Can I watch my grandma die tonight or tomorrow?

[Clingingtothewreckage]

I’m having a meltdown. My beloved grandma is dying. I’ve been at her side for the week and slept next to her overnight a couple of nights ago and been spending most of the day here every day. I’m exhausted and a mess and can’t sleep. My two cousins have slept here a couple of nights and will stay again tonight so she won’t be alone if I am not here. I meant to stay last night but fell apart and she made it through. I thought I could do tonight but I’m getting major palpitations and getting very upset at the thought of watching her. I left last night and thought I’d let her down. What do I do? Is it as bad as you think watching someone die?

Deepest condolences.
I watched my dad die, I was on my own and it wasnt an easy end. I told him he didn't have to stay anymore and he needed to be at peace. Not long after that he went.
Be at peace with yourself.

DF is a retired family doctor from the days when GPs did lots of home visits. We're talking 30 to 60 years ago. He's seen heaven only knows how many deaths in people's homes and care homes.

He believes in some sort of after life, partly from watching how people change at the point of death; how the person just isn't there any more. He says it feels as if they've just got up and left. It's quite different from someone in a coma.

He's also had lots of woo experiences, mainly of old people who greet their dead spouse as they're dying. They'd either see them or could hear their voices greeting or welcoming them. It was very moving. And encouraging. I'm not religious but I do live in hope of seeing DH again.

He had one patient who saw an angel in the corner. She was very devout and often said over the years how much she looked forward to being reunited with her DH. Her faith was rock solid. She was frail and suffering, she'd had enough. I remember him saying that after she died all he could think about for the rest of the day was her joy at seeing her DH again.

A hospice nurse once told me it is very common for people to slip away when they are left alone for a few minutes. That's exactly what MIL did - she'd been unconscious for a few days, family with her all the time, but we had to leave the room for a few minutes to speak to the doctor - and she passed as soon as she was by herself

I’ve witnessed two deaths both were very different the first was awful and he was scared, in pain and he fought it. the 2nd was much more peaceful but only because we asked for her to be sedated as she was struggling. Both were lung related. I am glad I was able to be with them during their final moments and don’t regret it. I’ve learnt a lot about dying and think it is very important to talk about dying and the management of death.

I was with my grandma and it wasn’t peaceful. I think she was fighting it. They said it would take a while. I told her I loved her and thanked her and said it would be ok. She passed then. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through that tbh but in a way I’m glad I was there for her sake. My dad and uncle were there but I did the talking. It’s heartening to hear most are peaceful. Clingingtothewreckage I’m sorry it wasn’t easy for you either. She’s at peace now.

I'm so sorry you went through this. I was like you, it certainly wasn't peaceful, it was harrowing, distressing, made me terrified of death and ten years later I'm still struggling with the memories. As such I've made it clear I never want my kids there to see that. Just try to hold on to the fact that as hard as it was for you it gave her some level of peace knowing you were there to love and support her.