My friend called me ignorant, was I being unreasonable?

[hereforafuntime123]

I met my friend with the kids at soft play today for some lunch. She is my closest friend and has been for about 4/5 years, we see each other almost everyday and if we don't see each other, we at least speak on the phone daily. She's like a sister to me.

Anyways today she was telling me a story, it seemed as if the story was finished and my phone rang, it was my sister so I picked up the phone. I noticed my friend rolled her eyes at this. I literally had a two minute conversation with my sister about money she had transferred to me.

When I got off the phone, I asked my friend a question and she just continued to look away from me and not respond. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: are you just ignoring me? Haha

Friend: well you just picked up your phone when I was in the middle of speaking.

Me: I thought you were done with the story.

Friend: I wasn't and you just picked up the phone without even acknowledging it, was a bit ignorant to be honest.

Me: I'm really sorry, I honestly thought you were finished.

Friend: it's fine.

That was it dropped and the rest of the afternoon went as normal, no atmosphere or anything.

But now I've had time to think, I think my friend was a bit out of order calling me ignorant over a genuine misunderstanding. Anyone else?

I dont even think you were being that rude to be honest. A friend you see once every few weeks or if you're out for a meal or a drink, its rude to answer your phone. Someone you see every day and you're just sitting watching the kids, I dont think it's that big a deal - if you see each other all the time its inevitable you have to do some life admin while you see each other. Anyway it was a bit OTT to call you ignorant

I think you were rude, albeit unintentionally. Since there is no atmosphere I wouldn't worry too much.

I thought we were close enough friends that I didn't need to ask permission to answer my phone

Now you're being petulant as well as having been ignorant. Seriously, accept you were wrong and forget about it.

I'd have been annoyed and would have found it rude.

It isn't asking permission per se, it's checking that the other person has finished, that it's a suitable time to interupt type thing. It shows the person you are with that they are your focus.

Very rude to just answer your phone when in company, very rude indeed

Picking up you thinking you are too close for politeness; I am really close to my husband but would still ignore my phone or indicate an apology for the interruption if answering when I'm sat chatting with him. I certainly would ask if it was OK to answer if I was with my best friend.

Really you thought you knew her well enough? Nope it's basic manners, I wouldn't answer the phone when talking to my oh, mum, child without saying "sorry it's x can I just take a quick call" you're very rude and good on her for calling you out on it.

@DCOkeford - words can have more than 1 meaning. Ignorant can mean that you lack some knowledge on a certain subject. Dictionary definition also states that it can mean discourteous or rude.

You were rude. The closeness of the relationship makes no difference - even if my mum was mid-conversation with me and my phone rang, I’d say ‘sorry, just going to get this call, that ok?’

its a bit rude to take te call tbh. You should have either said to your mate "do you mind if i quickly take this call, i will be as quick as i can, if it was an important call", or to tell your sister that youd call her back, or just let it ring and call back later

Strange attitude, to think anyone is saying it’s about permission, and strange attitude that you think being close excused you from manners!

Being close friends simply means that if you very occasionally behave badly, a friend will forgive you instantly.

You were definitely rude. Even if she HAD finished speaking, you should still say “do you mind if I take this?”.

I dont think that you meant to be rude, but when you are with company it is courtesy to say something along the lines of "Oh sorry, it's X I need to take this" before answering the phone. I do this when I am out with friends, my boyfriend, my mum.

Her reaction would suggest to me that it's not the first time you've done this.

Thoroughly enjoying all the tut-tutting re misuse of ignorant.
“Deliciously meta” indeed!

It absolutely can be used to describe behaviour that’s considered thoughtless or inconsiderate, and in some parts of the uk it’s widely used in that context.

We’re not even talking about evolution of language, where a word or phrase is misused so frequently the definition is widened to accommodate it. It’s just a legitimate use of the word.

Yeah you could have at least said "just a minute I need to take this hold that thought" then at least she would know you were interested in what she was saying. I think u were rude and she called you out on it. The fact you both moved on with no atmosphere means your good enough friends to just forget it, stop over thinking it.

What is it with people totally misusing the word ignorant nowadays?

Second this ^^

I would always say to sometime I was with, "excuse me while I take this", and would deal with the call promptly after finding out if it is urgent or not, "I'm with Debbie just now, let me call you later "

Answering a call without saying anything is dismissive and rude.

Okay you're all right. I wouldn't just have picked up my phone with someone I was less comfortable with so I shouldn't have done so with my best friend, I will ignore or apologise in future.

I think ‘ignorant’ is a bit strong, but I’d have been irritated by you suddenly taking a call when I was talking.

What is it with people totally misusing the word ignorant nowadays?
I quite like this use if ignorant. Ignorant of the correct way to behave. It seems descriptive to me.

My mum used to say people were “ pig ignorant” if they were rude or boorish, and that was in the late 60s, so it’s not just a “ nowadays” thing.

No picky ups of phones when with friends. Texts are much more discreet. When the girls are out the phones are in the bags. Otherwise its the question "am i boring you? " any of my girlfriends get there phones out on a night out and theybuy a round of drinks for 6. Its our no phone rule. And guess what we talk face to face and its marvellous 🤣🤣

Its rude. Even with my best friend I say 'excuse me, I need to take this, sorry' then answer the phone. It's just basic manners

Another one here saying you were really rude. Why didn't you just say, "Sorry, I need to get this"?

It's rude. My phone is on silent in my bag when I'm with friends. Important people are on 'do not disturb bypass' so my phone will ring if it's an emergency.