Wifework at work

[fishladder]

Named changed for this but frequent poster.

I am a manager of a large department at work of 15 people. I have a large workload and a lot of responsibilities and I also seem to take it upon myself to do what some might called wifework for the department.

For example, recently a member of the team had a baby. I organised a collection, bought present and card, wrapped present, organised for card to be sent round and signed by everyone and chased up people who needed to sign it, and now am arranging to drop the present off at the persons house and I'm really going to struggle to fit this in. (I work ft and have 2 dcs of primary school age).

Another example- for the last 4 years since I have been there I have organised the Christmas night out. Identified date and venue, collected deposit, paid deposit, collated all menu choices.

I know these things don't seem like massive jobs but they do take time and it always falls to me to do it. It's a thankless task, especially the night out as I can't please everyone and people complain about the Price or the food etc.

The irony is I'd never do that kind of thing at home- dh knows it's his responsibility to remember his mums bday etc. So am I being a martyr at work? Should I delegate?? Ask for volunteers?? Or just stop doing it??

Stop doing it. That’s the problem with a lot of this “mental load” claptrap your generation is going on about nowadays. It’s stuff you youngsters moan about but won’t give up as you want to do it

You’re the boss.
So delegate!!

Delegate. Send an email around now asking if anyone wishes to take on the task of organising the Xmas party. If nobody volunteers then it simply doesn't happen. As for the cards/gifts for new babies, I'd do that as I assume it's not a frequent event - however I'd keep it simple and just get a voucher for mothercare or similar, which could then be posted.

The baby gift thing is part of your role as a manager to organise to make that member of staff feel appreciated and valued.

Not in my world it isn't.
I've worked in several different places over the last 38 years and I've never worked anywhere where this is part of a Manager's job. It has always been a volunteer from the team. I've mostly worked in the public sector and never in a place where admin have any capacity to take this on, but there's always someone in every team who has been willing to organise the Christmas 'do' or to send birthday cards (in those teams that send them), or organise the collections for one off presents, but it has never been the manager, in ANY place I've worked.

managedmis this is the point: male managers don't do it (almost never). But I routinely see very senior female managers do it. At my former company the female CEO was constantly doing things like this.

Question is: is it something that all senior managers should always delegate down? not necessarily because I think its good for team morale to feel that seniors have an emotional investment in their careers and lives. But it certainly shouldn't always fall to a senior woman.

Hence my suggestion that companies should make it part of senior men's roles to do things like this.

I used to do this but in my new job I’ve actively avoided. In mitigation I’m the first in with a generous donation, which actually costs “less” than the time I used to put in.

I think OP - you've fallen into the female trap of thinking that while you need these thankless tasks done, the solution is for you to do them.

Mkae it someone else's job. Your job is to ask them, then step back and let it happen.

Ask someone else to take on sorting the Christmas do.

For collections etc, it's down to you to think about it, but then ask someone else to sort it. Offer to let a junior staff member to leave early to drop off a gift.

Identify these extras, get rid of them from your 'to do' list.

I think it's more because you are a manager than because you are a woman. Why don't you at the next team meeting ask if there are any volunteers who would be willing to organise the Christmas party etc? I bet if you let them do it in work time they will jump at the opportunity.

Do any male managers do this?

@thepeopleversuswork agree with everything you've said there

I am a people manager and i'm torn - it does help morale and i feel like people perceive the people who do it as 'good' managers.
But on the other hand it feels very much like wifework and it irritates me beyond belief that I have to do stuff like this to be considered a 'good manager who cares' - i show i care by fighting my teams corner and making sure they are supported properly and fixing their problems - thats what I need from a manager, thats how i feel appreciated and valued, not birthday cards.
We have one male manager and he is good at his job, but when he does this stuff he gets praised endlessly by the team members, but when any of the female managers (who again, are good at their jobs) organise anything people always find 20 things to complain about and are not afraid to voice it.

Why aren't you delegating this?

Now be honest all of you talking about wife work. How many of you make your sons to do these things at home? Organise x, take care of y?
They have to learn somewhere...

I have to say that I had one absolutely amazing male manager who was great in organising everything. Apparently his family really pushed them for independence and sorting their own stuff since kids were able to. Same in my family and my brother is the same like the said manager.

wifework

wtf is that. Most places I worked management sorted out xmas party and supervisor level did collections and buying presents.
Perhaps staff don't want to challenge you for the role.

Same way like girls should learn delegating. 😁

@reginafelangee rtft and the term and its origins are explained

I think it depends on your workplace and the culture there. In my workplace, the managers don't do any of this at all. They're not involved at all in collections or in organising the Xmas do, all they do is help share emails to spread messages about things and they may personally contribute to collections/sign cards etc but that's it. There are 3 teams of about 10 people each where I work, each has a manager, and then two 'higher' managers above them. None of the management take any real role in this kind of thing, male or female - 2 of the 3 team leaders are women and one of the two senior managers is a woman.

But it's not my actual work?

It's not anyone's actual work is it?

As for the "do the male managers do it?" question. Of course not. But then they generally couldn't give a toss if no one [at work] does it for them either.

DH would delegate this to a male team member to make the point that it shouldn't be wifework.

I’ve never had a manager arrange maternity gifts etc. It’s nice that you do it for team morale etc, but it sounds like it’s not appreciated?

If you can afford to, send a bunch of flowers next time. Not much admin required. If you can’t afford to do it out of your money, send a card instead. Other people can arrange gifts etc for their team mates if they want to.

For Christmas. If company is paying for it, delegate to someone in your team. If the team have to contribute, ask for volunteers to arrange it instead.

Just stop doing it. If I want to do extra stuff, fine. If not, I don't. I don't find it hard to say no, it doesn't always go down well, but hey ho...

You're the manager. Delegate these jobs to someone else FGS! Your time is worth more than this.

One of the key issues is that the vast majority of male managers NEVER have to 'delegate' this work. They don't even know it exists.

They simply don't do it, aren't expected to and invariably a woman steps in, which no-one bats an eye lid at because it's how things have always been done.

I'm a manager and I don't do any of this. The team will generally organise something off their own initiative and, if not, I ask for volunteers. Our Christmas do is always a bit shit because it's left till the last minute though!

My male manager does none of these things. Instead a female on the team does it, sporadically, only for the people she wants to brown nose, when she fancies, and makes a fuss out of it. My manager turns a blind eye. That's shitty management on his part. Our team is pretty dysfunctional. My skin is about a mile thick by this point!

I guess my opinion is that these sorts of things ARE part of management, whether you like it or not. It makes for good team morale if done well. If done badly then obviously it can make things much worse! Which is why some managers stay away from it, they're afraid of the potential fallout and drama. I think a good manager does get birthday cards for their staff as a minimum. The gifts thing is irritating, it's not on to ask for money at work and I hate that it's a norm. But a card is a lovely gesture.

My husband is a manager and he regards these things as his job - part of keeping the team motivated. He may be unusual though.

If you resent doing it, find someone else to do it. Or just stop doing it so well, which will force others to make an effort.

When I was working in an office I was lumbered (as the most junior at the time) with organising the department Christmas party. I am rubbish at these things (not being the most sociable of people), so I booked a private room in a nearby pub, got some nibbles organised, put the rest of the budget behind the bar, and stuck a festive CD on the music machine in the corner. Some people complained it wasn't special enough, others enjoyed the informal nature of it.

Next year I was still the most junior so was dumped with it again.... So I organised EXACTLY the same party (even down to the same CD if I remember correctly). They never asked me to do it again, but if they had, they would have known what to expect.