Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have made DS go to school this morning?

109 replies

BloodSugar · 30/09/2019 08:54

He is yr10. 14.

Last year he said so many times that he felt sick, had been sick, had the runs in the morning. I would believe him and by 10am the act had faded and he was sat happily watching TV and eating cereal.

Many times I would send him in and I would get a call from the school office and they would say he's been sick and can I come collect him.

Last night I heard him wretching on the bathroom, loud and dramatically. His father did too. I just ignored him as its Sunday night and I knew what was coming.

He didn't mention being sick.

Sure enough this morning he starts with the 'runs' story.

I tell him no, he is going in. Not to call the office and ask me to collect him. I won't be.

Lots of tears.

He went to school.

Please note that last Monday we had the same thing and he came home at 3.30pm bright as a button and went out to play with his mates.

I have talked to him about school, if there's anything wrong, any issues. He insists there aren't just sometimes he just doenst want to go and wants to stay home. I've explained this isn't possible and I get in trouble if his attendance isn't good and it's important now he is in Yr 10 not to kiss any time off. I told him we are aiming for 100% attendance this year as last year his was 'poor'.

WIBU to send him in?

Now the guilt is creeping in. But I am 99% sure it was all Bullshit. Especially with the theatrics in the bathroom last night.

I'm also thinking of calling the school and having a meet g with the attendance officer about it.

OP posts:
NewNameGuy · 30/09/2019 08:55

I think you're doing the right things

ColaFreezePop · 30/09/2019 08:56

If he's ill you will get a phone call.

Original poster
BloodSugar · 30/09/2019 08:59

The thing is I was the same as him. I didn't like school. There were no issues. I just wanted to be home. I pretended to be ill alot too. So I get it.

I have a vivid memory of being sent home and my mum shouting at me the whole car journey because I was faking again. Only I wasn't and as soon as the car stopped I opened the door and vomited everywhere. I remember my mum's guilt.

I worry he's sat at school genuinely ill.

But I know the liklihood of that is small compared to the chances that he's just trying to pull a fast one again.

OP posts:
Lulualla · 30/09/2019 08:59

He's 14 and he was crying about going to school?
It's not typical for a 14 year is boy to have "lots if tears" over going to school. If he is actually crying then are you sure there isn't anything underlying his desperation to stay home from school?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/09/2019 09:00

I hate to say this op, but There’s nothing bothering him at school is there.
I hope I’m wrong but I get the feeling this isn’t just ogling for a day off school, because he can’t be bothered
Is it the same day each week. Is there a subject or topic that he’s struggling with.

Original poster
BloodSugar · 30/09/2019 09:00

Cola, but I get a phone call when HE'S NOT ill.

Last year I picked him up many times. And he was sat all 'woe is me' and had been sick in the toilets
Only he hadn't. He just told them that so he could go home.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 30/09/2019 09:01

I agree with PP. about the crying.
Is he generally an emotional person?
If not I'd say there's definitely an underlying issue.

WaterSheep · 30/09/2019 09:01

I would say you're doing the right thing. He knows that saying he's been sick or has the runs he'll get to stay home, or sent home, and he won't have to show proof of his illness.

I would say though if he stays home or is sent home from school he shouldn't be going out with his friends. If he's too sick for school he needs to rest, and he wouldn't want to spread the sickness and diarrhea.

Original poster
BloodSugar · 30/09/2019 09:04

I have sat him down so many times and asked him.

It's not just Mondays. It happens other days too but I just know on a Monday he will try it on.

Plus his lessons are on a biweekly rota so each Monday has different lessons so it doesn't seem to be one particular subject or day.

We have a good relationship and we are able to talk about most everything.

He is doing really well academically and he assures me nothing is wrong.

I know it's not typical for a 14 year old to cry but he is quite sensitive and isn't afraid of showing emotions.

It is worrying but I can't find any issue at school from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodSugar · 30/09/2019 09:05

Water he went out with his friends after school. He wasn't ill. He was trying it on.

The fact he went out with friends proves he didn't feel shit at all.

OP posts:
Lulualla · 30/09/2019 09:10

Don't let him watch tv etc. If he's off sick then he needs to keep the curtains closes, lights off and stay in bed. If he's off sick then he's only allowed to eat toast and drink tea. No snacks or cereal etc.
All say in bed with no music, tv, games etc and only allowed toast. Make it unbearably boring for someone who isn't ill.

SmileCheese · 30/09/2019 09:11

I would say you are absolutely not being unreasonable. He knows that by saying he was sick he will get to go home and no one can prove otherwise. I would be sitting him down again and explaining that one day he really is going to feel unwell and its likely you wont believe him. He knows that you will feel guilty but he needs to go to school and if there are no problems he can articulate then you need to keep sending him. I appreciate you feel awful doing so but staying home wont help his education.

bobstersmum · 30/09/2019 09:11

There could be a few things. He could be just lazy and can't be bothered. He could be struggling with the workload. He could be being bullied. He could genuinely feel nauseous a lot which could be related to anxiety or other issues. If he's that sensitive that he cries about going to school then it's likely he has severe anxiety. I'd personally take him to the doctors and tell them he is sick a lot and get to the bottom of it one way or another.

Ellegeebee · 30/09/2019 09:12

I sympathise with both of you on this one, I was the same when I was this age, not quite as frequent but certainly once a term I would fake illness to avoid school, I realise now I had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. Have you told him that you know he’s fake and that you understand, that you’re not angry but that you just want to get to the bottom of it so that he can be happy?

Ellegeebee · 30/09/2019 09:13

Sorry that should saying “faking it”

WaterSheep · 30/09/2019 09:13

Bloodsugar I know he wasn't ill. However, if he wants the perks of being ill like staying off school, or leaving school early then he doesn't get to go out with his friends. If he was ill then surely he wouldn't want to spread the sickness and diarrhea to his friends.

ZogorElmer · 30/09/2019 09:13

Have you talked to him about visiting the doctor if he is feeling sick and has the runs so often? I would want some investigations done if he was really having these symptoms.

Popetthetreehugger · 30/09/2019 09:15

Is their any reason he wants to be home ( other than fanning about) ? Has anything changed at home ? Is anyone ill in family? I find that quite a few students want to be at home for in their minds valid reasons , rather than not wanting to go to school , if you see what I mean ? Might he be worried about family member , pet ? ...,. But odds on he’s swinging the lead 😆!

Mummoomoocow · 30/09/2019 09:15

But have you actually been to the GP and investigated this possible early morning nausea and bowel problem?

CatToddlerUprising · 30/09/2019 09:15

If he says he’s sick- tell him it’s 48 hours until he can go out with friends, no gaming, no treats. If he’s lying- he’s grounded that weekend with the same as above

LetsSplashMummy · 30/09/2019 09:16

Have you suggested that with all this tummy/bowel trouble, you might need to take him to the GP, probably needs a colonoscopy...

Taking it way too seriously can sometimes help... "you're too ill to go to friends house," "I think you'll need to stop eating chocolate, it might be causing these problems,"

Original poster
BloodSugar · 30/09/2019 09:18

The bowel and sickness problems aren't real. Why would I waste the GPS time asking them to investigate something he admits was made up several hours into his day off?

OP posts:
hormonesorDHbeingadick · 30/09/2019 09:18

It might be worth having a chat with the pastoral team at school. Sometimes they can get more out of teenagers or if he is just ‘swinging the lead’ knowing that school are onto it too can make him reduce the amount of times he tries it on.

Countrylifeornot · 30/09/2019 09:20

Perhaps try a new regime. So if he's sick or has loose bowels he clearly needs to go to bed with no electronics or TV, and quietly read / revise. If he comes home from school poorly he really shouldn't then be out with his mates the same day.
Boring evenings, just toast and water for tea.... Might make him weigh up the short term inconvenience of staying in school in exchange for a better evening?

Original poster
BloodSugar · 30/09/2019 09:20

I think maybe an anxiety issue may be more the cause. It runs in the family.

I think we will have to have another long conversation tonight and see if I can uncover any more information.

He's a wonderful boy, kind and smart.

I don't think the issue is physical but it may be mental.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread