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Original poster

My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

999 replies

Milicentbystander72 · 24/09/2019 08:25

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

OP posts:
Toorahtoorahaye · 26/09/2019 14:08

Which is it? Are these young people so mentally fragile they'll commit suicide if they're denied access to off-label drugs (in which case surely we should be ensuring they have access to in-depth, robust, meaningful psychological support to explore why they feel so uncomfortable in their own bodies, as we do with people presenting with other body dysmorphias such as anorexia)? Or is that that every child who claims to be trans absolutely knows their own mind from as young as three and this is a perfectly healthy state of affairs...in which case why do they need drugs that may leave them sterile and surgery to mutilate their healthy bodies?

And why I would rather my 15 yr old stayed clear of having a relationship with someone of the same sex who thought they should be the opposite sex - especially if my child insists they are straight. Why would I want my child to be caught up in this confusing belief system?

Toorahtoorahaye · 26/09/2019 14:14

Inthink your comment demonstrates transphobia and prejudice in a nutshell. Basically you are saying that if someone belong to a certain group then it doesn't matter how happy they are or how happy they make the daughter as they must bad because some other people in the group are bad.

And this is what I mean with your dishonesty and twisting. I never said anything about a trans child being “bad” at all - but I disagree with the strange beliefs and demands being pushed in the extreme form trans ideology being pushed - I’d rather my child stayed clear.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 14:15

Toorah - if your 15 year old knew who they were dating, were happy, who are you to be like "don't want you dating any trans people as it's a confusing belief system?"
How can you not see that in any other group it wouldn't be OK, so why is it trans are fair game on here?
Your comment is discrimination as a whole group, pure and simple.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 14:16

Sorry, that was in reply to your 14.08 post, cross posted

Anothernotherone · 26/09/2019 14:22

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis I'm pretty sure many MNers would feel uncomfortable with their 15 year old children becoming involved with confusing belief systems such as Scientology, creationism, or Mormonism...

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 14:26

Not even remotely comparable though as they're not referring to actual people and instead groups/clubs.
Trans people are actually people and I do think sometimes that gets forgotten on here.

Anothernotherone · 26/09/2019 14:28

I'm pretty sure Mormons and Scientologists and even creationists are also people...

Snidpan · 26/09/2019 14:33

you seem like a cool parent good on ya. DD just happens to be with a super cool, super-tomboy, who knows what will be, in three months time

FamilyOfAliens · 26/09/2019 14:34

you seem like a cool parent good on ya.

Good grief.

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 26/09/2019 14:46

Good, lovely, kind, compassionate people can still get sucked into a cult. That doesn't make them any less good, lovely, kind or compassionate.

Doesn't make it any less of a cult either.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 15:10

True colours always out on these threads, don't they?
Recent responses shows exactly why people don't engage or debate/discuss - when it's coming at an "all trans people are a cult" angle there's no reasoning, discussing or anything with that.

Fresta · 26/09/2019 15:14

I hate the word 'tom-boy'- it insulates that any girl who doesn't conform to a gender stereotype is less of a girl than one who does!

Anothernotherone · 26/09/2019 15:19

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis what I notice on these threads is lots of discussion speckled with posters dive bombing in to make baseless accusations - pigeon chess.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 15:33

Sorry another, forgot it's frowned upon to point out.
How do you discuss if you're coming at it from a they're all a cult angle though?
That's a genuine question as there's no reasoning with that

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 26/09/2019 15:33

Recent responses shows exactly why people don't engage or debate/discuss - when it's coming at an "all trans people are a cult" angle there's no reasoning, discussing or anything with that.

Isn't it so very convenient how many excuses there are for #nodebate? Personally, I find there's lots to discuss about the similarities between the behaviour of many prominent trans ideologues and cultists, and if I hadn't seen those similarities already - which I came to through discussion and debate - I might be interested in understanding more about why others do, even if I ultimately came to reject their premise.

Never mind though, you just keep on coming up with more excuses why you and others of your opinion refuse to discuss the issues or answer any questions and why you always seem to skip over the posts which highlight the uncomfortable truths (I notice no one has engaged with the point that research shows the incidence of suicide in individuals identifying as transgender is higher post-transition than pre-transition, for example). I admire your cognitive dissonance, at any rate.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 15:43

That's got nothing to do with what the OP asked though.
It always turns into the same thread regardless though

Anothernotherone · 26/09/2019 15:56

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis You kicked the cult theme off yourself, with your 14:15 post though Confused When you realised that you tried to pretend everyone else had diverted the discussion with a comparison which you yourself introduced.
Pigeon chess.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 16:00

Erm.. the one upthread trying to compare trans people to Scientologists would be the one, not me, FFS - sorry, are we just supposed to pretend we can't see that and let it go unchallenged/ignored?
K'ay

Anothernotherone · 26/09/2019 16:07

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis that was a direct reply to your claim at 14:15 that it wouldn't be ok to object to a child getting involved with someone from any other belief system!

You wrote your 14:15 post and I replied directly to the point you raised - about belief systems people might object to their children getting involved with!

Yet you still try to argue that you're the one being asked to pretend not to see things!

SarahTancredi · 26/09/2019 16:08

I guess it's like we have to pretend we dont see refusal to answer what the benefit to puberty blockers are, what benefit it is to ignore safeguarding and having children to be affirmed behind their parents back at school and the fact you equate not wanting children on irreversible medication as a campaign against trans people altogether.

Given we are constantly told people are who they say they are no questions and no medication or transition even necessary, I dont see how medicating children takes anything away from trans adults as all they have to do is utter three words .

Why would it be hate to not want kids on medication when all intact adults have to.do is make a statement and they are whatever they say they are.

woodchuck99 · 26/09/2019 16:09

That's got nothing to do with what the OP asked though.
It always turns into the same thread regardless though

Yes, and if you haven't got time or the inclination to argue for hours about things which are irrelevant to the OP you will be told that you are "shutting down debate". These threads always end up with certain posters just agreeing with themselves while everyone else decides there is no point trying to reason with them.

woodchuck99 · 26/09/2019 16:09

That's got nothing to do with what the OP asked though.
It always turns into the same thread regardless though

Yes, and if you haven't got time or the inclination to argue for hours about things which are irrelevant to the OP you will be told that you are "shutting down debate". These threads always end up with certain posters just agreeing with themselves while everyone else decides there is no point trying to reason with them.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 26/09/2019 16:16

These threads always end up with certain posters just agreeing with themselves while everyone else decides there is no point trying to reason with them

This quite obviously goes both ways

woodchuck99 · 26/09/2019 16:20

This quite obviously goes both ways

It really doesn't go the other way.

woodchuck99 · 26/09/2019 16:21

I meant it always goes one way.

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