To pressure my DS to date.

[EASUYA]

My DS (29) doesn’t ever date, and I’m worried that he never will. He has had girlfriends in the distant past, but hasn’t had a girlfriend or dated for over 8 years now, shows no interest in women (nor men I should say).
He is otherwise doing well: good job, his own house, nice friends; but I want him to be happy and would like more DGCs eventually (two by his DS, my DD). Shouldn’t he really be dating, he is almost 30.
I bring it up sometimes and only ever get evasive responses, ‘I don’t know’; ‘who’s got time for that’ etc. and I worry, if I keep asking he will distance himself.
AIBU to pressure my DS to date.

Yes, leave him alone.

My fiancé was 30 when I met him and gave those exact answers to his parents even when we'd been together for a while; until we were ready for them to meet me. He just didn't want to be constantly questioned or his mum to be expecting him to turn up with someone all the time.

I wouldn't pressure him.

Surely he can do as he pleases? My DD2 is almost 22 and as far as I am aware she has never had a boyfriend or dated anyone. That's her decision not mine.

Just leave him alone. Alternatively, help him feel happy, with or without a partner.

He might be asexual

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. It’s your son’s life, he is happy being single and presumably he does nt want children. Do nt make his life about your desire for grandchildren.

Oh give over - you are prioritising you're own needs for "more grandchildren" which is selfish and inconsiderate of you.

Leave the poor man alone!

Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's ace. Maybe he just isn't interested or ready right now. But you know what he most definitely is? An adult, who has the right to privacy and autonomy and his mother backing the fuck off, not a grandchild-producing machine.

Its none of your business.

Oh leave him alone. If he’s happy, why does it matter if he is or isn’t shagging someone?

Leave him alone. Seeing as he has his own house, you have no idea what he is or isn’t actually doing.

My DM could have written a similar post about me. There were a number of reasons I kept my personal life separate from her.

Oh please, leave the man alone. Its none of your business.

definitely leave him alone! that's not all there is to life you know.

It's completely up to him. If he doesn't want to date, he doesn't have to. Maybe he is dating but just not telling you. He may not even want kids. It's literally none of your business.

Pressurising children for grandchildren is horrible.

It’s up to him, if he wants to stay single forever then that’s his choice

Wow, people don't have children so their mothers can be grandmothers.

I bet he has a secret dating life and doesn't tell you. So many guys these days start looking around for a serious partner mid thirties, he probably just wants to find his feet first.

Alternatively, he is finding himself or is happy on his own. Just leave him alone!

Fucking hell, is this a reverse? Leave the man alone. Maybe he doesn't want to date or to have children.

Keep this up and you'll be lucky to have a relationship with your son at all. The fact that you are so clueless about boundaries and privacy in regards to your son's life is shocking. He's a grown man and his private affairs or lack there of is none of your business. Wind your neck in and stop being so disrespectful.

YAB completely U.

Once I finally worked out that I was happiest single & childfree, I never looked back. Maybe he’s the same. And even if he does have someone, maybe he’s keeping quiet in case you then start pushing him to have kids? Leave him alone.

He has his own house, he's an adult, it's highly likely that he is dating or has a girlfriend/boyfriend.

I think he is probably very aware of your views, thinks it's none of your business, doesn't like your pushy attitude and is therefore choosing to not tell you about his dating life.

My mum was quite nosy and I definitely didn't tell her about every person I dated. I couldn't be bothered with the questions, judgement and opinions.

You need to respect his boundaries.

but I want him to be happy and would like more DGCs eventually

What if he doesn't want children? It's not about your desires, you've had your time OP. This just feels a bit wrong, if he's happy not dating, please don't pressure him. It'll happen when it happens for him, and it should be because he wants to, not because his mum wants him to.

I think he is very likely dating but just not telling you about it. Who wants their mum asking questions about their love life?!

Alternatively maybe he just hasn’t met anyone he likes.

Either way YWBVU to pressure him about it. Trust me, it won’t suddenly make him want a partner if he doesn’t want one already and it certainly won’t make him meet someone if he’s been looking! Plus it definitely won’t make him open up to you if he is dating!

Maybe he is happy and doesn't ever want children. People don't have children for the entertainment of their own parents

Perhaps he is seeing someone but it's too early to introduce you (and he knows you'll be pestering to meet as soon as you know)

Perhaps he's desperately looking for someone but can't find anyone. You being on his case will just make him feel like crap.

Perhaps he's not interested at all and is happy single.

Perhaps he's too busy having string-free sex with lots of women to want to bother settling down.

Perhaps he is dating but so far it's just fizzled out before going anywhere.

Even if you mean well, you keep bringing it up is not helping and is not going to give you anymore information. You either make him feel like crap for pointing out that he hasn't found someone or make him less likely to introduce you. My DH's mum was like you, constantly on at him to "find someone" as a result, she didn't know we were together for the first three months and I didn't meet her for the first 8. He needed to be sure it was serious as she was so intense straight away (talking about grandkids like you). His love life is none of your business.