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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have children again?

186 replies

SherbetSaucer · 24/09/2019 17:52

So this isn’t a ‘do you regret having children’ thread or an ‘if you could have your time again would you still have them’ thread but I was thinking...

Hypothetically, say you knew you were guaranteed to come back again in another life after you die, knowing what you know now would you have children in that second life (you wouldn’t get the children you currently have)?

If yes why and if no what would you concentrate on instead?

AIBU to assume a lot of parents would make the decision to experience a childfree life the second time around?

OP posts:
ButtercupGirI · 24/09/2019 18:40

Yes, not sure i would left no.3 so late though.

QueenofmyPrinces · 24/09/2019 18:42

I adore my children but if I could have a second chance at life then I wouldn’t have kids the next time round.

fatulousatforty · 24/09/2019 18:43

I think I would adopt. Give other children a chance. Adopt older children.
Wouldn't do the baby years again.

HandsOffMyRights · 24/09/2019 18:47

No. Not if it wasn't my current children!

I love them so much, but they have changed me enormously as a person in terms of my anxiety. I live in fear of something happening to them and I'd like to experience the old brave, carefree me.

I was pressured somewhat into conforming, having never planned for kids and then I had two at once, which is when the 'fear' originated (during a twin pregnancy).

Rubyduby26 · 24/09/2019 18:48

I definitely would. DS is 17 months old and it took me over 4 years to conceive him, I've always wanted children.

It's a lot harder than I ever imagined. The sleep deprivation, worry, stress, never having a moment's peace, never being able to fully switch off, living in constant chaos. But it's still the best thing I've ever done and I would never want to live any life without the feelings of joy and happiness that being a parent has bought me.

I think for me its a biological urge, I can't explain it. I don't think it's a feeling that would disappear just because I fancied trying out a different lifestyle as its a very deep overpowering feeling, sorry I'm not explaining it very well 🙈

Bunnybaubles · 24/09/2019 18:49

I did have children again... in this life tho. My older DC are 19 and 20, loved it so much I also have a 15 month old and an 11 week old. My DP regrets it tho Grin

DimplesToadfoot · 24/09/2019 18:49

Nope, I didn't want any in the first place, I fell for the "I've had a vasectomy lies" (and many others) wham bam thank you ma'am hello child, the police acting on behalf of my kiddos dad actually stopped me having an abortion and as I had been bought up through the hell of the care system there was no way I would have given him up for history to repeat itself. Got well and truly trapped .

What I'd do differently? Become a lesbian

bananapuddles · 24/09/2019 18:50

No way!

I'd focus more on study, travel, reading, watching films, going to the theatre, basically anything else.

oreodough · 24/09/2019 18:50

No, i love them but no.
I would be selfish and enjoy my own time, without the constant mum guilt and worry.

Katex888 · 24/09/2019 18:51

I love my children but no I wouldn’t have them again. Just to experience another way of life, travel more and focus on my career. No point living the same life again and again.

Ariadnepersephonecloud · 24/09/2019 18:52

Absolutely not. I regret the ones I have in that I love them and am scared for their futures. I believe the environment is in a terrible state and getting worse, and that their lives, in the future, may be much harder than mine has ever been. As for their children, I'm hoping they don't have any!

Ariadnepersephonecloud · 24/09/2019 18:53

Oh but another poster mentioned adopting. Yes to that. Older children who are unlikely to be adopted otherwise.

Luaa · 24/09/2019 18:54

Definitely not. I don't overly like being a parent and I envy childless friends who can do what they want when they want.

Alwaysgrey · 24/09/2019 18:56

I’m not sure. I have children with Sen and it’s so far removed from raising neurotypical child. I’m not sure I’d do it again. I worry immensely about all my kids including my child without needs. The worry is huge. If I could go back I’d maybe have one child.

Baguetteaboutit · 24/09/2019 18:56

Yes. Absolutely. I wouldn't change a thing.

Mummybares · 24/09/2019 18:56

Yes

birdbrained · 24/09/2019 18:58

Possibly not I have huge existential angst about the future my children face. If the world in this new life wasn't an environmental disaster then it would be different.

ohhelloyou · 24/09/2019 18:59

No I wouldn't.
I absolutely love my children and wouldn't change them. Since having children my mental health has suffered. I am constantly worried about them and can't ever see that changing even when they are older.

itsstillgood · 24/09/2019 19:01

I would prefer to adopt than physically have children but that was what I thought this time round but it didn't play out that way. I can not imagine life without children. I far prefer company of children to adults.

ohhelloyou · 24/09/2019 19:01

@HandsOffMyRights exactly what's you said about fear of something happening to them

sweetkitty · 24/09/2019 19:02

I definitely would I adore being a mother was talking to the DC about this around the dinner table. I have four just now, in my next life I would maybe have one or two.

Beautiful3 · 24/09/2019 19:04

Yes would do it all again. It's been nice.

Verily1 · 24/09/2019 19:04

Yes but I’d be a lot more considered about who I had dcs with.

Maneandfeathers · 24/09/2019 19:05

100% yes if I could have DS.

No intention of any more though ones enough Grin

NearlyGranny · 24/09/2019 19:07

Ye, yes and yes. All three. And I might go for a fourth!

Best things that ever happened in my life, and there's been plenty of competition.