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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be wary of making any further payments?

570 replies

Abcdefgfedcba · 28/09/2019 08:46

I've been very stupid by not keeping a log of everything and am now in a real pickle.

A friend allowed me to purchase items on a catalogue in her name. This was various items over 12 months. I was not the only person, which means the payments made monthly onto the catalogue were for various peoples orders.

I stupidly didn't keep a record of what was bought and what was paid back.

I've asked a few times now for her to send me information of the total cost, along with payments made towards that. She keeps saying she will do this, but never does.

She's not messaging me up to 10 times a day saying I need to pay at least 100 per month because I owe her over 2k.

Looking at my bank statements I have already paid back over 1k.

I ordered clothing, kids Xmas presents last year, a smart watch, laptop.

Am I Being a terrible person to not want to keep putting money into her bank without seeing proof of how much I owe at least?

I'm worried that I'll end up paying money back indefinitely even after clearing the balance.

I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to buy things on the catalogue, but I just want a statement or something to show where I'm up to.

I now feel harassed and stressed by the constant texts. Should I just put more money into her bank?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Isthisreallylife · 29/09/2019 23:06

By the time you read this no doubt every MNr will have suggested it but
Why not contact the CAB and ask their advice?
Write down everything you can remember, total all costs, take off what you’ve already paid and tell her you’ll pay the rest back?
If she disagrees, ask her to explain why?
I hope this helps 😳😳

pepsirolla · 30/09/2019 00:38

Re my previous post unless you had a written contract with her, detailing how much you borrowed and the time and amount you had to repay ( just written down and signed) you do not owe her anything and any debt with Very is hers as the contract was between her and them.

MissLadyM · 30/09/2019 00:43

You need to get paperwork to sort it. You really should have done this from the start though. She's daft for doing it in the first place but you should be more responsible tbh. Did you think she was a soft touch?

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 30/09/2019 01:00

If you ordered October, the interest for that order wouldn’t be added until November statement (I have a Very account too) I’m guessing she hasn’t paid the money off of that order at all at any point, and so the interest for that whole 12 month period is due and it’s a lot! As someone else said, the APR is very high on Very for BNPL for this reason. They’re hoping the account holder doesn’t pay it off within that 12 months and will owe a stack of interest. You shouldn’t pay for her mistake. I’m assuming there were other orders that all qualified for 12 months BNPL? So they wouldn’t be accruing interest yet anyway. Stick firm to your plan to demand some sort of statement from her. She’s banking on the fact that you will just pay it. Good luck OP

WellThisIsShit · 30/09/2019 02:13

What a mess, I really hope you get it sorted out OP.

MutedUser · 30/09/2019 03:08

It doesn’t add up why she would open up her account to multiple people . Your not even a close friend to her . I wouldn’t even take on this kind of debt for a family member so they could buy Xmas presents it’s bizarre.

Bugbabe1970 · 30/09/2019 05:43

You should have kept a list of what you bought and how much you have paid so this isn’t your friends fault entirely
Remember there will be a lot of interest on what you bought.
Surely you have it written down somewhere 🤔

Bugbabe1970 · 30/09/2019 05:45

Ask her for statements
If she hasn’t got them she can request back statements from the company

YobaOljazUwaque · 30/09/2019 05:54

You need to say very clearly that you are happy to pay what you actually owe but cannot keep paying without being given a proper statement of account. do not make any commitment to pay the interest too - the interest may be steep but that really isn't your problem and choosing to make it your problem could bankrupt you. You are only liable for interest if you already signed an enforceable agreement committing to doing so. It is entirely possible that you have already paid off the actual cost of what you bought and she is trying to make you pay interest that will be at a rate you never signed up for.

Were all your requests made verbally or might you find some records in your own sms text or email history?

ElleMac44 · 30/09/2019 06:29

Tell her you have an appointment with the CAB about ALL your finances, and tell her they have told you to bring a list of what you owe the catalogue ECT, so they can help you sort your debt, if she's genuine, she will provide the paperwork for the CAB if it's something dodgy, she'll soon let you know what she thinks of that. This way you will know if she's telling the truth.

lemonjumper · 30/09/2019 07:45

As many others in the thread have said, you need to ask her for an itemised list of everything you bought, what it cost, when you bought it and what you have paid towards it (which you can cross reference with your bank statement).

You can use that list to see how much you still owe, when any interest-free payment periods end and how to structure your remaining payments to her.

Your friend is the one with the credit agreement and only SHE is liable for the debt, so it is in her interest to give you that list.

Do not make any more payments until you have the list, otherwise it may never end.

If your friend threatens you with legal action, then remember that they won't get very far if they have not provided you with written confirmation of the amount owed, which is all you are asking for.

Totaldogsbody · 30/09/2019 08:24

Tell her that although you are willing to pay for what you ordered you do not want to pay interest which is why you want an inventory of everything bought. Say that you have asked for this on many occasions but she has yet to provide you with the information and that as far as you are aware you have now paid for goods in full and will not be making any further payments until she proves that you owe a certain amount. If you really do owe more she will be able to show you how much you have paid off and how much is still due. If any threats are made by the husband inform the police. In the meantime if you can open a credit union or bank account and save for birthdays and Christmas many firms deduct money from wages and pay direct into these accounts and it stops you having to get yourself into debt to pay for them.

Original poster
Abcdefgfedcba · 30/09/2019 12:22

I have had a reply stating she is away on holiday for 2 weeks and will do it once back.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 30/09/2019 12:26

Good, tell her once she's given them to you you'll pay her what you owe. Then do nothing.

Flamingle18 · 30/09/2019 12:30

If all your orders came to your address then the orders will have been placed separately from others and she can click on each individual block of orders. My guess is she's not used your payments to pay off your items and it's resulted in a load more interest than there should be.
Maybe try messaging again and say you are trying to budget your money and to do this you need to know exact amounts

Perisoire · 30/09/2019 12:56

This is all very strange and odd but she must be making money from this. If not, why would anyone order for so many people?

MRex · 30/09/2019 12:59

@Abcdefgfedcba - tell her you need to clarify the sums sooner than that to ensure you are not responsible for any interest. Suggest if she hasn't time to get you the statement then she can give you the login details, you won't order anything but will just print the statements.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 30/09/2019 13:09

OP cannot be chased for debt unless she signed a written agreement with the friend to pay it. That has to clearly state amount owed and times to pay back.

That is not true at all. It is true that it is significantly harder to pursue debt without a written agreement but here the OP ordered goods to her own house, has communicated with the 'friend' in writing about repayments and has made repayments. It would almost certainly pass the threshold for establishing that a debt existed. The onus would then be on friend to claim how much OP still owes; and OP to either agree or dispute that.

But I suspect it won't matter. Stick to your guns, OP. No more payments until you've got the information you need.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/09/2019 14:22

I also think this 'friend' targeted the OP and is an amateur loan shark. OP sounds scatty and unassertive and not great with money - just the sort of person crooks like this go after. I wouldn't be surprised if the 'friend' egged OP on to buy more stuff than she really meant to.

When she starts screaming for money next month, OP, can you have a friend or family member on hand to help you deal with her and stay firm?

AKAanothername · 30/09/2019 14:30

I think she's stalling, OP. If she's a childminder why would she take two weeks holiday in term-time?

YobaOljazUwaque · 30/09/2019 15:38

I don't think you have been an idiot at all, and I don't think you are in the wrong.

If anyone has been stupid it is your friend, who should never have allowed other people to benefit from credit in her name and should never have allowed that situation to persist without giving clear statements of who owes who what. The fact that she is resisting giving any such statements suggests to me that actually she might not be quite so stupid, and is actively trying to scam people, in which case she is not your friend.

You don't have an enforceable credit agreement. You have a friend who effectively took out credit on your behalf. You have been paying that off in good faith and regularly asking for a proper statement of what amounts are still owing. Even if she took you to court, the court would not rule against you because you have been doing everything right.

If she's away on holiday for 2 weeks she's hardly facing financial ruin herself is she? One might even wonder whether she has a string of "friends" she has done this with, selecting those who are likely to be a bit disorganised and vulnerable themselves, in order to create a nice little earner for herself where she has convinced a dozen people they are still paying off debts when in fact the debt was paid off long ago, and is now having a nice holiday with the proceeds, having sent out various aggressive demands a week or so before departure to glean a bit of holiday spending money. She may have defaulted on the catalogue debt herself or set up an IVA agreement to pay it off at £5 per month and then be using the "repayments" from her friends as income. That might be a bit too paranoid of me - it could equally just be her being too scatterbrained for words.

Ellisandra · 30/09/2019 16:17

Bullshit she’s on holiday - but that’s not your problem.

Well done for sending the email.

Now, you have to stand firm next payday.

To the texts in the days before: ignore, no matter how many there are. She needs to learn that harassing* you doesn’t work. Only on the day your payment is due, email her a reminder: I am ready to pay £100, but as stated before, I will only continue payment once I have had the statement of what I owe. Every tine you pay, she has NO reason to provide your with the details.

I think she hadn’t been paying some or all of the payments to the account. She has texted you all saying the account is at its limit - it wouldn’t be, if she was handling it properly.

*I say harassing, but actually sending reminders is a basic form of credit control. As you can’t say how much you spent I don’t think we can quite say she’s in the wrong for chasing payment yet.

Ellisandra · 30/09/2019 16:18

Have you reported to Ofsted that your childminder’s husband was inappropriate around the children?

EttyG · 30/09/2019 16:25

A bit of a long shot (not sure if this would be in breach of GDPR) but I wonder if Very would resend copy delivery notes to the delivery address. They would have sent these originally so they are only being resent to the same place again. But it's whether only the account holder can request them. Might be worth asking though so you've got something to work with the next two weeks.

caringcarer · 30/09/2019 16:36

Tell her you need to see all items you ordered/received and a record of all payments you have made and until she does this you will not pay any more. If she refuses I would ring the catalogue and explain the situation telling them you know you owe money but do not know how much exactly. I would not order anything else form her.