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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have children again?

186 replies

SherbetSaucer · 24/09/2019 17:52

So this isn’t a ‘do you regret having children’ thread or an ‘if you could have your time again would you still have them’ thread but I was thinking...

Hypothetically, say you knew you were guaranteed to come back again in another life after you die, knowing what you know now would you have children in that second life (you wouldn’t get the children you currently have)?

If yes why and if no what would you concentrate on instead?

AIBU to assume a lot of parents would make the decision to experience a childfree life the second time around?

OP posts:
bonitakitlee · 24/09/2019 20:19

I have not had any, it would be nice to be able to borrow one occasionally for days out, but I still think no, I couldn't cope emotionally and I hate noise. Very rarely I meet a child that is an amazing conversationalist, I met an autistic girl in a tea room who told me all her school problems and I felt so connected to her, it was a memorable experience. Her parents or carer just ignored her.

notlyndasnell · 24/09/2019 20:20

Definitely!! Loved everything about it, even giving birth. (I know ... I'm weird). And I am so proud of my (almost) grown-up boys. I had them in my 30s, always worked in a job I loved and travelled a lot. It was bloody hard work and yes, once I had them I never stopped worrying to some extent. But I would do it all again. And again. And again. As a previous poster said: best thing I ever did.

If I had to be a SAHM I would only have children in another life if I could live in a city.

Ninabean17 · 24/09/2019 20:25

I love my children, but no I wouldn't.

PicsInRed · 24/09/2019 20:28

I'd have chosen the father better.

Makes all the difference IMO.

Clammyclam · 24/09/2019 20:32

I would yes.
But I would be a SAHM next time and have 4 children and have them evenly spread, every two years.

I adore my children but my life choices meant I didn't get to spend as much time with them in their earlier years. Times flies and my regret is I didn't stay at home with them

I have a brilliant career and thats great for the life we have now, but in a next life I'd like to see what it's like on a similar but not the same path.

OkayGo · 24/09/2019 20:35

Erm . I think I would but (this sounds so awful) I would pick someone more hands on and supportive to have them with. I’d still only have one. I would also hope that I could keep my knowledge from my past life which could prevent me from developing pnd.

Msfartypants · 24/09/2019 20:49

Yes but I would have had them when I was younger. Lights and loves of my life.

Yellredder · 24/09/2019 20:54

Oh yes. I came to parenthood late, have one child, it's so much fun I'd definitely do it again and have a Handful!

Borderterrierpuppy · 24/09/2019 20:59

No, Next time I would have a completely selfish existence, loads of travelling and living in different parts of the world.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/09/2019 21:02

Not a chance!
I would study harder, go to university at 18 and study something that I really wanted to do, and have a career, preferably involving traveling and working somewhere far flung. I'd be an ecologist or marine biologist or something like that Grin

TooRightTommy · 24/09/2019 21:03

No.

dayswithaY · 24/09/2019 21:06

I love my children but I have come to the conclusion that the level of sacrifice required to be a good parent is just too much to ask of a person. So that's a no.

happycamper11 · 24/09/2019 21:07

Yes absolutely. I'd like the same ones though . They are so much more fun than adults and are great company.

Nogodsnomasters · 24/09/2019 21:10

I would yes. But I'd do a lot of other things differently if I had all the knowledge of my first life to go on.

OccamsRaiser · 24/09/2019 21:11

I love my children beyond reason (even with some of the difficulties we have had - high needs baby, ASD/ADHD diagnosis, seemingly endless issues at school around discipline)

But... having just been diagnosed with breast cancer and knowing that I would have to be very very lucky to beat the 15-year survival rate according to the NHS predict tool, I’m not sure I would do it again. The thought of not being here to see them grow up (currently 5 & 7) is breaking my heart

Misskg1982 · 24/09/2019 21:14

Most definitely do it again, but would take my time and choose a different father. One who actually was happy to give up his time and enjoy his children, as well as be happy with having more then one.

HiJenny35 · 24/09/2019 21:17

Definitely, I'd start younger and have far more. I wish I'd had loads. Love every second even the crying and sleepless nights.

Dieu · 24/09/2019 21:25

I love mine more than anything (obviously), but I wouldn't do it again, no. Being on my own with three is very hard.

Userzzzzz · 24/09/2019 21:34

Yes but assuming I had the same fertility, i’d leave it a couple more years until mid 30s instead of early 30s to save up a bit more money and get a couple more years of experience on my cv. If I didn’t know re fertility I’d do exactly the same again. There are times when my children drive me insane and I’ve been wrecked with exhaustion but I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

Glitterfisher · 24/09/2019 21:39

I would probably have more than 2 if I could do it again. Would have had them really close together though. Trouble is we couldn't really decide then the kids started becoming more independent and we left it too long.

Glitterfisher · 24/09/2019 21:40

Saying that I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have had just the one Grin

OkayGo · 24/09/2019 21:42

Flowers @OccamsRaiser

Userzzzzz · 24/09/2019 21:46

OccamsRaiser That must be so incredibly hard for you. I can’t imagine going through what you are.

Worrywart21 · 24/09/2019 21:47

Ever since I was young I always wanted to be a mum. So it was an absolute given that I would have them as soon as I could. No doubt about it.

If I came back in my next life with such wanting for a child again (which I’m sure I would as I 100% love them!!) then I would wait to have them. I would work and travel lots before them.

But I didn’t worry about that at 20 when I fell pregnant. I was just so relieved that I would experience being a mum before I died.

ooooohbetty · 24/09/2019 21:50

Yes without a doubt. And I'd be a better mother next time round.