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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this piss you off?

125 replies

rosemary7 · 26/09/2019 21:58

I have two questions 1) do you think the following is bad or am I just sensitive? 2) would you mention anything?

So: SIL is due her first child and is the first of us all to have a child (also eldest). PIL are difficult and not particularly emotional but "prove love" through buying things - at least when they were all kids. This definitely explains DP's emotional side, or lack of.

Her baby shower is coming up and MIL (her and DP's mum just in case anyone is getting confused) said she can't go as they booked a UK mini break. They go on several a year. SIL was a bit sad that MIL wouldn't rearrange but as it was non refundable and booked first, she let it go.

However, we found out a few things. Firstly MIL is having cosmetic surgery that she hasn't told anyone about (she accidentally emailed us the £20k(!!!) invoice as DP has same name as FIL) and the holiday they booked they cancelled as it got a few bad reviews so they have rebooked (and lost their deposit) a new place somewhere different.

I've put it all together and realised MIL is having her cosmetic surgery (no reason to she's just in general a bit old) and going straight on this holiday so no one will see. I think it's bad she wouldn't even change anything for her own daughter's baby shower (she's had months of notice) and at the very least, has kept it all a secret!

Am I just being over the top? My mum would just never do that!

OP posts:

NoSauce · 28/09/2019 05:21

However you're right in that there's an issue with spending. I'm very much on the side of "spend it where you want" but PIL have said they can't contribute to our wedding because they're short of money despite contributing to the other children's. But that's actually the minority issue

I think that’s probably the biggest issue. There’s always some other reason that posters tend to leave out at first ( usually we never really get to hear what the real problem is ) regarding why they dislike their MIL so much. We very rarely get to hear the whole story, if ever.

fannyanney · 28/09/2019 05:37

Baby showers are pretty shite, in my opinion. Maybe her opinion is the same

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 28/09/2019 06:50

"but PIL have said they can't contribute to our wedding because they're short of money despite contributing to the other children's. But that's actually the minority issue"

This is what my GP calls the "Hand on the Door Handle" issue...

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 28/09/2019 06:56

Your far too invested, why does she have to tell anyone she’s having surgery, it’s nothing to do with anyone expect her.

As for the baby’s shower, it’s a meh point, as MIL has booked in for the surgery as the venue she booked into was not of her standard, nothings changed.

Keep your nose out, as frankly it’s got nothing to do with you.

Jimdandy · 28/09/2019 06:58

No, I see it the other way round.

MIL already had plans when SIL made the plans, so SIL should change. Or should have checked people she definitely wanted there were free.

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2019 06:59

How very dare she spend your inheritance like this- it’s absolutely shocking!

msmith501 · 28/09/2019 07:04

It's a baby shower - meaningless drivel and a waste of time and money; a recent phenomena brought over from the States and pushed by brands like Hallmark. I'd book a holiday or cosmetic surgery so that I didn't have to attend. But then I have a life.

BusyDoingNothingx · 28/09/2019 07:15

Tbh if I was having surgery I wouldn't want anyone to know.
Why does it matter that it's 20k? It's her money. you seem a bit invested I'd just let it go.
Baby showers are shite anyway.

northernknickers · 28/09/2019 07:19

I'd rather go to Lidl than go to a baby shower!

You seem WAY too invested in your PILs affairs! Back off...none of your business!

Catapillarsruletheworld · 28/09/2019 07:19

Baby showers are a new phenomenon, I find them a bit cringy and attention seeking tbh.

I wouldn’t be annoyed if someone didn’t come to an event I’d decided on for the sole purpose of being then centre of attention and getting some stuff!

It’s not like she’s going away over your SILs due date.

Rainycloudyday · 28/09/2019 07:20

You sound like a complete nightmare. Is your own life really empty or something? This is so far beyond none of your business it’s bizarre that you took the time to start a thread on the internet about it

dudsville · 28/09/2019 07:24

I don't think this would bother me.

painauchocolat84 · 28/09/2019 07:24

I wouldn’t be at all annoyed! Nor would I even dream of rearranging my mini break or surgery just to attend a bloody baby shower! It literally wouldn’t even cross my mind to be annoyed to be honest. If I found out about her surgery I’d just think ‘Good for her!’ and then get on with my day 🤷‍♀️

Praiseyou · 28/09/2019 07:29

MIL is not being deceitful. She had arranged surgery and was going to get it done quietly. It's only come to light because of an email sent in error.

If SIL wanted her mum there, why didn't she ask her was she available before she sent the invites.

saraclara · 28/09/2019 07:30

It's another can't do right for doing wrong situation. If MIL spends money on herself she's being selfish and deceitful. If she spends it on her family, apparently that's a bad way to show love in the OP's eyes.

There will be a multitude of ways that MIL will be helping out (and will be expected to, it seems) when the baby arrives. The shower is the last important thing by a country mile.

Bucatini · 28/09/2019 07:35

Of course she's not being honest about it. Surely most people who have cosmetic surgery keep it quiet (out of embarrassment)?

KatnissMellark · 28/09/2019 07:36

MIL does not have to share her medical details with you. Definitely keep your nose out.

Bucatini · 28/09/2019 07:36

Look OP, I'm sure it's true that your MIL is not a particularly nice person. But she is absolutely entitled to privacy over her surgery and recovery plans.

MerryDeath · 28/09/2019 07:52

it's a baby shower... your MIL sounds fabulous.

feistymumma · 28/09/2019 08:06

YABU why should she reschedule her holiday for a baby shower of all things? Reschedule the baby shower of it's that big of a deal.

ginrummy1 · 28/09/2019 08:09

YABU
Your MIL obviously had booked her cosmetic surgery and was looking for time away to recover before the baby shower was planned.

Missing a baby shower is nothing to get worked up about, it is an excuse to have a party, really no big deal.

I think you have to get over this as neither the cosmetic surgery or the baby shower is any of your business to be getting worked up about

Kanga83 · 28/09/2019 08:16

It's a baby shower....no one except the mum to be cares anywhere near as much as you might think. Let her go on her holiday. She booked it first, even if she hadn't, it's only a baby shower. It's up there with gender reveal parties. I'm pretty sure she'll be there with the grabby gifts (which is what a baby shower is really about) once her grandchild actually arrives.

seven201 · 28/09/2019 08:36

It's perfectly fine to tell a white lie over something like this. She obviously wants to keep it private.

She must know you dh has seen the invoice by now though? It's a bit odd that she's accidentally forwarded on two separate emails in a short space of time 1 with the invoice and 1 with the holiday info. Unless they were somehow combined into one.

bellinisurge · 28/09/2019 08:38

It's a generation thing. I'm in my 50s (with a 12 year old) and think baby showers are a stupid.
If my dd wanted a baby shower in the future, I would go along with it and make nice .
That said, I massively judge anyone who has plastic surgery for vanity reasons which is also an age thing.

SavingSpaces2019 · 28/09/2019 15:19

Haha! You're funny OP!
I absolutely hate the idea of a baby shower, I have to travel 3 hours to this one and ages ago I posted a thread about how I wanted to not go. The issue is that MIL is not being honest

You're not being honest either!
You're pissed off PIL favoured their other dc when it came to wedding contributions and not your DH - but you've not been honest about it to them.
You don't want to go to the babyshower either but are too chicken shit to make your excuses - so are pissed off that PIL are able to get out of it.

Jealousy and envy is what i see from you.
SIL might be upset that some people can't make her babyshower but she just needs to suck that up as an adult - and because this fad is so contrived and cliche.

Travelling 3 hours for a babyshower you don't even want to go to - you're mad!

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