Am I being unreasonable and selfish?

[PreludeIII]

Please tell me what you would do in this situation.

You've been up all night with a poorly child and are knackered.

Your husband slept in the spare room. In the morning he comes in and tells you what a shit nights sleep he's had.

You respond and tell him that perhaps he shouldn't say something like that given the horrendous night you've just had.

He then calls you selfish and that you're not interested in anyone else's situation, only yourself.

Am I selfish?! Or am I right in thinking that sometimes it's just better to keep your own tales of woe to yourself given someone has had it worse than you?

Here are his text messages to me this morning. We tend to argue by text so that we're not doing it in front of our child!

I've left the house for a bit now so at least there isn't a shitty atmosphere

Tell me what you make of these!

FWIW I didn't ask for gratitude!

I don't use this term lightly but he's gas-lighting you to fuck!

You were AWAKE with the bloody child! What did he expect you to feel like. You put yourself second last night and apparently all the time looking after the kid! Ask him if he had a nightmare about Pennywise. Don't be drawn into feeling guilty. Don't apologise. This is exactly how women get worn down.

I think you're both tired and grumpy after a bad night's sleep which is fuelling this very petty argument.

I think he’s entitled to his feelings just as you are.

It sounds like he's much more focused on him being 'right', than you actually having been up with your child struggling. He's grudgingly paying lip service to your work in order to seem reasonable but he isn't actually demonstrating any genuine empathy at all. Plus knowingly leaving you tired and alone with ill children, under the guise of 'not creating an atmosphere ' is staggering. Sorry, he's an arse.

What a patronising lecture that text is.

I actually think his texts were ok. Yours were really angry. Hes not saying you're not tired or tired. Hea just telling you how he is. Is there a context in your relationship that makes that such a bad thing?

Should say tired or tireder

None of those texts were mine - they were all his

I'll post mine now

“he’s come to bed to find he’s been turfed out into the spare room.”

AKA a night’s sleep in a presumably comfortable bed without a fretful poorly child in it......

Aah sorry, I've just reread your post before the one with the texts and saw it was you that left the house for a bit. He is still being a twat.

My texts, which will hopefully show I wasn't being as fucking rude as him!

Wow. The way he’s talking you’d think he was kidnapped overnight. How very dramatic.

A lot of peeps won’t agree with this but I always think when I read stuff like this, why did yall have kids, did you think they’d sleep all night and everything would be trouble free? It’s part the package so deal with it and stop moaning!

I’d of responded the same way as you; zero sympathy when I’ve been up with DC

He can be very dramatic.

Jamal - This isn't about our child being ill, I'm not moaning about that. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick!

He is a being a bit of a twat. However, you won’t resolve this when you are both knackered. If this is a one off then have a chat when you are both rested. If it is part of a “never mind you what about MEEEEE” pattern then you have a bigger problem.

He's being a drama llama. It was a tactless he made and it's been blown massively out of proportion.

Agree with the poster saying he’s only concerned about being right.

I can get that someone might without thinking say they had a crap night’s sleep to someone who’s clearly had a crapper one looking after their children. Any decent person would then realise how insensitive that was then apologise, not dig their heels in and twist things around the make themselves right.

Is that how he usually argues?

You’re both tired
You both had bad nights
Everyone has different thresholds for how they feel after sleeping poorly.

You are the one that turned this into a competition though.

I hope your household is feeling better shortly, and that you get a nap.

It also sounds like he’s in the habit of leaving the crappy parenting jobs to you, which makes it even more selfish and ridiculous for him to then complain about his situation if he’s just doing the easy parts.

I can't believe you've posted your text messages to sixteen million people in a bid to have random strangers tell you you are right and he is wrong.

People post texts all the time! I am NOT looking for 16 million people to tell me I'm right,l. God you sound like him!