WIBU to have made DS go to school this morning?

[BloodSugar]

He is yr10. 14.

Last year he said so many times that he felt sick, had been sick, had the runs in the morning. I would believe him and by 10am the act had faded and he was sat happily watching TV and eating cereal.

Many times I would send him in and I would get a call from the school office and they would say he's been sick and can I come collect him.

Last night I heard him wretching on the bathroom, loud and dramatically. His father did too. I just ignored him as its Sunday night and I knew what was coming.

He didn't mention being sick.

Sure enough this morning he starts with the 'runs' story.

I tell him no, he is going in. Not to call the office and ask me to collect him. I won't be.

Lots of tears.

He went to school.

Please note that last Monday we had the same thing and he came home at 3.30pm bright as a button and went out to play with his mates.

I have talked to him about school, if there's anything wrong, any issues. He insists there aren't just sometimes he just doenst want to go and wants to stay home. I've explained this isn't possible and I get in trouble if his attendance isn't good and it's important now he is in Yr 10 not to kiss any time off. I told him we are aiming for 100% attendance this year as last year his was 'poor'.

WIBU to send him in?

Now the guilt is creeping in. But I am 99% sure it was all Bullshit. Especially with the theatrics in the bathroom last night.

I'm also thinking of calling the school and having a meet g with the attendance officer about it.

Hey :).

I have anxiety, and can often feel this way, either when I'm at the place I'm worried about, or the night before I have to go.

As soon as I'm out of the situation, I'm absolutely fine, no matter how ill I felt.

I understand that it can be frustrating for you if you think he's "trying it on", but there's every chance he's suffering from anxiety, which can be horrible - even more so for a child who doesn't understand their own feelings.

No matter why a child doesn't want to go to school, it needs to be dealt with. You need to get his head of year involved, and go in for a meeting, and you need to see your GP. Whether he has a physical illness or not, there is obviously something badly wrong at the moment, and a GP can help with that - even if it is to arrange something like counselling for him.

Some kids can find school a completely ball ache, but NOT to the extent that they try to put on this much of a show to get out of it. I promise you OP, this is more than a rebellious/lazy teenager not wanting to go to school, and the longer you leave it, the harder it'll be to fix.

I wish you all the luck in the world in dealing with it and getting some answers, but it does need to be done xx

I would arrange a meeting with school first and establish if there is anything going on that you don't know about. Some schools have counsellors, ELSA's or other people with mental health training that may be able to offer support.

There are other initiatives in lots of places that don't have the high threshold that CAMHs does. Where are you geographically?

Best thing to do with kids who feign 'sickness' or even if they ARE sick, is to make it as BORING as possible!
No TV, no computer. Only sleep and books.

They soon stop doing it!

I should have added that it definitely helped my school attendance when my mum went a bit stricter on being at home. I had to stay in my bed, no tv, only educational reading and plain food.

I forget to say earlier but my anxiety induced retching did sometimes lead to vomiting in the toilet - unlike your son though I hid it and carried on - I really didn’t have much support at home - It is perfectly possible that your son is really being sick , and because you have a good relationship , he’s telling you!

£50 a session sounds a lot - definitely see what the GP has to say

Please look at NOtfineinschool.org and their Facebook group. You'll find some much more knowledgeable and constructive advice there. You son is displaying all the signs of a child who IS NOT fine in school, is suffering from an anxiety condition and needs far more support than he is getting. Please ignore the frankly stupid comments saying be stricter and remove tv etc when he's off. Would you say that to an adult who had a mental health condition? "Oh just get on with it - you just want a day off work?" No I don't think so!! Please contact the SENCO at your sons school as anxiety and particularly anxiety based school refusal (the signs and symptoms of which your son is displaying in buckets) is a SEN and the school should be supporting him. Sending you and your son much love.

You should take him to the Doctor.

Either he has some kind of mental health issues which are affecting him wanting to go to school. Which the Doctor may be able to help with.
Or he actually has some kind of digestive issue - Coeliacs springs to mind, but there are a whole host of other things.

Now if he was just making a fuss to skip school he might not be happy about submitting to blood tests and more.

I used to feel sick every moring couple of times faked being sick because i just couldnt face it-i have anxiety not diagnosed till later on