Was I wrong to ask for Costa points?

[Alldaygraze]

I was in the queue in Costa yesterday and the person in front of me ordered a lot of things for about 6 people, it came to around £40. The man serving asked if she had a points card/app and she said no. I couldn’t help myself doing this and have never done this before!!!
I asked “would you mind if I used my Costa card for your transaction as it’s a lot of points?” She looked at me like I’d asked for her firstborn, then looked at the barista open mouthed and then at her purse carrying on paying.

I said “Sorry I shouldn’t have asked I do apologise if I’ve annoyed you” and she just did a weird passive aggressive smile, raised her eyebrows and shook her head. It’s actually really hard to describe what she did without her saying any words but I got the impression she was very taken aback, embarrassed and offended.

She went to her table with her family or whoever they were and I ordered my drink and walked out. No one said anything but on the way out I passed their table and her and (I presume) I DH stared at me with daggers.

Ok help- I feel awful now and not sure if this is just not the done thing but like I said it was spontaneous and I didn’t want those points to go to ‘waste’ if you know what I mean? Prepared to get my arse handed to me!

I think you're a cheeky fuck and would have said so. Grabby and cheap.

Wouldn't have bothered me at all. She sounds weird.

From her reaction it sounds like she was on some kind of mini power-trip.

I would've been happy to give you my points OP. I don't have that many loyalty cards as I cba to sign up & carry them all around, but I don't like to think of something going to waste if somebody else can use it.

I dont have any loyalty cards and to be honest I have never actually thought about offering it to some one else.
So someone would need to request it before I offered it and if they did , I don't think I would mind giving it to them. I mean how does it effect her one way or the other , so why not be nice about it.

I think it is fine to offer/be offered, but a little bit rude to ask. Unless it is your sister, best friend or next-door neighbour in the queue in front of you!

Points can have some intrinsic value if they accumulate. Haven't Airmiles been a bone of contention in some divorces?

It's a bit like asking everyone you know to put their Christmas present shopping through your Amazon affiliate link.

Anyone thinking it’s cheeky, have a word with yourself. Why do you care even an iota?

Because it's rude to ask for something that's not yours from a total stranger. Of course, CFers can never see their own grabbiness, always think it's just fine to be rude and tacky as long as it serves their own needs first.

You seem charming and self-reflective, and what I'm about to say isn't at all a reflection of that.

I'd imagine that she felt like her transaction was being watched. I know that sounds enormously stupid, as she was in public, but we all do pretend that we're not in line together but in fact doing a series of private, individual transactions. If someone looked at my groceries and said, 'look's like someone's having a party', I'd feel weird, even if I were very clearly shopping for a party. It just feels intrusive. My guess is that she felt like you were eavesdropping or even judging (wow! what a lot of money that woman is spending!) and was startled.

Again, I don't think you're an ass--you sound like a delight. And she could have reacted better. But I do think it crossed one of those invisible social lines, even unthinkingly.

Wouldn't have bothered me. I'd have done the same!!

Shy bairns get nowt!

I wouldn’t have cared Op I’d of happily given them to you. She’s not collecting them so why can’t you have them? I work in retail too

So you wanted to get free stuff from a company because someone else (you don’t even know) spent money? I don’t understand. The points are a reward for customer loyalty.

It's a bit desperate

Thanks so much for the replies.

@Nancydrawn I think you may have possibly nailed it! This is what I’ve put it down to as well, she felt like I’d been listening in and waiting for an opportunity to pounce and it felt too intrusive. I’ve definitely reflected and realised that it’s totally one of those things that you just don’t ask for but hope someone offers Thanks for your kind words about me, it’s nice to know you and a lot of others don’t think I’m grabby! However I’m aware some people do and take that on board totally.

Someone earlier said maybe her and her family had been to a funeral, I did wonder something along these lines and you can never judge by appearances but they were all fairly casual and it was after school time, there were some kids in uniform and other adults casually dressed. But maybe she was just having a bad day and I tipped her over the edge.

@timshelthechoice even though I’ve said a few times I’m well aware that I may have come across as a CF, said I didn’t expect her to say yes and that I’d felt bad since? Not all CF actions come from a selfish nasty person, I misjudged it and regret it and won’t ever do it again.

@alphaSox yes the points are for loyalty technically, however if the person who spent the money doesn’t collect them they just go to waste. I chanced my luck because it was 40 quids worth of points, whatever that would have translated as on my card, and I was polite in my asking so didn’t expect her to act so strangely.

It's a bit grabby but also thrifty and I'd have been surprised if you asked. I would have given you the points, given a small smile and moved away

@Alldaygraze For what little it's worth, your conduct on this thread and responses to all manner of bizarre accusations actually make me think you are a good egg! Had it been me I would have most definitely given you my points. You didn't do anything wrong and you sound a very good egg as I said!

It wouldn't have bothered me. I've often let someone in the queue use their card when I've shopped in Iceland.

I agree you shouldn't feel guilty op. Her reaction was over the top.

I think it was fine. I don't see how it is grabby, I definitely don't see how it's cheap. She wouldn't have lost anything giving them to you. Her reaction was weird.

I'd be equal parts shocked by the forwardness and envious of the confidence. I think I'd feel obliged to say yes but then, when I realised someone else wanted them so much, regret not collecting the points myself. So like this:

Yes very weird IMO, I'd have been equally gobsmacked!
It's like overhearing me saying 'no cucumber please' and piping up 'I'll have your cucumber if you don't want it!'

'I'll have your cucumber if you don't want it!'

I've been known to stalk people in the m+s q when I have a 5 pounds off voucher and not using. Hate waste lol. People have been thrilled with my actions lol so basically yanbu 😀

Wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. Ironically, if she thinks you were rude or odd to ask, her behaviour in response is ruder and odder. So not sure why she acts like she has the high ground in this scenario.

I'll have your cucumber if you don't want it!'

Wahey

I think the prices Costa charge is grabby. Get the points whilst you can OP, it would have made my day to help someone by doing absolutely nothing