Would this piss you off?

[rosemary7]

I have two questions 1) do you think the following is bad or am I just sensitive? 2) would you mention anything?

So: SIL is due her first child and is the first of us all to have a child (also eldest). PIL are difficult and not particularly emotional but "prove love" through buying things - at least when they were all kids. This definitely explains DP's emotional side, or lack of.

Her baby shower is coming up and MIL (her and DP's mum just in case anyone is getting confused) said she can't go as they booked a UK mini break. They go on several a year. SIL was a bit sad that MIL wouldn't rearrange but as it was non refundable and booked first, she let it go.

However, we found out a few things. Firstly MIL is having cosmetic surgery that she hasn't told anyone about (she accidentally emailed us the £20k(!!!) invoice as DP has same name as FIL) and the holiday they booked they cancelled as it got a few bad reviews so they have rebooked (and lost their deposit) a new place somewhere different.

I've put it all together and realised MIL is having her cosmetic surgery (no reason to she's just in general a bit old) and going straight on this holiday so no one will see. I think it's bad she wouldn't even change anything for her own daughter's baby shower (she's had months of notice) and at the very least, has kept it all a secret!

Am I just being over the top? My mum would just never do that!

1. no it wouldn’t bother me at all- it would be nothing to do with me just as its nothing to do with you.
2. absolutely not. Again it’s none of your business!

Why would you even think this is anything to do with you or that you should tell your SIL?

Maybe the thought of being a dgm has sent her running for the knife.

Baby showers aren’t particularly important events. It’s not as if she’s missing a wedding.

Maybe your PILs just don't have a great affinity for kids?

There is much to be said for a quiet life, so stay out of it.

She’s missing the baby shower not the birth....:not a big deal at all. Even if it was do not say anything because the only person who will come out badly will be you.

That was a long winded way to explain the issue!!

No it wouldn’t bother me as baby showers are not important events. However, if they were important to me and my mum wasn’t coming, I would talk to her if i was upset. I wouldn’t want my SIL or anyone else talking to my mum for me

Not sure if YABU or YANBU to be honest. 😀
I can understand why she'd want to go away, if she'll have bruising that's noticeable for example, and doesn't want to explain to people. And sometimes cosmetic surgery can be born out of non vanity reasons...my friend had an eye lift because the drooping was affecting their vision for example.

I think the main thing is you could understand why she couldn't cancel if she's invested 20k in something, and psyched herself up for it?

Could SIL have not rescheduled the shower?

If they are cold maybe it'll be a nicer shower without her.

No it wouldn't piss me off. You are being over the top. She clearly booked the holiday because she was uncomfortable people knowing about the surgery so which would you have her do? Cancel the surgery or the holiday and have her uncomfortable with people knowing? All for what? A few hours at a makey upy occasion that was booked after her surgery. Seriously, do not make an issue where there is none

And if sil was that bothered then surely she would arrange a date her mother wasn't away

Baby showers really aren't important events, it is not a wedding or the birth. She may also see it as something you do with friends. My mum has never been to one and wouldn't see it as important enough to change a holiday for.

Wow. So much none of your business!!
So fucking what about a baby shower, they are nothing at all important. She can still have one with her friends anyway.
Surgery and holiday after so nobody notices until she's healed is a great idea and not something which can be rearranged lightly.
Honestly this is a non issue and none of your business anyway. Keep your beak out and let her get on with it.

MIL's surgery is none of your business. Her & your SIL's relationship is none of your business either. I'm getting a meddling, stirring vibe.

A baby shower is not a huge event like a wedding. I would think it is mad to suggest someone change their holiday or surgery plans around it!

Obviously you should not talk about mil's surgery as it is not your place, and she is entitled to her privacy if she wants it.

YABU. Perfectly fine for her to have cosmetic surgery, perfectly fine for her to have a break to weather out the worst of the after-effects, perfectly fine to miss a baby shower. Also perfectly fine for her to have bought her children gifts when they were children if that was part of the complaint.

I don't understand why you're concerned about this. Baby showers are pointless in my opinion - certainly not a "save the date"-worthy event, and it's your MIL's business if she wants cosmetic surgery.

Do I sense some disapproval at MIL's spending?

I'm not sure how in any universe this is any of your business.

As it goes, I would also have elective surgery to get me out of a baby shower.

Wow you're way too invested.

Baby showers are shit anyway.

Non issue. Personally I'd happily book a mini break after finding out about a proposed baby shower, just to avoid it.

Baby showers are no big deal. They’re frankly a bit weird. It’s not a wedding. Not the birth. It’s a non-event. Therefore MIL has done nothing wrong.

It’s nice if you’re excited but you sound a bit over-invested in SIL’s baby shower. From what you’ve said I’m sure MIL is likely to buy SIL a gift or two so it’s really not a big deal that she’s missing it. And none of this affects you so I’d have a quiet giggle to DH about MIL’s plastic surgery if you’re so inclined (the thought of being a Grandmother has her rushing to look younger!) and then mention it to no one else. Attend SIL’s shower if you would like to and tell MIL she looks very well rested next time you see her!

The information was sent to your DP by mistake and you should definitely not tell others about it. I would, however, suggest that your DP tells her he has received the invoice in error rather than FIL. I wouldn't expect her to discuss it with him or you though as it is none of your business.

She is going on a UK break but just having this treatment beforehand. This is obviously more important than a baby shower. I think you are being over-sensitive.

Nope. This wouldn't piss me off at all.

I think baby showers are a bit naff. I wouldn’t expect to go to my daughters, although, surprisingly I was invited to my nieces (I suspect with no notion I would attend). At best, there a sort of goodbye to pregnant colleagues before they disappear on maternity leave.

I don’t blame the woman. Why would she want people to see her bruised and swollen faced? A short break is an excellent idea for convalescence. Nobody else’s business.

Sorry OP, another one here who thinks this is no big deal, wouldn’t bother me at all and I definitely would not say anything!