Would this piss you off?

[rosemary7]

I have two questions 1) do you think the following is bad or am I just sensitive? 2) would you mention anything?

So: SIL is due her first child and is the first of us all to have a child (also eldest). PIL are difficult and not particularly emotional but "prove love" through buying things - at least when they were all kids. This definitely explains DP's emotional side, or lack of.

Her baby shower is coming up and MIL (her and DP's mum just in case anyone is getting confused) said she can't go as they booked a UK mini break. They go on several a year. SIL was a bit sad that MIL wouldn't rearrange but as it was non refundable and booked first, she let it go.

However, we found out a few things. Firstly MIL is having cosmetic surgery that she hasn't told anyone about (she accidentally emailed us the £20k(!!!) invoice as DP has same name as FIL) and the holiday they booked they cancelled as it got a few bad reviews so they have rebooked (and lost their deposit) a new place somewhere different.

I've put it all together and realised MIL is having her cosmetic surgery (no reason to she's just in general a bit old) and going straight on this holiday so no one will see. I think it's bad she wouldn't even change anything for her own daughter's baby shower (she's had months of notice) and at the very least, has kept it all a secret!

Am I just being over the top? My mum would just never do that!

*Why is everyone saying it's the baby shower not the birth?!

Does MIL have to be at the birth? Usually on MN there's a resting period with no visitors of at least a month hmm*

Did you read the op?

Didn't have baby showers in my baby days, 15-20 years ago. Gifts for the baby were generally bought after the safe delivery and taken round at a decent interval after the birth.

So no, it wouldnt piss me off, yes you are being over the top and expecting someone to move a schedule surgery and booked holiday for a couple of hours standing round at a baby shower - YABVU

PIL..."prove love" through buying things
Sounds like life is going to be an eternal babyshower for them then doesn't it?
No big deal to miss this one.

I’d rsvp no to a bay shower whether going away or not. They are just events held so gain gifts which I don’t agree with. Usually accompanied by tacky games etc.

No wouldn't bother me at all, baby showers aren't everybody's cup of tea.

A holiday (for whatever reason) definitely trumps a baby shower.

If SIL really wanted her DM there I'm sure she would've arranged the date for when they are back from their holiday.

Stay out of it. It was planned beforehand and it's only a baby shower (I didn't even have one, I think they're stupid attention seeking nonsense personally). Really no big deal.I'm sure she will more than make up for it with gifts once the baby is actually born.

Good on her.
Baby showers are shite.
20k on comestic surgery and a lay down sounds the perfect response to finding out one is to be a grandmother.
And it gives you all something to talk about

Stay out of it, if you get involved you’ll come off worse.

Uh I still don't understand the point in baby showers. They seem ridiculous and so cringey. What do people DO at them?...

Another one here who would book a break just to avoid a fucking excruciating baby shower.
None of your business how MIL spends her money or her time.

If the surgery and holiday were booked already why are you expecting her to change it?
Why didn't the baby shower get changed as I assume it's a lot easier to change that than surgery and a holiday.

And I also agree baby showers are so pointless, I want sat one this year and we sat around and drank coffee and ate sandwiches and people played shit games.

Sorry for disappearing. I think it's because I know SIL is upset but understands because it's a non refundable holiday. Of course she doesn't know that it was cancelled, then rearranged, and because she's having surgery she is lying about.

She would be deeply hurt if she knew and I won't say a word.

However you're right in that there's an issue with spending. I'm very much on the side of "spend it where you want" but PIL have said they can't contribute to our wedding because they're short of money despite contributing to the other children's. But that's actually the minority issue.

The issue regarding the arrangement of the baby shower is PIL didn't tell anyone about the holiday or the surgery. Surgery is still secret but holiday came to light upon receiving the baby shower invite. Cannot be arranged for legitimate reasons that are telling

@saraclara you are just ridiculous. Life threatening surgery? Not something people should know about?

You are strange

@finn1020 I don't dislike my MiL but I think she has the characteristics of a bad person. She hates people overweight and will happily comment to them about being fat, she is very absorbed by appearance. Luckily she likes me because I fit her norms.
She is the type of person MN would actually hate which is why I find this amusing

She probably agrees that baby showers are a load of tripe. I wouldn't say it was worth cancelling a holiday for at all

I think the real issue here, although you say it is a minor one, is MIL spending £20k on what you see as unnecessary surgery whilst refusing to contribute to your wedding.

I'm not saying you are not concerned for your SIL but I'm not sure this would annoy you as much as it does if you hadn't seen that invoice.

@Eastie77 you're right, probably not.

But it actually comes from another hit of MIL not caring. All her children have extreme issues around emotion. It's insane and could be a great psychology experiment.

I absolutely hate the idea of a baby shower, I have to travel 3 hours to this one and ages ago I posted a thread about how I wanted to not go. The issue is that MIL is not being honest. She's lying to everyone and if she told the truth no one would mind her not being there. This just seems deceitful to me!

@saraclara you are just ridiculous. Life threatening surgery? Not something people should know about?

Life threatening? It's a facelift, not open heart surgery.

You are strange

And you are rude.

But surely it's normal that she doesn't want to tell all and sundry that she is having plastic surgery. It's a very personal decision. I doubt I'd tell people and would probably also say I was just going on holiday. The last thing I'd want is nosy family members all waiting to see the results.

PIL have said they can't contribute to our wedding because they're short of money despite contributing to the other children's. But that's actually the minority issue.

Ah, now it becomes clear. You couldn’t really give a stuff about the baby shower - you just thought it sounded better than ‘the selfish old cow will spend £20k on facelifts and lipo, but I can’t have my reception in a castle’.

The issue is that MIL is not being honest. She's lying to everyone and if she told the truth no one would mind her not being there.

Why does she need to tell the truth? She doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.

This just seems deceitful to me!

I agree with @Eastie77 and @StillCoughingandLaughing

OP this is not deceit or being odd, she understandably doesn't want to share the fact she's having surgery, and you should respect her privacy.

OP I know this is by-the-by but maybe they couldn't contribute to your wedding because they had paid for her surgery. Don't know the family make-up but maybe also they are old-fashioned and prefer to contribute to daughters only and not sons?