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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this piss you off?

125 replies

rosemary7 · 26/09/2019 21:58

I have two questions 1) do you think the following is bad or am I just sensitive? 2) would you mention anything?

So: SIL is due her first child and is the first of us all to have a child (also eldest). PIL are difficult and not particularly emotional but "prove love" through buying things - at least when they were all kids. This definitely explains DP's emotional side, or lack of.

Her baby shower is coming up and MIL (her and DP's mum just in case anyone is getting confused) said she can't go as they booked a UK mini break. They go on several a year. SIL was a bit sad that MIL wouldn't rearrange but as it was non refundable and booked first, she let it go.

However, we found out a few things. Firstly MIL is having cosmetic surgery that she hasn't told anyone about (she accidentally emailed us the £20k(!!!) invoice as DP has same name as FIL) and the holiday they booked they cancelled as it got a few bad reviews so they have rebooked (and lost their deposit) a new place somewhere different.

I've put it all together and realised MIL is having her cosmetic surgery (no reason to she's just in general a bit old) and going straight on this holiday so no one will see. I think it's bad she wouldn't even change anything for her own daughter's baby shower (she's had months of notice) and at the very least, has kept it all a secret!

Am I just being over the top? My mum would just never do that!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 26/09/2019 22:19

Am I just being over the top? My mum would just never do that!

My mum would never spend £20K on cosmetic surgery but I’m not sure what that’s got to do with it?!

Look, your MIL clearly doesn’t want to look like ‘Grandma’ and needs to be all healed when the baby is born for the photofest. Let her get on with it!

Whether she’s reasonable to want to have cosmetic surgery and hide it is really no one’s business but hers. Baby showers are 100% not the main event and no proof of motherly or grandmotherly love.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/09/2019 22:24

Baby showers aren't important at all.

They'd already booked a holiday and presumably the cosmetic surgery was sorted out so what if they've changed and re booked somewhere else.

YABU on both counts.

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2019 22:24

Christ, it's just a baby shower.

She doesn't have to justify what she chooses to spend her own money on or when.

IncrediblySadToo · 26/09/2019 22:28

It’s a bloody baby shower not the birth FFS.

Her getting plastic surgery is none of your business, nor how much she’s spent on it. Of course she’s booked s holiday afterwards, it’s what most people who could afford to do so, would do

Mind your own business!!

If your SIL was that bothered that her mum was there, she should have arranged a date with her first before planning it

Ponoka7 · 26/09/2019 22:29

Perhaps she wants to be fully recovered from the surgery by the time her DD is due to give birth?

I'm a hands on Nan but i wouldn't rearrange for a baby shower, if I'd coordinated surgery and a holiday.

Your MIL and your Mum are two different people and aren't in competition.

How would you be liked to be judged based on what others do or don't do?

NotGreenNotKeen · 26/09/2019 22:30

Baby showers are ridiculous and an unessential Americanism, like a prom for an expectant mother!

Honeyroar · 26/09/2019 22:31

Baby showers are silly, unimportant parties. I'd happily book a holiday over one! Plus it's much easier to rearrange a baby shower than a holiday. As for the plastic surgery. It's not what I'd choose to spend that much money on, but it's her money..

BlueCornsihPixie · 26/09/2019 22:44

Why if SIL cared about MIL coming did she plan it when her mum was away?

BlueMoonRising · 26/09/2019 22:47

It wouldn't bother me at all. Not my baby shower, not my mother. I don't understand why someone would get worked up over someone else's baby shower tbh!

Hotsummerplease · 26/09/2019 22:49

Baby showers are 'cringe' and only recently a 'thing'. Life is stressful enough.. .let this one go.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/09/2019 22:50

I think OP is just buzzing with her juicy gossip on her MIL (who she doesn’t like) and wants justification for sharing it.

You won’t get it here OP.

Hotsummerplease · 26/09/2019 23:07

Joxer think you're right Grin. Am sure I'd rather have cosmetic surgery than go to a baby shower any way.

CheeryB · 26/09/2019 23:09

SIL was a bit sad that MIL wouldn't rearrange but as it was non refundable and booked first, she let it go
So why didn't she rearrange the baby shower? Much easier than rescheduling surgery or a holiday. I've never been to a baby shower, have always managed to wriggle out of it.

PurpleDaisies · 26/09/2019 23:10

It’s pretty entitled to ask someone to reschedule a booked holiday to come to a baby shower.

CheeryB · 26/09/2019 23:13

What do people do at baby showers? Is it just to get presents? If so, what about when the baby's born? More presents?

tweedledeedo · 26/09/2019 23:14

Why is everyone saying it's the baby shower not the birth?!

Does MIL have to be at the birth? Usually on MN there's a resting period with no visitors of at least a month Hmm

tweedledeedo · 26/09/2019 23:15

And yes op. YABU. Wouldn't stick my nose in if I were you, your boyfriend's sister will always end up siding with her mum rather than you.

EL8888 · 26/09/2019 23:17

It’s hard for to comment as l think baby showers are a load of old shit. If it was birthday, graduation etc then l wouldn’t be happy

GettingABitDesperateNow · 26/09/2019 23:24

Absolutely no way would I change or expect anyone else to change surgery, or a holiday, or pretty much any pre standing arrangement for afternoon tea and 'guess the gender' type games.

73Sunglasslover · 26/09/2019 23:33
  1. No
  2. No

If SIL really wanted her mum at the baby shower she should have checked when her mum was free. If you just plump for a weekend than you have to accept a chance that she may not be free.

Cantstopgrazing · 26/09/2019 23:36

It's nothing to do with you so YABU.

1Morewineplease · 26/09/2019 23:36

Being a sad old hag, I find the notion of baby showers abhorrent. It’s a relatively new import from the States. They usually involve young folk to gush over each other and vie over the gifts that others bring. ( with lots of mwah, mwahing to be done)
It’s a generational thing and your MIL clearly doesn’t feel that it’s important enough to attend... might probably feel like the eldest one there. Why should she attend? I wouldn’t dream of crashing my kids’ baby showers! ( wouldn’t want to feel like the token eldy!)

CadburysCremeSmeggs · 26/09/2019 23:47

Baby showers are so overrated. This would not bother me at all, sorry but YABU.

CloudRusting · 26/09/2019 23:51

Tbh the op is coming over as licking her lips at finding out juicy gossip and wants to up the drama.

The MIL isn’t missing a wedding or christening. It is a baby shower and frankly I find them tacky and cringey.

SilverySurfer · 26/09/2019 23:52

Baby showers are ridiculous things of no importance and many people would prefer to give gifts after the birth.

Why don't you take your nose out of other people's business?

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