Can I watch my grandma die tonight or tomorrow?

[Clingingtothewreckage]

I’m having a meltdown. My beloved grandma is dying. I’ve been at her side for the week and slept next to her overnight a couple of nights ago and been spending most of the day here every day. I’m exhausted and a mess and can’t sleep. My two cousins have slept here a couple of nights and will stay again tonight so she won’t be alone if I am not here. I meant to stay last night but fell apart and she made it through. I thought I could do tonight but I’m getting major palpitations and getting very upset at the thought of watching her. I left last night and thought I’d let her down. What do I do? Is it as bad as you think watching someone die?

I've been there for someone. I'm not sure how I would feel if it was my mum and dad. I don't think any decision is right or wrong.

I sat with my beloved Mum as she died and also my dearest and only brother just recently. I felt it was such an honour to be there for them. It was strangely quite beautiful when their wonderful spirits left and they were finally at peace, released from their suffering. God I miss them

Whatever you do OP will be just fine.
I could have probably made it to my Grandad in time, but I'd been every day or night beforehand. I hadn't showered or eaten and he loved his food, I knew he wouldn't have wanted me to be hungry. I got the call as I finished my lunch. He had chosen to pass as most people left the room for a break so I'll always feel I did the right thing.

I was with my dad when he died and although it was difficult, I am so glad and feel at peace knowing he was with someone who loved him and was not alone.

I watched my mom and my grandmother both die. It was quite peaceful.

OP how are you both?

Hi my lovely hope you are ok thinking of you at this difficult time , I hope having your cousins close helps xx

I was with my Mum at the end after a week of expecting it at any time, we had some rough moments in that week but the end was very peaceful, I told her we would be OK, that I would look after Dad and gave her a kiss, and said, Good night, God Bless which is what her Mum used to say to me as a small girl.

It felt like a privilege to be there at her passing, and although I took my sons to see her at the chapel of rest, it really didn't have much emotion for me there, sounds odd but I think I had made my peace and said my goodbyes the night she died if that makes sense?

Awww hugs to you. I was lying next to my mum when she entered the final stages of life. Earlier that even she'd seemed to rally- she was only 60 with a terminal ca- she wanted some music playing and she even had a sip of wine.

We had a carer over night but I'd asked her to stay downstairs. Her partner was with me and my own and we just hugged her and stroked her hair and her hands. Her fave music playing and nice scented candles that she loved.

She drifted off as normal as her morphine kicked in and she just seemed to fade away, her breathing shallow. Around midnight she seemed to cough and there was some blood from her nose. It wasnt obvious to be honest that she had actually died as her breathing had been so shallow. We held her until the doctor arrived. I don't regret ever being with her and handing her over to the next journey xx

I should add she’s hardly conscious and can barely speak but she told me not to worry. So typical of her. I need to be strong for her x

It sounds as though your Grandma may be waiting for/giving you permission to go. If you think you'll regret not being there for her final moments, then maybe you could say something along the lines of "I love you and will miss you so much. You've always been there for me and now it's my turn. I hate seeing you suffer but will always remember you as . I so want to be here holding for your hand for final journey"

for you and your Grandma. Wishing you last few hours together are as peaceful as is possible under the circumstances.

I sat with my dad for hours before he died. I had to leave because I had to get back home for my children. When I got home the phone was ringing and it was the care home telling me he had passed away shortly after I left.
I felt I had let him down but the staff told me that it often happens that people pass away shortly after their relatives have left.
Your gran will go in her own time, so don't feel bad.

I think being with someone when they die can give you strength when you need it. I stayed when my Dad died though my siblings couldn't. I am so glad I did. Incredibly hard as it is, it is one of the last things you can do for them if you get the chance. Hugs for you and your family.

I’m so grateful to every single one of you. I needed to hear your stories. Grandma is still going xxx

I was with my FIL when he passed. My MIL, SIL and DH had been with him for two days and I was in the family room (at the hospice) with my BIL - we popped in and out but mainly left them to it.
For some reason I ended up being the only one in there, my MIL had gone to the loo, DH had got a drink etc.
I could tell the atmosphere had changed, his breathing changed and so I stroked his hair and told him that he was loved and that we would take care of MIL, and just like that he was gone.
MIL, DH and SIL came back in within 30 seconds/ a minute and I slipped out - I don't think MIL realises that she wasn't there at the actual moment.
It was actually very peaceful, calm and as someone not very "woo" I did very much feel his spirit leaving his body.
I do think he waited until my MIL left the room.
I hope your grandma has a peaceful passing and rests in peace, OP

Ah you came into my mind tonight OP, lots of love and strength to you and your family

Thinking of you OP 🌺🌸🌼🌸🌺🌻🌺🌸

The darkest hour is just before the Dawn.

I was 3 minutes late for my grandad. I’ve never forgiven myself since. Be kind to yourself. Big hugs. X

midnight you must forgive yourself. As much as you wanted to be there, it's also about all the things you did for him when he was alive. That's what we had to tell ourselves when my grandad died. For various reasons my mum & nan arrived about 30 mins after. He was in a hospice, surrounded by lovely staff, but of course they wanted to be there. But think of all the times you were there when he was alive, they count for so much

Midnight there is no blame... if he knew you loved him in life then You didn’t need to be there at the exact moment for him to know you loved him at the end. Be kind to yourself

@FaithInfinity. What you say to your patients family is incredibly lovely . Thank you.

I remember one relative saying ‘You must hate this part of the job’ and I responded saying that I liked it, which must have seemed weird! I went on to explain that I considered it a great privilege to care for patients in their last days and to make it as comfortable and peaceful as possible. I lost my Mum some years ago and it definitely shaped how I nursed, we were fortunate that she was well cared for and went peacefully. I work in a different field now and although it’s better for me overall I do miss the palliative care side of nursing.

How are you doing @Clingingtothewreckage

Queenenid It was my grandma’s funeral yesterday. I did spend every night with her before her death, and whilst I will never regret it, it was not at all peaceful and she was in pain despite pleas for more morphine. The end of life pathway, whilst better than the alternatives, which would have involved artificially prolonging her life and suffering, was very distressing. I suffered a panic attack for the first time in my life. I found the posts very helpful and supportive. Thank you all so much. Bless you all xxx

@Clingingtothewreckage I'm so sorry ❤️
I hope she's very much at peace now and that the funeral was a good send off for her xx

Deepest condolences, be kind to yourself