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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people don’t want to be sociable?

132 replies

hotpinkice · 28/09/2019 16:03

AIBU to think most people just won’t come on nights out? Realistically, this is a young persons thing isn’t it?

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/09/2019 21:50

I love socialising. In the daytime. I meet friends in cafes, for brunch, lunch, dinner, go to the cinema or theatre, family friendly summer food festivals and the like.

I do not do: clubbing/drinking past midnight. I don't like club music any way, and to me socialising means talking to friends which doesn't happen in loud bars.

Toddler DS and I are both natural larks who struggle to sleep past 6.30am. I get tired from 9pm (earlier atm due to newborn DD). If I was out til 2am DC would still need care and attention from me in the morning, so it's just lost sleep time!

I can't stand the attitude from many natural night owl types that I'm "boring" purely based on the time of day my body clock likes to socialise. I think they are equally boring because they sleep through a lovely Sunday morning hungover while DH and I head out for brunch!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/09/2019 21:55

Would love to know who's looking after guest2013s 3 kids while she sleeps off the nights out. If it's her DP.... do they not socialise together? If it's someone else, well great for you if you a) have family who will provide childcare so much b) can afford huge amounts on babysitters c) get enough time with your kids in the week that you don't want to spend more weekend time with them - many working parents want to maximise weekend time with DC.

PancakeAndKeith · 29/09/2019 22:02

Going out for a meal with my friends or meeting up at their house is great. Going to a club sounds hellish.

Bloody hell, there’s some boring miserable people on here.
It’s this attitude that means that so many of us quieter people get made to feel that there is something wrong with us.

I’ve long been of the opinion that there is a tiny amount of people who actually enjoy night clubs and everyone else is just forced to go.

Stravapalava · 29/09/2019 22:16

I wouldn't say nights out are a young person's thing particularly. I love socialising but I hate "nights out." I'd rather do something else!

emilybrontescorsett · 29/09/2019 22:30

I like going out during the summer months during the day time/afernoon.
Once the dark nights come I'd rather settle down on the sofa in my dressing gown.

GaudyNight · 29/09/2019 22:56

I’m very sociable. I just hate clubs.

littlehappyhippo · 29/09/2019 23:35

@guest2013

Love going out! I'm 34 with 3 children including a Toddler. Regularly go out til the early hours. A weekend in is a weekend wasted!! I love any social thing, meals, cinema ,clubbing.. love hen dos, birthdays and weddings. Nobody on mumsnet would be friends with me haha.

Like @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland I am also curious as to who looks after your 3 children (including a toddler) whilst you swan off out clubbing 'until the small hours,' all weekend, every weekend.

As she said, if it's your partner, do you not socialise together?

And if it's both of you, then you're very lucky you have someone to look after your 3 kids every single weekend, (all weekend.)

If you are a single mom - again - you are lucky to have someone to look after all 3 kids all weekend, every weekend...

If you don't go out to work, then how can you possibly afford all these nights out?

And if you DO go out to work, do you not want to spend your weekends with your children, instead of palming them off onto others every weekend, and nursing a hangover, (which surely is a nightmare with '3 kids including a toddler....' ??? Wink )

cookingonwine · 30/09/2019 00:05

I used to be a right party animal... however I am now happily married. My preferred night out now is watching a band grabbing a pizza and being home by 10 ... I have no interest in going clubbing till 3am in the morning.

Titsywoo · 30/09/2019 00:06

No-one on here has said anything about people who DO go clubbing in their middle age! (Well not so far!)

Well you certainly have now!

I'm 40 and still enjoy going out but like most of my friends I don't drink so much anymore so dinner out or at a friend's with some wine is good enough for me. Still do the odd night out and enjoy it but not regularly and can't be added with clubbing but I never really enjoyed that. I like to be able to sit down and hear people talking. Don't get me wrong I love to dance but I need to be able to go back to a table afterwards and have a chat.

Adversecamber22 · 30/09/2019 01:16

I used to go on a night out every three months with women friends. Dinner, drinks, cocktails and bars that had music kind of thing. I don’t drink much alcohol at all. DH and I did still go out as well. I stopped because I became very unwell so didn’t have the energy. DH and I go out to dinner with friends or by ourselves in the evening about once a month. There are a couple of really nice relaxing quiet bars near our favourite restaurant so we often pop in after our dinner.

I liked clubs because I love dancing, Mother was a professional dancer and I do just adore it. My mother gave us ballet and tap Lessons at home. I have taken ballet, salsa and belly dancing lessons as an adult and DH and I have just started ballroom dancing lessons.

TravelDreamLife · 30/09/2019 02:08

I'm an introvert & have always been the same, regardless of age. I'd love to go out & socialise more with a small group if it's a dinner or lunch or even something different like a picnic & short hike somewhere or even a girls weekend away. However, everyone just seems to want to sit around home or clubs & binge drink. I don't enjoy more than one glass of wine so usually get excluded.

Purpleartichoke · 30/09/2019 02:53

Good social time is meeting for lunch or maybe a dinner that doesn’t go too late. I have never enjoyed what most people consider a night out.

Cherrysoup · 30/09/2019 07:05

Lunch and a massive catch up is my favourite thing with friends. Evening times are less attractive, I just cannot be bothered. We had to go to a pub the other night because of a mix up with our restaurant booking, it was hellish, incredibly noisy, I could barely hear my friends. Not my idea of fun.

Sagradafamiliar · 30/09/2019 09:18

I absolutely cannot be bothered with it. If I accept an invite, I'm secretly hoping something comes up or thinking of ways to cancel. I can guarantee that if I go out on Saturday night, it will be the exact same music, same people, same shiz as it was a year ago, 5 years ago even so I'm not missing out.
Round here, the big clubbers are in their late 40s-50s-60s, it's all our mums. They get a sort of second wind and start going out all the time again. Maybe that will be the case with me but until then I'm happy with a cuppa and Gogglebox!

thatoldpinkumbrella · 30/09/2019 09:29

YABU

depends to do what and who with!

I think when you have to pretty much stop when the children are little and you need all your energy and attention the following day and have no weekend rest. When they get older and it gets easier, you can have fun even if you have work the next day because you know you can have a lay-in at the weekend and the kids are more independent.

If you still behave like a student despite having kids, it's sad for them, and you should be less selfish.

Leontine · 30/09/2019 09:34

I cannot believe I used to go on nights out at least once a week when I was in my late teens and early 20’s. Absolutely can’t be arsed now. Grin

I saw a meme the other day that said something along the lines of “It’s true when they say that making friends is more difficult as you get older, because I just don’t want them”. Grin

LemonPrism · 30/09/2019 09:38

Am only 24 and tbh am getting really bored of spending too much money in a place with no seats where my friends can't hear me.

Would rather a pub or a meal out

zafferana · 30/09/2019 09:43

I love meeting up with friends, whether it's for lunch, coffee or dinner. I hate having to go into London in the evenings though - mainly because I hate coming home late on the train when I'm tired. If I could go out and then click my fingers and I'd be home again I wouldn't mind!

randomusername · 30/09/2019 09:44

I feel too old for a night out to be honest, don't think I'd enjoy it!

DeeCeeCherry · 30/09/2019 09:56

I socialise. I'm into retro Soul/Funk so I go out on that scene. DP is into another music scene also DJs so I join him there at times. I also get to the occasional swing/jive dance dance class, it's fun. Will wander to daytime events/festivals with either DP or friends too.

I have my days in between where I want to be quiet tho, just have a very lazy weekend chilling at home. But I'm not a house-bod. Of my friends it's mostly just 3 of us who meet up and go out, and that's fine. The others mainly sit at home watching other people's lives via FB or are into soaps, TV etc which I'm not so although we chat we have less in common. I can't be about all work and no play.

I'll sit indoors when the time comes I can't get up and out, but not before.

GaudyNight · 30/09/2019 10:05

I disagree strongly with whichever poster posted a somewhat self-righteous post a while about how happy, well-adjusted people in their 30s and 40s should 'have everything they want at home' and therefore be snuggling up in their pyjamas on the sofa rather than clubbing -- I think that's a weirdly prescriptive (and pretty ageist) set of ideas.

I think people should do what they want at whatever age they feel like doing it. It's as odd to think that a 20 year old should feel like some kind of social failure because she's not falling out of a club at 3 am at least once a week as it is to think that a 40something should feel s/he is supposed to be stapled to the sofa in happy coupledom because going out dancing is for the young, single and childfree.

And at any age, thinking that not liking clubbing/drinking makes you 'unsociable' is as weird as thinking that everyone should like macramé or extreme sports or they're unsociable.

Kaykay06 · 30/09/2019 10:11

Why does it matter what other people do to socialise? Surely you gravitate to people who enjoy doing the things you do?
I have friends who enjoy dinner and drinks and a few others who love a night out, usually I prefer to stay local but I sometimes venture further afield but like my own bed and not too late, purely because I’m overweight just now and feel like I’m dragging myself about Grin. I like a snuggly night in, with a few drinks or a hot chocolate too. Doesn’t mean I’m not sociable, I, like many on here do what makes me happy.

Potnoodledoo · 30/09/2019 10:16

I would rather a lunchtime.afternoon food and a few drinks.Places are not as crowded or noisy.

thatoldpinkumbrella · 30/09/2019 10:24

to be fair, seeing middle-age people or parents clubbing is a bit tragic! Grin

Going out is one thing, but trying to behave like a care-free young adult is sad - you should have got that out of your system by the time you grow up, and even worst by the time you decide you are mature enough to have kids.

Don't you remember cringing when you were a teen or early 20s in a club seeing middle-age people?

GaudyNight · 30/09/2019 11:13

to be fair, seeing middle-age people or parents clubbing is a bit tragic!

Gosh, @thatoldpinkumbrella, are you always so afraid of what 'young people' think of you?

And do you also have other hard and fast age-related rules, such as women over fifty shouldn't have long hair/hair dyed a non-natural colour/wear Doc Martins etc?

Your strictures on parents are interesting. Are very young parents still allowed to go clubbing? Someone on another thread had a baby at 15. Is she supposed to embrace a life of TV-watching forever, because of her parent status?