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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have children again?

186 replies

SherbetSaucer · 24/09/2019 17:52

So this isn’t a ‘do you regret having children’ thread or an ‘if you could have your time again would you still have them’ thread but I was thinking...

Hypothetically, say you knew you were guaranteed to come back again in another life after you die, knowing what you know now would you have children in that second life (you wouldn’t get the children you currently have)?

If yes why and if no what would you concentrate on instead?

AIBU to assume a lot of parents would make the decision to experience a childfree life the second time around?

OP posts:
justheretostalk · 25/09/2019 05:58

Nope. Nope nope nope.

I love my kids obviously, but I’m exhausted, mentally drained, constantly worried about their safety and well-being, and wish I was travelling.

Ruefaro · 25/09/2019 05:59

Absolutely. But never while living in the UK

Really222 · 25/09/2019 06:09

I love my children very much too. If I had children again I would really build up my career before I had them, and would make sure I picked a different father.

My ex and I are divorced and not on speaking terms, it’s hard, and our 3 dc are all teens who are quite regularly rude and unappreciative. It’s quite a lonely hard life, and I am in a low paid admin job in part due to being at home with them when they were little. And I am exhausted all the time. The problems they have are shouldered by only me - eg middle dc’s mental health needs.

At 50 I feel that all there is to look forward to is accelerated ageing and no prospects. I hope I am wrong.

Sorry to be a downer.

AJPTaylor · 25/09/2019 06:15

Head says no.
But this time round it was a heart (and hormone decision).

minesagin37 · 25/09/2019 06:25

Yes in fact we may foster now our kiddies are much older (20) (14)

PerkyPomPoms · 25/09/2019 06:27

Definitely not. And I would appreciate my child free life a lot more!

Lagatha · 25/09/2019 06:38

God no.

LellyMcKelly · 25/09/2019 06:41

Yes, and I’d be less scared of having them, and I’d have them younger. If I was wealthy enough I’d have more of them. They get very expensive when they get older, especially if they’re good at an activity and you have to start traipsing round the country so they can compete.

MidnightMystery · 25/09/2019 06:43

Yes it's the reason I'm here , yes it's hard sometimes but so bloody worth it !

NancyJoan · 25/09/2019 06:45

No. I wouldn’t. I’d travel more, get stuck in to my career, make more of myself.

Generallybewildered · 25/09/2019 06:59

Yes but probably only 1. Since the moment my son was born I’ve felt like a parental failure and I struggle with his additional needs and the fact I’ve cut down my career. I would like to say that it’s for environmental reasons but it’s not really.

BuildBuildings · 25/09/2019 07:07

I don't have children, I've chosen not to. Thinking about it the other way around I wouldn't have them if I got another life.
I'm really interested reading all of your responses.

Worrywart21 · 25/09/2019 10:45

My son is asking for a hover board. Can anyone recommend one? We want one with good battery life and one that is fairly easy to learn to use as he’s still only 8.

Toastymash · 25/09/2019 10:47

I would have even more children, and start having them much earlier on

CandiceSucksCandy · 25/09/2019 10:53

Yes, 100%
But I would have had a proper career beforehand, and I would have had more than one baby.
I wish I'd had two or three.

Laura221 · 25/09/2019 10:53

Yes but I'd have them 5 years later and only have 2 maybe? But if had to choose between no children or what I have now, I would go for what I have now. I love them totally. I dont find it particularly hard and I have good home/work balance.

Woofbloodywoof · 25/09/2019 10:58

Yes, oh yes.
I never thought I wanted them. Neither did DH. But there I was, a few weeks up the duff walking up the aisle😂
I thought I knew what love was; and then my DC were born and FUCKING HELL THERE IS NO LOVE LIKE IT.
I would give my life for them in a heartbeat and they have 100% made me a better person. Made me grow up. Made me more responsible. Made me think harder. Made me want to make them proud of them.
Yes, motherhood is hard and a challenge and in order to keep my career going I went back to work 3 weeks post partum (part time at first) but it’s a privilege to be a mother. I am so grateful every day I was lucky enough to get that chance. I know so many people who would love the same opportunity.

OccidentalPurist · 25/09/2019 11:00

Yes I would definitely have children again in another life if I came back.

I gave birth in my late 30s but wouldn't choose to have them younger as I was ready to stop putting myself first.

In fact prioritising others has strangely made me happier than I could ever have imagined.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 25/09/2019 11:02

Yes, but I would start younger and have more.

Having in children is, by a margin I can barely put in to words, the single most satisfying, joyous, meaningful thing I have ever done.

OccidentalPurist · 25/09/2019 11:03

Woofbloodywoof I agree totally (my post was a rather more formal version of what you said)!!

1300cakes · 25/09/2019 11:04

Yes, I would. I've thought before that I would love to have heaps of children but only 1 or 2 at a time. I don't want have a brood of six kids, but I'd love to have six lives where I raise 1 or 2 per life.

Sux2buthen · 25/09/2019 11:07

I'd have started younger and had a huge troop of them. They've made my life better in every single way and I hope they are as happy as I am

Zebraaa · 25/09/2019 11:11

@Woofbloodywoof calm down Hmm

Anerak · 25/09/2019 11:14

I would absolutely have children again, every time. They bring so much joy and love. And I do believe that Life is about Life: Enjoying life, sharing life, celebrating life.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 25/09/2019 11:17

No. I love the children I have now but if I had a chance of a second life that was just mine I'd take it and enjoy every minute! I'd travel, eat out, lie in, meet friends for drinks on a whim...