Wifework at work

[fishladder]

Named changed for this but frequent poster.

I am a manager of a large department at work of 15 people. I have a large workload and a lot of responsibilities and I also seem to take it upon myself to do what some might called wifework for the department.

For example, recently a member of the team had a baby. I organised a collection, bought present and card, wrapped present, organised for card to be sent round and signed by everyone and chased up people who needed to sign it, and now am arranging to drop the present off at the persons house and I'm really going to struggle to fit this in. (I work ft and have 2 dcs of primary school age).

Another example- for the last 4 years since I have been there I have organised the Christmas night out. Identified date and venue, collected deposit, paid deposit, collated all menu choices.

I know these things don't seem like massive jobs but they do take time and it always falls to me to do it. It's a thankless task, especially the night out as I can't please everyone and people complain about the Price or the food etc.

The irony is I'd never do that kind of thing at home- dh knows it's his responsibility to remember his mums bday etc. So am I being a martyr at work? Should I delegate?? Ask for volunteers?? Or just stop doing it??

[EL8888]

I’m a fan of people taking turn to do shit jobs. By the sounds of it then it’s someone else’s turn. I would delegate gift buying, Christmas do organising to someone else

[BarbaraFromOopNorth]

1. 15 people is not a large department.
   
2. Managers delegate.

[fishladder]

A female manager decides certain work needs doing, decides she should do it, gets annoyed at having to do it, but for some mysterious reason it's not herself she is annoyed with.

I am annoyed with myself!! I though that was obvious. I'm annoyed at myself that I've allowed myself to become the default person for this kind of thing. I'm also a bit annoyed at the others for being unappreciative.

[whocanbebothered]

I do this at my work. I am the only female in a team of 15, all on an equal level. If I didn't organise the baby gifts and Xmas do's then they wouldn't happen because men just don't think about such things. It's nice to give gifts to employees who have babies (its a rare thing so not exactly a burden for me) and I want my Xmas night out (fully funded by company :) ) so I am more than happy to arrange it!

I do not however, under any circumstances do anything else for them outside my normal role i.e. I don't empty the dishwasher, I don't clean the 8000 spoons left in the sink each day, I don't fetch the milk delivery - I'm not their mum!

[DiscontinuedModelHusband]

I've organised our last 3 Christmas parties!

Not because I'm a manager (I manage one of 4 or 5 teams that participate, with at least 4 managers attending that are more senior than me), but because each time we ask for volunteers, and no fucker steps forward. So the choice is, I do it or we don't do anything. I'd rather do something, as we all enjoy it when we attend.

I'd say the potential attendees are about 50/50 male and female, so it's not just the other males shirking the responsibility.

As for cards/presents/flowers/secret santa, we have had 2 people typically manage this (both women, actually), but they both enjoy it. Neither are managers.

As PPs have said, open it up for volunteers. Maybe have a year where you don't do anything, to show people they'll have to step up if they want something.

[LolaSmiles]

petty
Or
In some places collections, baby gifts, Christmas dos are a series of nice extras but they aren't an essential part of going to work.
Female manager has decided they are nice extras but complains she is doing all the wifework and expects her team to have read her mind to realise she doesn't have time to do this optional self-imposed work.

Many other posters point out that whilst they are nice optional extras, they're not required, and if the team like them then there's no reason why they can't be shared across the team.

[PettyContractor]

My thread summary.

A female manager decides certain work needs doing, decides she should do it, gets annoyed at having to do it, but for some mysterious reason it's not herself she is annoyed with.

A load of presumably female commentators point out that most male managers don't do such work, nor cause it to be done, but instead of drawing the obvious conclusion that it's because they don't think it needs doing, they conclude these managers are shit people/managers for not doing what a random collection of woman seem to regard as an important task.

[BadLad]

Should I delegate?? Ask for volunteers?? Or just stop doing it??

The collections - just stop doing them. Your team would probably prefer that. If they're moaning about the price and food at the Christmas do, they might not be arsed about that either.

[NorthEndGal]

Is there a reason you chose not to delegate?
Or a good reason you won't now?

[lottiegarbanzo]

So you, as manager, decide it's an important thing to do, then delegate the doing of it. Simple.

There has always been an obvious office manager or team admin to take on this sort of thing where I've worked. Usually the person who had access to everyone's HR details, so birth dates, anyway and kept a drawer full of cards. We only ever did collections for babies and people leaving. If no admin, pick a junior person. They can take turns with the Christmas do.

[IAmALazyArse]

we definitely have to pay for our own Xmas do!

That's different then. Our managers used to do it because companies paid for food or some drinks so they had to stick to the budget. And there was no admin person.

[HotChoc10]

I hate office collections, no adult needs a birthday present from their colleagues - so YABU for asking for money from your staff for that. If it's important for morale or motivation or whatever, the company can pay.

In my office, line managers will organise cards for their direct reports and team managers will get a volunteer each to work together to do the Christmas party.

[Cookit]

I think some of this is because you’re the manager.

At my work out manager always chose one of the junior people and tasked them with organising the Christmas do. Just delegate.

[m0therofdragons]

That's a managers' role although you can delegate. Dh bought his employee a leaving gift but he delegated the team Christmas meal. I was planning to organise my team member's maternity leave gift but a PA in my office asked if I'd like her to so that was helpful, otherwise of course I'd have done it. It's not wife work as you're getting paid - managing staff is part of the role

[Settlersofcatan]

I manage a team. I do notice that women in my team are a lot more likely to volunteer to do this sort of thing. So I don't ask for volunteers, I ask specific people in my team and I try to ask men preferentially because it evens things out.

[lightlypoached]

I have one word for you: delegation.

[VeThings]

Ah, it’s a thankless task to arrange a Christmas do people have to pay for it themselves. Really hard to please everyone and someone will resent the per head price, the venue or menu.

I’d ask for volunteers IF anyone wants to arrange - otherwise not happening. Or just say let’s go to this pub after work in whatever date, no organisation required.

Are you picking up other bits of admin without realising? Eg making notes at meetings? I’ve always made sure note taking is shared equally round the team including the men. Have noticed other depts fall into the trap of giving the same women this task, so have always been determined that I’m not the note-taker simply because I’m female.

[Divebar]

Absolutely- public sector here too. I’ve definitely seen people leave a particular team and it not be acknowledged in any way because (I assume) the team is all male and no ones thought to have a collection or even take them out for a beer. And yes to paying for your own Christmas do.

[fishladder]

It's fascinating how there is little consensus on this.

I should say it's a public sector organisation, there is no admin person in the department and we definitely have to pay for our own Xmas do!

[Notajogger]

Everywhere I've worked it has usually been an admin person who has taken on these jobs. That, or someone who is close to the person who is leaving etc will volunteer.
Definitely ask for volunteers and if none forthcoming, delegate to junior/admin.

[mrbob]

Those who are saying they make a point of not clearing dirty mugs after a meeting, doesn't a (female) cleaner then end up doing it?

Why does the cleaner have to be female?! We have a 50:50 split. If people didn't clear up after themselves I would tell them to fucking do it at the time, not stop cleaning up after myself

[mrbob]

Are women more thoughtful? More organised? They seem to be

Or is it just that some women at work seem to think cards and presents are necessary where the majority of men at work in no way expect them or care? Maybe sometimes people put pressure on themselves to do something that is actually not required...

Christmas party- either embrace the planning and enjoy if it is your sort of thing otherwise delegate it!

Some of this is the expectation of wifework but a significant portion of it is self inflicted

Ps am not a Mr despite my username

[PrettyPurse]

I'm not senior at work and l have got into the habit of sorting out all this stuff too..

But... after the complete hassle of the last card l arranged, l have said I'm not being the default person anymore and others can do it. I made it clear that that will probably mean that no one will get anything again if others don't volunteer to do it.

I feel guilty though already that someone who is perfectly nice will miss out on a gift through no fault of their own except that their colleagues don't think to do anything....

But ..l have to stay strong!! Because as soon as l give in again no one will bother.

[CrumpetyTea]

Shouldn't the admin/exec assistant/team assistant do it- its basically team admin?
Xmas party is a lot of work

[meccacos2]

wife work is a terrible name.

These are the shit admin jobs that you don’t want to do - then don’t do them.

I only do them when I want to brown nose and look like I’m more organised/productive than I am.