My friend called me ignorant, was I being unreasonable?

[hereforafuntime123]

I met my friend with the kids at soft play today for some lunch. She is my closest friend and has been for about 4/5 years, we see each other almost everyday and if we don't see each other, we at least speak on the phone daily. She's like a sister to me.

Anyways today she was telling me a story, it seemed as if the story was finished and my phone rang, it was my sister so I picked up the phone. I noticed my friend rolled her eyes at this. I literally had a two minute conversation with my sister about money she had transferred to me.

When I got off the phone, I asked my friend a question and she just continued to look away from me and not respond. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: are you just ignoring me? Haha

Friend: well you just picked up your phone when I was in the middle of speaking.

Me: I thought you were done with the story.

Friend: I wasn't and you just picked up the phone without even acknowledging it, was a bit ignorant to be honest.

Me: I'm really sorry, I honestly thought you were finished.

Friend: it's fine.

That was it dropped and the rest of the afternoon went as normal, no atmosphere or anything.

But now I've had time to think, I think my friend was a bit out of order calling me ignorant over a genuine misunderstanding. Anyone else?

Surely if you were properly listening to her you would have realised she hadn't finished her story?

Also, when you're with someone isn't it normal to say "sorry one sec" if you're going to be on the phone while sitting with someone else... especially when out together?

Lolling at those ignorant of two meanings of the word ignorant, you may want to educate yourselves by looking it up in the oxford dictionary.

I don’t think it matters how close you are to the person. When you are in conversation with someone, given them your full attention and apologise if you must take a call. I love my brother and am very close to him but it infuriates me when I phone him to discuss something and he just starts talking to his wife or kids mid sentence without an ‘excuse me a sec’ or ‘just a mo the kids are asking me something’. It so unbelievably rude. I call him out on it by saying who are you talking to or are you listening? but he still does it. Now I just say, I can hear you’re busy, call me back when you can give me your full attention.

TheWernethWife what's wrong with being on the phone whilst in a queue?! Obviously I get off while I'm packing/ talking to the cashier as I get that would be rude, but just while waiting around?

Cheshire I'm glad you end your call before its your turn. Some people don't and carry on with their conversations. A very popular shop near the office where I work has a sign saying "Obviously your call is very important so we'll carry on serving other customers until you've finished"

The use of the word 'ignorant' was e to rely correct and in context.

Words evolve - especially in English. Etymology plays a part but meaning goes way beyond that.

Ignorant can also mean lacking in good manners and lack of awareness of how to behave in an acceptable manner

So yes, you were both rude and ignorant.

Ignorant mess s:

1. Not to know something or to have very little knowledge in the sense of learning acquired.

2. To behave in a rude or crass way. Not yo know how to behave appropriately.

...to know

Ignorant means:

(Argh. Autocorrect gremlins!)

CheshireChat

... what's wrong with being on the phone whilst in a queue?! Obviously I get off while I'm packing/ talking to the cashier as I get that would be rude, but just while waiting around?

You are inflicting the banalities of your chitchat on other people - people who cannot escape because they are in a queue too.

I hate it when my DH answers his phone when we’re mid conversation. He did it a couple of nights ago and I went up to bed without him. It is rude, your friend was ok to feel that way. You could have either missed the call until a more convenient time or at least asked your friend if she minded you taking the call.

I hate it when people do it to me; or if they move on to the next topic of conversation without even acknowledging what I said. It makes me feel like a right twat, like my conversation or life isn’t even interesting or worthy of a response. Even a quick “Oh that’s interesting”; or a “hmm, really?” Isn’t hard!

I think sometimes it’s indicative of a selfish person - like they are so self involved they don’t see the point in actually listening to what the other person is saying, they’re just waiting until they’re able to talk about something related to them.

I can’t just imagine how awkward the friend felt:

“...So yes I spoke to the school and it all got sorted but it was a bit of a concern”

“Oh hi sis! No it’s fine to talk now; how are you? Blah blah blah...”

Now imagine how much better it would have been to say:

“...So yes I spoke to the school and it all got sorted but it was a bit of a concern”
“Oh yes I can imagine that would have been rubbish! Glad it’s sorted” “Ooh, hold that thought, that’s my sister, she’s calling about that bank thing, mind if I answer it?”
“No, go ahead!”
“Oh hi sis! Got to be quick because I’m out with X; is everything ok? Blah blah blah...”

I just think it was also a bit rude and immature of her to then ignore me completely when I got off the phone.

Actually, I agree. But I wonder whether you have form for this and she'd just reached the end of her rope.

Be sure, however, to let her know the next time she does something that irritate you.

There are 2 issues here,:

1. it doesn't matter how good a friend she is, it is STILL rude to answer your phone to someone else whilst in company.

(There is just no concept of good manners anymore, particularly when it comes to phones.)

2. You also clearly weren't giving your friend your whole attention or you would have been able to tell if she had actually finished her story or not. You clearly weren't paying attention so when she paused and your phone went off you answered it.

Stories have a beginning, a middle and an end so it should have been obvious to you she hadn't finished.

YABU and you need to be a better friend.

Maybe she was out of line. You now have two choices.
(1) Resent her for it.
(2) Use it as a catalyst to improve yourself and your relationship.

Maybe text her something like:
“Sorry about the way I took that phone call earlier. It’s clear I irritated you by cutting you off like that. Lesson learned - I’ll endeavour to do better. I’ve been stewing about being called ignorant, though. Hoping for a text hug to make me feel better.”

Try that and see what occurs.

I think you might be a bit too much in each others' pockets, personally and behaving like an old married couple. Just my opinion.

YABU

Whatever any dictionary says about using the word ignorant to denote rudeness, it is a middle class signifier to use the word rude for a breach of manners. Ignorance is not knowing this.

Ignorant means not having enough knowledge, understanding, or information about something.

The OP was ignorant of the etiquette around answering a phone during a conversation with someone else. I'm not sure why people are saying this usage is incorrect.

I don't even answer my phone without checking if I'm in front of my husband. It's just the polite thing to do.

I also won't answer my phone in a queue, if I think it's important I'll step out of the queue.

Basic manners are slowly disappearing with the rise of entitlement and self indulgence replacing them. It's rather sad and as herefora demonstrates there's a complete lack of awareness that it might upset people...instead focusing on why they are the offended party in this scenario.

Sounds like you weren't paying attention to what she was saying which would annoy most people. Either she reacted on this one occasion and isn't shy on saying someone is rude, or you do this more then you know- either distracted by your phone or appear inattentive and this was the last straw.

Since it was fine after, just be more mindful of what people are saying to you. Since she isn't one to bite her lip and put up, you know you have a strong relationship where you can do the same back if you need to.

Not reading the full thread is certainly ignorant...

I think you're at the stage of familiarity breeding contempt. You see and/or speak to each other multiple times every single day?! That's far more involved than many or even most people's long term friendships ime. Have a think about how you would expect to be treated at the start of a friendship, and then try extending that respect to her. You might be surprised at the improvements it yields.

Hoping for a text hug to make me feel better.”

Jesus. Really? How old are you?

You were inadvertently ignorant.
I always say excuse me for a mo.
But the fact that your friend didnt up and leave tells you she did let it go. Note to self ,dont do it again.