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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To laugh at the ridiculousness of my husband

144 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 01/10/2019 07:21

We've got two kids, a 4 month old and a 6 year old. Every morning I get up extra early and sort both kids out etc and have a quick wash etc then take kids on the school run (we both leave house same time). DH gets up later, showers, breakfast then goes work
Today DH is off as wants to help on the school trip. I've had a crap night with the baby. So I've got up briefly to sort packed lunch then said I'm going back to bed till baby wakes up. DH response - "what about 6 year old!!"" I need to shower because I'm a man and sweat, you need to help!"

Umm what?? I do both kids every morning!! Needless to say I'm back in bed with the baby and he's sulking.

OP posts:
Basil90 · 01/10/2019 08:14

He sounds crap. Glad I haven't chosen to have my DS with a man baby like this

AmIThough · 01/10/2019 08:14

Yes OP this is your fault for enabling him and not his fault for being a div Hmm

I feel like this was a fairly lighthearted post and all the bitter women have woken up on the wrong side of the bed!

Lulualla · 01/10/2019 08:18

Everyone going on that he should just do it. Yes he should. But he won't. That's the man she married. He won't do it. And when he does do it, even the OP calls it "helping". Not parenting, she says helping. So that shows you how they see it; she is the parent and he just helps sometimes.

If you have kids with someone who only wants to look after themselves, you cannot just expect them to eventually step up. They won't. Either don't have kids with them, or make them change. Hand a child to him in the morning and walk away. But OP just does everything.

FritataPatate · 01/10/2019 08:23

he helped
...says it all. You're not parenting equally. It's not "helping" when it's your own DC!

diddl · 01/10/2019 08:23

So he does it at the weekend-so he does know what to do, just that there's a time limit, he's never got up in the week to help out, have breakfast together, let you shower?

MarianaMoatedGrange · 01/10/2019 08:24

AmIThough Not bitter women - women who see the bleedin' obvious from OP's post.

GCAcademic · 01/10/2019 08:25

He has done the 6 year old a few times and in the first weeks after baby born he helped a bit

It’s not called “help” when it’s your own child. It’s “parenting”. So, basically, he has only parented a little bit for a limited time.

44PumpLane · 01/10/2019 08:25

People aren't unilaterally saying "it's the woman's fault".

The gist is that having put up with it for 6 years the OP surely can't actually be surprised that this is happening.

Absolutely 100% he should be stepping up and doing his share of parenting, but the implication is that he didn't for baby 1 so there should be no surprise that he didn't for baby 2 and that we base our decision making on historical evidence when available, and the evidence shows this guy to be rubbish in this particular area.

Tensixtysix · 01/10/2019 08:30

My DDs (17 and 14) have always had me only to get them up and do breakfast in the mornings.
I'm an early riser, so get up at 6am, sort my stuff our/shower and then kids up at 7am, give them breakfast.
DH, gets up at 7.30am, has shower breakfast and is out the door at the same time as I used to do the school run.
This routine hasn't changed for 15 years (since pre-school).
I'm not bothered, because if he was under my feet first thing in the morning, I'd feel...murderous! Grin

Maseandmum · 01/10/2019 08:31

This would infuriate me! He isn’t ‘helping’ he should he parenting. I hope he’s stopped sulking and grown up

Tensixtysix · 01/10/2019 08:31

But on the other hand, DH had always done the night routine and the bathing. So I did get a rest.

Kittenbittenmitten · 01/10/2019 08:32

It's not really funny is it?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 01/10/2019 08:33

By the sounds of it you’ve allowed this all this time, basically you’ve wiped his back side.

It’s not really surprising is it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Runmybathforme · 01/10/2019 08:40

But you have enabled him. Why are you being such a doormat ?

Talcott2007 · 01/10/2019 08:47

I see these threads so often and I cant get my head around parents like this! - In my old job I had to commute leaving around 2hrs before DD or DH needed to get up so he used to do the morning drop off with DD as I physically wasn't there to help but in turn did all of the evening routine. Roll on to the last 6 months with a new local job. I get up at the same time as DD and DH - I deal with getting DD up and dressed while DH gets to peace to get ready. He then still does drop off and once they are gone I have around 40mins before I need to leave and (walk down the road to work) so I still get peace to get ready too. I COULD obviously stay in bed an extra hour but equally DH COULD also leave for work by himself and leave DD with me to do the actual drop off (doubling my new 'commute') But neither of us do that because we are both her parents and have the same responsibility for her. We are both doing the other on a 'favor' because we on the same team!

Yabbers · 01/10/2019 09:00

I feel like this was a fairly lighthearted post and all the bitter women have woken up on the wrong side of the bed!

I’m not sure a post about a parent who doesn’t know how to get a 6 year old ready for school and have a shower would be considered lighthearted.

The posters saying it’s more than just him being ridiculous are suggesting they wouldn’t accept this in a partner. How does that make them bitter?

KatharinaRosalie · 01/10/2019 09:07

I feel like this was a fairly lighthearted post and all the bitter women have woken up on the wrong side of the bed!

I see so many posts like that all over. 'Oh my husband is so useless, ha ha. I have to do it all, isn't it cute how he's just like a big baby'

Not funny.

Span1elsRock · 01/10/2019 09:09

You are the doormat he wipes his feet on. Daily.

Glad you can laugh Confused

Elliewellie80 · 01/10/2019 09:11

Women can't win can we? I'm sure OP posted in order to get a few people to laugh along with how ridiculous this whole thing is rather than to be told how it's somehow her fault that she hasn't taught this man how to be the perfect husband over the years. OP you have my sympathy. I can think of numerous similar situations I've been in with DH over the years. I think I've been trying to train him for close to 15 years now but he doesn't seem receptive 😂 I have a friend who frequently advises me on how I should keep him in line, and guess what, she's divorced and hasn't been in a long term relationship for many years! Actually, thinking about it, maybe she just decided she only wanted to clean up after herself...

bigchris · 01/10/2019 09:12

@30Tensixtysix

You give a 17 and 14 year old breakfast ???

bigchris · 01/10/2019 09:12

Can they not make toast then or open a cereal packet?

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 01/10/2019 09:25

Why can’t he sort out the six-year old and have a shower?

Aprillygirl · 01/10/2019 09:25

Surely a 6yr old can be left alone to get

usarae · 01/10/2019 09:25

If you don't laugh you'll cry eh!? 😂 Men can be very precious about their own routine. My DH can be the same until I sternly remind him that I don't sleep, shower, eat, or even bloody go to the toilet sometimes until the kids are sorted. They come first. He just has to rearrange his priorities. Do the school run and then shower. Partners often need a reminder of how much we put ourselves last in every situation and just once in a while they need to do the same. If I were you I'd be asking him in the morning to not bother with a shower or get up earlier to have one because if he can't cope with one child on his own then he sure as hell shouldn't expect you to cope with two every. single. day.

Aprillygirl · 01/10/2019 09:28

Whoops posted too soon. What I was trying to say is surely a 6yr old can be left for 10 minutes to get on with eating breakfast and/or getting dressed while parent showers?