AIBU stag do adding to debt

[Worriedmama84]

Need to know if I’m being a bit silly about this

Husband and I been together for 10 years, have 2 girls (aged 7&3) husband earns okay salary, I’ve set myself up as a part time cleaner in order to work around our girls... we ‘get by’ but like most people each month can feel like a struggle. It’s fair to say we have some mounting, yet semi manageable debt which has recently been consolidated into a 12k bank loan (this was caused by solicitors fees for moving house, broken cars, home repairs, etc) My mum is incredibly generous and tends to buy our kids things they need (uniform, new clothes, school stuff, etc) she even ‘lent’ us £1500 to get a new car recently - she won’t ask for it back.
Husband goes to the pub about once a week with friends, I go out very rarely (happily so, as I’m boring these days) and I I ever do venture out it’s with husband. We don’t go to the cinema, or spend money on holidays, etc - any ‘spare’ money is spent on the girls and stuff to do as a family.

Husbands best friend (who lives 100 miles away) is getting married next July and wants a stag do abroad.. looking at costs for hotels, flights, excursions, beer, etc, I can’t see this costing my husband any less than £600 for 3 nights. Now; it’s not the stag do that I object to, I trust my husband and would have no issue about him going if it didn’t mean the following; 1.) cost of trip would need to be covered by increasing our bank loan as we just don’t have spare money each month 2.) we didn’t have a holiday away as a family this year as husband had another (U.K. based) stag weekend that he went on 3.) no family holiday for us next year either 4.) awkwardness with my mum who financially supports us at times who will feel miffed I’d husband spends excessive amount on stag weekend (these men are all

So, I’m annoyed. And hurt that husband doesn’t see a problem... isn’t it mad to get into further debt and deny things from your family in order to go on a stag weekend?!

Meant to say that the blokes going are all 40 ish

Wtf. No no no. He saves for it himself or he doesn't go. Increasing the bank loan is a slap in the face to your mum and is a slippery slope. 12k is a huge debt to have in your situation. It's a no from me.

Of course not. He's being selfish, and disrespectful towards your struggle and your Mum for helping. Would he be happy for you to do so if his Mum was supporting him? Doubt it.

I agree with you. No way should he be getting you into more debt just for 3 days.
Yes it's his friend but his friend should understand if they're close. You've got young kids he needs to think about in this.
Of course he wants to go.. we would all like to go away for 3 days. But I would stand firm on this one.

Please no. Just don’t do this for three days of your husbands holiday.

If you can’t afford it you can’t go, it’s as simple as that.

If he wants to go he needs to work out how to save for it without further impacting his family ... give up his weekly beer sessions? X

YANBU

I don’t have much to say really - if he can’t see he’s being unreasonable then he’s being quite selfish.

Absolute no from me too. I think it’s unreasonable of him to impact further on the family debt, for a stag do. Assuming he’s aware of the financial situation, he’s being unreasonable.

I find these abroad stag do’s ridiculous tbh. Any excuse for a 3 day binge!

If he wants to save enough to pay your mum back the 1.5k then pay the £600, then he can by all means go with a clear conscience ;)

Ffs he just doesn’t have the money. It’s tough but sometimes circumstances mean you miss out
This is one of those times

Sorry OP he sounds like an irresponsible manchild.. Is he the reason for all your debt too?!

Thank you, all. Feeling less skittish about it now. Husband essentially says “what can I do? He’s my best mate and he wants to go abroad?!” Like ‘best mate’ trumps ‘father’ or ‘husband’... Grrrr

No he shouldn’t be going. Very selfish, also considering he’s been away on another stag weekend already.

That's a very good suggestion, newmumm - he must be spending a good £10/week in the pub, minimum, so if he stops that straightaway he'll have saved £120 by christmas, £240 by easter, etc; if he has a costa/Starbucks habit that could be another £15/week. If he wants to go away, he saves for it from his luxuries.

Let him pick up a part-time job to pay for it then.

He needs to not be a child and save up for it/sell stuff etc to get there if it's that important to him. Not just stamp his feet and say it's not fair whilst happily taking money from your mum and going out boozing once a week. Tell him to sort his shit out hes a grown man.

Hate these new 3 day/week long stag dos... it’s so excessive... also; if you’re just gonna get drunk, do it closer to home... I’ve said if he does this then we absolutely have to cover what my mum has lent/given us...

Great idea! And he could sell his PS4... hmmmmm

Newmumm has it tell him that. Tell him not going out between now and then will save it

And he needs to grow up he isn’t a child

He is being U.
As it's his best mate couldn't he suggest to his mate that he comes to your house one weekend and they go to the pub for a mini stag ?

If the stag is actually DH's best mate, presumably it's reciprocal & therefore he will understand the situation & either tone down the event or accept that DH can't go.

To me, those are the two options, certainly not that DH should go away for these ridiculously expensive few days.

Oh and if I was your mum I'd be bloody furious

If he wants to go he raises the money either by working more somehow or selling his stuff or a mixture of this.
It is not okay to increase your debt with this.

If he wants to go he can cut back and find the money himself. No pub trips,eBay some of his things, pick up additional work.

I'm also with you OP, I think these 3 day stag dos in European cities are a ridiculous waste of money and just another way of having a pissup where some men who want it can pay for sex away from home (obviously not all will do that but it's interesting how many of these stag dos are in places known for one night stands and prostitutes).

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Tell him to cut out the weekly pub visits, and put that towards the cost (although I think he should cut out the pub visits and use the money to repay your mum/the debt).

JFC what a selfish manchild! They're in their 40s and having a 'stag' do abroad like a bunch of 20-something lads, that's pathetic, which marriage is this, his 2nd, 3rd? Pathetic!

£12k is huge amount of debt! And having to have your ma sub you and yet he's still being a lad and going down the pub and on stag do's like a kid.

I'm be fucking ragin'.

No hols for yourselves but he goes on piss ups and racks up the debt? Fuck that.

Husband essentially says “what can I do? He’s my best mate and he wants to go abroad?!” Like ‘best mate’ trumps ‘father’ or ‘husband’... Grrrr

'What can I do?' 'You say NO. I refuse to sign on an extension to increase our huge debt so you can go on a piss up like a uni student. Grow the fuck up! You have a family now! We haven't even had a weekend away as a family and my ma is buying us stuff and you think a lad's holiday is acceptable? Is it fuck!