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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, is this Mumsnet all over?

208 replies

Hadjab · 30/09/2019 22:22

Seen on Facebook

“Mom A: “My house is on fire and my child is inside screaming. What do I do?! Picture for attention!"

Mom B: “Try changing his diet. We cut out everything except kale and it’s done wonders for our kids.”

Mom C: “Essential oils. Unrelated: I sell them.”

Mom D: “He’s fine. Helicopter moms ugh. I didn’t even use a car seat when I was a kid and I’m fine! 🙄”

Mom E: “He’s NOT FINE. My friend’s sister’s 2nd cousin had this happen and it was cancer. Google it!”

Mom F: “I’m a realtor and I’d love to help you find a new home!”

Mom G: “SAVE YOUR CHILD WHY ARE YOU ASKING STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET?!”

Mom H: “Rude ^ Have you tried separating the child from the fire?

Mom I: "Squirt some breastmilk on your child. Breastmilk cures everything"

Mom J: "Since there's so many ppl commenting here, can you tell me if this preg test is positive?! I'm only 2 days post ovulation but my boobs are sore and I'm nauseous"

Mom K: "I think there’s more to the story that you aren’t telling us. Please tell us your story from when you were born till now so we can evaluate your life and show you where you went wrong”

Mom L: “has he had his fire vaccinations yet? That will herd immunity protect him from the flames.”

Mom M: “I wish death upon you!^ How dare you believe in science and expose your child to heavy metals, autism, and ignorance by suggesting fire vaccinations!! Have you not seen Vaxxed?”

Mom N: just put some coconut oil on it!

Mom O: just latch him on demand to increase supply, lots of skin to skin.

Mom P: have you considered CIO? We tried it during the last fire and he only cried for 10 minutes. Hasn’t complained since.

Mom Q: I would NEVER let my child CIO. He is 16 years old and has never cried his whole life, not even for a minute. We still bed share and he nurses on demand 4-5 times a night.

Mom R: Did you have him evaluated for lip/tongue ties? I had my LO's revised last week and it has made a huge difference in his screaming.

Mom S: Is he formula fed? The formula companies don't want you to know that formula causes house fires. They work with the insurance companies, so it's really your fault that the house is on fire and he's screaming. I would NEVER feed that poison to my child.

Mom T: sometimes when you’re feeling overwhelmed just walk away. Come back when you’ve had a chance to breathe.

Mom U: Strip him down to just diaper. He's probably too warm! If his rectal temp is 100.4 he needs to go to the ER immediately!

Mom V: “Are you looking for a work from home option? Maybe if you were home with your child more you could’ve prevented the fire. Sending PM”

Mom W: Don't listen to any of this! Follow your mom gut! You're a great mom!

Mom X: let go and let God

Mom Y: don't stress. When he gets too hot, he'll come out on his own.

Mom Z: Girl use this alone time to get your hair done or go on a date night!“

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 01/10/2019 18:11

I would like MN to put a warning on the title as fires are very triggering for me since my marshmallow fell off its stick into one when I was in the Brownies.

All the other little girls were able to burn their tongues on their sticky treats while I just got a splinter from the stick.

The smell of the burnt sugar haunts me to this day...

Solasshole · 01/10/2019 18:20

Also,

Me and DFire are expecting a baby, I'm 8 months pregnant, we were on 'birth control' but it failed. DFire's exfirewife is making our life a hell! What should I do?? They've only been divorced for 10 months (but I wasnt actually the OW!!) and already have 3 young baby fires together who he pays the full stated CM for (which is soo much we are living off soggy twigs with the amount of CM he pays) and sees them, like, every other weekend. When is it going to be time for us and OUR little fire??!

And also the opposite:

How DARE my ex-fire who I have been divorced from for 17 years and who is a great father to our fire babies even contemplate going on a date with another woman?! The absolute slattern, I bet she was secretly the OW all along!! Shouldnt my exh realise that since we were once married that means I can control every aspect of his life and relationships for, like, forever???! I have already refused contact for our 23 year old twins as it's just unacceptable he would want to introduce his new GF to them!

NameChangeNugget · 01/10/2019 18:21
Grin
BernyHott · 01/10/2019 19:26

Namechanged for this.

I'm a fire. AMA.

JaimeBronde · 01/10/2019 19:42

Ooh Berny I'm thinking of a career change & I've been interested in fires (I blame on it having a wood burning stove) since a child.
Did you do a degree or start on an apprenticeship?
What's the pay like?
What do you do in a typical day?
What do you love best about being a fire?

Kanga83 · 01/10/2019 19:49

This is clearly a reverse OP.
Also I'm very unhappy about the lack of updates on the fire situation. So inconsiderate.

Sammiches101 · 01/10/2019 19:52

Not RTFT but this is hilarious! Grin

BernyHott · 01/10/2019 21:03

Well, JaimeBronde, it's a very varied career.

You start off with the bunsen burners and animal impressions ("Woof") and gradually work your way up the ladder to ruining hundreds of years of French history.

Ooh, must go. California is looking a bit dry.

RagingInferno · 01/10/2019 21:08

Thank you for asking, though.

JaimeBronde · 01/10/2019 21:09

Berny GrinGrin

The travel sounds amazing.

RagingInferno · 01/10/2019 21:09

AAAARRRRGHGHGGHG!!!

NAMECHANGE FAIL! NAMECHANGE FAIL!

Difficultcustomer · 02/10/2019 18:32

Berny how did you get into the business. Are you looking forward to bonfire night? Do you get. a lot of amateurs flicking their flames around?

handbagsatdawn33 · 02/10/2019 18:38

We need a diagram

Kanga83 · 02/10/2019 19:47

Any updates OP? I've been thinking of you and the fire situation all day, and not slept a wink and couldn't even light the oven to make my kids dinner for thinking of your predicament. I didn't want to jinx myself so gave them and ice lolly and sent them to play outside in the cold in case your fire broke out in my house and didn't want them in it. Shit, one of them just sneezed. The others gone a bit blue and shivering. What do you think? Should I call 111? Or 999 in case your fire comes here? Or shall I send them to run laps in the garden to warm up???? Anyone??????

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 02/10/2019 20:05

my house is filling with smoke because my neighbours house is burning down. AIBU to tell them to stop being so fecking inconsiderate? And to top it all off there's a fire engine blocking my drive!!!

LaMarschallin · 02/10/2019 20:14

The others gone a bit blue

What shade?

And: ARE YOU MAD???!

Letting them Go Outside??

Old Ladies might look at them and...and smile! Or STROKE THEIR CHEEKS! Envy not envy.

Far better to have them inside with the fire.
Flames will sterilise the Old Lady germs.

And to top it all off there's a fire engine blocking my drive!!!

Diagram!

And are you sure they're not smoking weed and are just burning their house down to disguise the smell?

Kanga83 · 02/10/2019 20:24

@LaMarschallin What shade?

And: ARE YOU MAD???!

Letting them Go Outside??

Old Ladies might look at them and...and smile! Or STROKE THEIR CHEEKS!  not envy.

Far better to have them inside with the fire.
Flames will sterilise the Old Lady germs.

Well that's just typical Mumsnetters isn't it. Just so Blue-ist! I ask for some help (while worrying about my house catching on fire from OP because that might happen now I've read her thread. Things are catchy like fires). All I do is ask for help coz I stuck my kids outside to keep them safe, some bloke keeps sitting on my wall and I'm having a conversation about giving them ice lolly's with someone whose nickname is The Lunatic who also has a friend who is a luncatic but doesn't know it and all you can do is be Blue-ist! And you say I'm mad! My names not The Lunatic I tell you! It's like fifty shades of grey. Never read it but sounds utterly colourist. And here you are outwardly being blue-it's! Honestly! I'm going to ask admin to delete my account if this is how I'm spoken to by a random stranger who has a problem with my kid being blue! I'm so angry I can't be arsed with grammar either just to prove my point of how outraged I am.

Ridiclious · 02/10/2019 20:27

Did the fire send you a save the date card?

LaMarschallin · 02/10/2019 20:41

Kanga83

I'll have you know some of my best friends are blue.
Well.
Blue-ish.

Some might say turquoise.

Anyway, why don't you spare a thought for the plight of the orange?

Nothing even rhymes with it so they can't even have a poem written about them.
It breaks my heart.

Whereas:

You're blue.
Boo hoo!
Have a brew.
Adieu.

Blues have it easy.

can't be arsed with grammar either

Are you pronunciating* that "eye-there" or "eee-there"?

[aside] that nearly blew * up my auto-carrot Smile

** Sorry. Didn't mean to bring up new blew/blue traumas.

JaimeBronde · 02/10/2019 20:46

Did the Fire go to a Russell Group University?

PaneerOfEvil · 02/10/2019 20:49

I think you need to give your head a wobble.

SittingAround1 · 02/10/2019 20:57

Did you start the fire with all your batch cooking OP?

You haven't told us exactly how hot the fire is and what is actually burning in your house. Something doesn't seem right here. Are you sure it is a fire ?

SittingAround1 · 02/10/2019 20:57

I don't think the OP is coming back.

LaMarschallin · 02/10/2019 21:02

[another aside: forgot to say how much I loved this:

@RagingInferno

AAAARRRRGHGHGGHG!!!

NAMECHANGE FAIL! NAMECHANGE FAIL! ]

Purpleheadgirl · 02/10/2019 21:10

Don't forget to tell the fire that "in this case NO is a complete sentence!"....
Also, please make sure you rescue all the batch-cooked food as can't waste food as there are so many people going short.....