Wifework at work

[fishladder]

Named changed for this but frequent poster.

I am a manager of a large department at work of 15 people. I have a large workload and a lot of responsibilities and I also seem to take it upon myself to do what some might called wifework for the department.

For example, recently a member of the team had a baby. I organised a collection, bought present and card, wrapped present, organised for card to be sent round and signed by everyone and chased up people who needed to sign it, and now am arranging to drop the present off at the persons house and I'm really going to struggle to fit this in. (I work ft and have 2 dcs of primary school age).

Another example- for the last 4 years since I have been there I have organised the Christmas night out. Identified date and venue, collected deposit, paid deposit, collated all menu choices.

I know these things don't seem like massive jobs but they do take time and it always falls to me to do it. It's a thankless task, especially the night out as I can't please everyone and people complain about the Price or the food etc.

The irony is I'd never do that kind of thing at home- dh knows it's his responsibility to remember his mums bday etc. So am I being a martyr at work? Should I delegate?? Ask for volunteers?? Or just stop doing it??

christinarosetti19

They simply don't do it, aren't expected to and invariably a woman steps in, which no-one bats an eye lid at because it's how things have always been done.

This. With bells on.

The more I think about this the more I think its something that the women's movement ought to deal with proactively instead of just saying "oh delegate down".

Its not a huge thing in the scheme of things but its another small part of the way the infrastructure of work subconsciously benefits men. And we bloody well ought to chip away at it.

Instead of having senior women washing their hands of this stuff and leaving it to the admin team why can't senior blokes step up.

At my old gaff there was one very macho bloke who was really good at organising social stuff as long as it was blokey enough (corporate hospitality to football etc). If you'd asked him to organise a birthday cake or have flowers sent to someone he would have done it brilliantly if it had occurred to him that it was his job.

Why the fuck can't we just get into the habit of making it their jobs?

Delegate

It's called wife work because it is sexist, because women are much more likely to be expected to do these tasks, and if they're not done, women are much more likely to be criticised for not doing them than men will be.

dont-lead-to-promotions

Just don't do it. I work in a male-dominated workplace. Collections for birthdays etc rarely happen. (Alo, the most recent version of the Code of Conduct is definitely not encouraging of soliciting for money in the workplace.) Local manager will usually organise Christmas lunch, but then they get a small contribution from the company for it (I think it's something like $20 per head, or local equivalent.)
I do sometimes suggest a pub lunch on a sunny Friday, but that's as much organisation as, "who wants to go to the pub for lunch? Right, 6 of us, who''s driving?"

Personally I find collections at work annoying and staff organised nights out the same.. You insisting on doing all this would annoy me.

My husband recently organised the card and gift for someone in his team who just had a baby. He also gives them all cards and a bottle of something at Christmas. He delegates the organising of the Xmas lunch but pays for the wine during the meal.

If the link isn'the working, it's an HR article dated 16 July 2018, by Linda Babcock, Maria P Recalde & Lise Vesterlund on Why Women Volunteer for Tasks That Don't Lead to Promotions.

The more I think about this the more I think its something that the women's movement ought to deal with proactively instead of just saying "oh delegate down".

Agreed. And in my opinion the best start is for mothers to start teaching their sons do these things like they teach their daughters. I am always astounded when I see the what is called here a martyrdom of women. Just doing it all. And then we have threads about 20 year olds not being able to be independent and lock up or adult man not knowing how to use washing machine. How would they know though if no one taught them? This didn't exist in my house. My brother and I were taught equally. From 14-15 we were sorting our own birthday parties with friends, helped with the family one, sorted our IDs by ourselves and much more. We knew that if we really need help our parents will help, but first we had to try our best. Both of us were equally taught DIY, cooking, had parts in cleaning. We were both perfectly independent at 19 and managed to easily sort out independent living.
And there was no google when I was 15😁 Well. Maybe was, but not where I was...

I don't think most men are really bothered about whether they get a birthday card, or if there's a collection for them when they leave or get married etc. Women generally seemed more bothered about these things, so perhaps that is why it more often occurs to women to sort them out.

Having said that, I can think of a few male managers at my workplace who have organised cards and collections, so it does happen.

Short version: teach your children to be as you would your partner to be no matter what gender. It then shows in their work life too.

*as you would want your to be ...

I am so happy that it is not exclusively the women in our organisation that do this. Male managers do too and all start organise the whip rounds. We also have male junior staff too which helps.

I ma now trying to stop clearing dirty mugs from the meeting rooms when I leave.

Delegate.

These are tasks done by admin staff, at every workplace I've been in.

You do not have time to chase people up about stuff like this.

This to me is because your manager. Simple as that

Manager rule number 1

Only do what only you can do.

You need to learn to delegate more.

I've never worked anywhere that does birthday cards, but then I'm in quite a male dominated industry - isn't is all a hassle ?

Just stop doing it.
Also do people have to pay for the Christmas do ? That's really tight of your company if so.

Should I delegate

The answer here is obviously yes. If you are the one keeping in eye on these and making them happen, it's only fair that you don't have to do any of it.

If you can't find anyone to delegate to, it doesn't happen. But I bet you could sweet talk the birds out of the trees ....

Delegate it

Our office manager does this not the department manager

Delegate

This has really made me think.
Our work Christmas parties are always organised by women too. And birthdays. And baby gifts. And everything else.

I don’t organise many social things as it feels more of a pressure to attend if it’s the boss setting it up. Plus we get a wider variety if different people make arrangements.
Collections are usually set up by the staff members ‘work buddy’.
I send cards to each person for birthdays etc and send flowers that I pay for if anyone is bereaved or seriously unwell. I send on behalf of the team to avoid another collection.

Don’t do it then OP

I used to be the birthday card and present organiser in my workplace (not a manager). It was hassle asking for money.

I let it drift when I realised no one was organising anything for me. I know you don’t give to receive, but I concluded that either no one was bothered, or were happy letting someone else organise it, rather than themselves.

No, don’t do it, and it’s definitely wife work. I work in a mainly male environment and no one organises these things, works nights out are Only ever impromptu, and we don’t bother with birthday cards / presents. I also make sure I don’t fall into the trap of bringing cakes / food and offering drinks as again this could be seen as wife work and none of the blokes do it. Perception is important.

Delegate. This is team secretary stuff.

And do less. Don’t drop off a present - just organise a delivery with a note from the whole team. No need for everyone to sign the card.

Leaving cards here are organised by women.

Birthday cards - women.

Someone is ill - women.

Christmas parties - women.

Have never seen a man organise anything like this at work.

Are women more thoughtful? More organised? They seem to be.