My friend called me ignorant, was I being unreasonable?

[hereforafuntime123]

I met my friend with the kids at soft play today for some lunch. She is my closest friend and has been for about 4/5 years, we see each other almost everyday and if we don't see each other, we at least speak on the phone daily. She's like a sister to me.

Anyways today she was telling me a story, it seemed as if the story was finished and my phone rang, it was my sister so I picked up the phone. I noticed my friend rolled her eyes at this. I literally had a two minute conversation with my sister about money she had transferred to me.

When I got off the phone, I asked my friend a question and she just continued to look away from me and not respond. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: are you just ignoring me? Haha

Friend: well you just picked up your phone when I was in the middle of speaking.

Me: I thought you were done with the story.

Friend: I wasn't and you just picked up the phone without even acknowledging it, was a bit ignorant to be honest.

Me: I'm really sorry, I honestly thought you were finished.

Friend: it's fine.

That was it dropped and the rest of the afternoon went as normal, no atmosphere or anything.

But now I've had time to think, I think my friend was a bit out of order calling me ignorant over a genuine misunderstanding. Anyone else?

I can’t fucking stand it when people answer their phones without first saying ‘sorry, let me take this call’ or ‘sorry, give me a minite’ Or even ‘my sister’s calling, let me check what she wants’.

Instead you’re just sitting in companiable silence, or taking a breath in between sentences or even in the middle of a sentence and they’re talking ON THE PHONE to some one else.

Also hate when you’re on the phone mid convo and someone starts speaking to someone else without first saying ‘sorry, give me a sec - YES DARLING, you may come down from the table’ or ‘hang on a minute, i’ve got to the start of the queue’ etc.

My otherwise darling sister is a nuisance for this. I’m mid sentence and she’s bloody talking to the children at the same time.

Picking up the phone (to speak or text) when you are mid conversation is so bloody rude, I'm with your friend on this on OP, you should have called your sister back later

I don't think it's about degrees of friendship. I've known my best friend for forty years. If my phone rung when I was with her, I'd still apologise before I answered it if I did indeed need to answer it .

@DCOkeford as someone has already posted:

From dictionary.com

ignorant
/ˈɪɡn(ə)r(ə)nt/
Learn to pronounce
adjective
1.
lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated.
"he was told constantly that he was ignorant and stupid"
Similar:
uneducated
unknowledgeable
Opposite:
educated
knowledgeable
2.
INFORMAL
discourteous or rude
"this ignorant, pin-brained receptionist"

She was right. You were rude. Good God, where were your manners? Why on earth do people do this just because a stupid phone rings? The person/people who are physically in front are more important than those who are not. If anything is urgent, they will call back.
🙄🙄

I think she's being a bit precious tbh.

Literally everyone I know bloody answers their phone whenever it rings regardless if we're in the middle of a conversation, it's so rude I hate it.

The irony of the ignorance over the meaning of the word ignorant in this thread.

The OED and Cambridge dictionaries list a second meaning of ignorant as rude.
And it isn't a new thing.

Colloquial sense of "ill-mannered, uncouth, knowing nothing of good manners" attested by 1886.

I just think it was also a bit rude and immature of her to then ignore me completely when I got off the phone.

Two wrongs don't make a right and all that

Please, if you're going to criticise someone for using a word wrongly, just check the dictionary first? There's enough people here pointing out that ignorant has a secondary meaning of rude, with references to dictionaries, and still people are denying it can be used in this way.

You sound like a sulky teenager in your replies. Of course it’s not genuinely about asking permission, even if it’s worded like that. It’s about acknowledging that what you’re doing could be construed as rude, so that your friend doesn’t feel ignored.

This. And yes, you're right, her response was childish. Do you often pick up your phone to text etc while you're together? She could be getting annoyed with it generally? The eye rolling would indicate also that this might be the case.

I hate it SO much when people prioritise their phones over the people in front of them. On the very rare occasions when I HAVE to answer all call back quickly, I'm highly embarrassed and apologise profusely before doing so.

For her to have reacted as she did, I imagine this isn't unusual behaviour for you.

So she thinks you’re ignorant and you think she’s childish. You’re not really that close are you?!
It IS rude to answer a call without a word of apology to the person you’re supposed to be having a conversation with.

My best friend is someone I met when our first children were young. She has been my rock through the 20 years since. We have weathered family deaths, illness, job losses as well as many happy times. We can be moody or cranky with each other but if the phone rings when in her company (actuallyin anyones) I would always ALWAYS say: oh it's dh (or dc as no one else gets precedent over her) do you mind if I take this quickly. She would offer me the same courtesy. Neither of us would ever say "No!" But its acknowledging that your caller is momentarily more important than the person in front of you (which is rarely actually true) so I would check with dh or dc that it's not an emergency or answer their question quickly and then say: I'm with someone at the moment so I'll talk to you later.

That's all it takes. I would imagine from her reaction that you do this often to your friend. So I cannot blame her for being ticked off. Ring her tomorrow and say: I am so sorry for taking that call yesterday. I value your friendship and your company and didn't mean to offend you or something along those lines, good friendships are so important and she obviously means a lot to you.

Answering your phone, reading or replying to texts, checking emails or doing anything else on your phone in the company of others, is bad manners. If a friend did any of those things whilst we are having a catch up I will assume they don't actually give a shit about our conversation.

I just think it was also a bit rude and immature of her to then ignore me completely

She was just letting you know how it feels.

She didn’t call you ignorant. She said your actions were ignorant. Which is true.

do you mind if I take this

Why do people think this makes it any better? Do you really think the person with you is likely to say “actually, I do” and if they did, do you think that would make the situation less awkward?

No need to ask permission, just excuse yourself for a moment.

Very rude to just answer your phone when in company, very rude indeed

Define “company”? Sitting with my husband watching TV? Out with a group of friends all having different conversations, none of which I’m involved in? With a group of colleagues chatting at work? There are many scenarios where it is definitely not on, but a global “in company” isn’t a thing. Wherever I am, whomever i’m with, if DDs school calls, it is answered, because I’m an adult and able to decide if a call is more important than what I’m doing at the time.

OP, you should have excused yourself, but it seems your friend let it go, in which case, so should you.

Did you actually respond to your friend's story before you picked up your phone?

Because that's what infuriates me. It's saying that you weren't interested in anything she'd just been saying.

It's sad this is even a question, but it's quite normal for people to be so ignorant, these days. OP isn't on her own, nobody actually talks to the people they are with, they are always on their phones.

Did you actually respond to your friend's story before you picked up your phone?

Because that's what infuriates me. It's saying that you weren't interested in anything she'd just been saying

I don’t think she did, Nanny. In the OP she says her friend said...

“I wasn't [finished] and you just picked up the phone without even acknowledging it”

Is that what your friend meant, OP? That you didn’t even respond to what she’d just told you? See, even if it was a misunderstanding and you thought she had finished, it was very rude of you not to even acknowledge her story.

Where I come from the word ignorant is commonly used to mean rude, especially as in lacking manners (rather than, for example, outright swearing at someone). So someone barging in front of you in a queue or talking on the phone in company. It's a regional thing, DH uses it too so I imagine it's an East Mids trait.

If my brother called me I'd worry something had happened to my parents. YWBU not to apologise but not to accept the call.

Even if you weren't in the middle of a conversation - even if you are sat in silence- it is still polite to ask/say what you are doing partly because they are going to have to hear your half of the conversation or you are going to leave them-
I would ask even if sat with DP /my mother anyone - sometimes it wouldn't be asking- eg if it was a call I had to take/was waiting for - I would just say I'm really sorry but I need to take this/do you mind if I take this..? (polite answer being no of course)- I would never just answer the phone without saying something- its rude/ignorant/bad mannered