Childminders at soft play

[namechanged121]

went to soft play with DC (1&3) don't normally go on a monday and there was maybe 8 child minders that show up, clearly all meet there on this day as they all knew each other...

At first I thought aw how lovely lots of DC same ages as mine for DC to play with but NO the child minders were all to busy chatting and drinking coffee! Children as young as 18 months running round the 3+ area getting stuck! Most of them were crying and being ignored...

Then my DC3 gets into a push along car and a little girl goes over and starts trying to rag her out of the car whilst another little boy is trying to push it backwards so I went over told the little boy to stop pushing it and said to the little girl please don't pull on (DC name) clothes thats not very nice! She totally ignored me and carried on!! Nobody came over so I gently took the girls hands of my DD and said NO! (The little girl looked around 3-4)

As I went to get my DC out of the car one of the women came over shouting why are you touching my DC... I was kind of for a few seconds then just said I asked your little girl not to pull on my child and she ignored me your clearly a child minder and instead of sitting on your ass talking you should watch your kids !! Then to top it of another one of her DC bites another DC whilst shes to busy having a go at me, I couldn't believe it!

Was I being unreasonable to have taken the little girls hands of my DC after asking nicely and being ignored ?! I can't get the look of DC's face out of my head, Iv always taught them to share and be kind at soft play so when stuff like this happens she looks to me for help

mates round to tie you to a lamppost and tar and feather you. Ah softplay

I knew you were here, NI, just from that comment. 🤣

@Teddybear45 my DC doesn't start school for another 2 years actually so get the facts right, I moved the little girls hands away there was no grabbing of any kind, your clearly just stupid or like everyone else says a thug!

To be fair it's not just some childminders - we get tons of useless parents and grandparents at the tourist attraction where l work, we've started a list of the really spectacularly crap ones!

In defence of childminders....... Some of them have kids all day from 8am till 6pm. For many an hour or two at soft play or toddler group is the only adult interaction they have all day and the nearest they get to a lunch break. Even then they are still 'on Duty'

So in my book a coffee and a chat with their friends is fine - as long as the children are safe and happy.

I'm not a childminder btw

As a childminding assistant, I feel like all childminders get tarred with the same brush and these threads turn into childminder bashing! Although the same can’t be said for nurseries. In my experience of a few nurseries, there is no way I’d send my child to a nursery over a childminder in this area. We go fruit picking then use the fruit to bake with, we did planting today, conker painting tomorrow, we go to the park everyday along with other outings weekly. We follow the same eyfs as nurseries, yet I find we provide way more activities for the children than the nurseries round here. Whenever we’ve been at softplay, the childminded children are the ones playing nicely, whilst the other children hurt others whilst the parents are sat chatting. So to everyone judging childminders by this post, please don’t write childminders off, go and see your local childminders and nurseries then make a decision from that, not from a thread like this.

Op, you were not BU by removing the child’s hand, perhaps the child told the childminder a different story and that’s why she overreacted but she was BU not watching the children!

Are you a Doberman Pinsher?

@MarmotMorning I think as long as they are sitting and chatting whilst WATCHING the kids then thats fine, but when another CM or parent has to bring a DC under your care to you because it has taken a bite out of their child's face then you clearly aren't watching enough!

My DH took DC into soft play the other week he was playing in the big bit with them and a boy 5-6 years old asked him if he knows karate kicked him in the genitals and jumped on his back 🤦🏻‍♀️ some parents must beat there kids at home and tell them its normal to do it to others!

Your 3 yo child doesn’t need your help against another 3 yo.

Is that a fact?
OP's 3 year old was playing nicely. The other 3 year old was pulling at her, & refusing to stop. Any decent parent would intervene at that stage.

if you grabbed my child like the OP did I’d grab your throats

Do many people watch Jeremy Kyle and think 'ah, parenting advice'?

should I teach my DC to hit back!?

That depends, would you be happy with a daughter like teddybear?

My DH took DC into soft play the other week he was playing in the big bit with them and a boy 5-6 years old asked him if he knows karate kicked him in the genitals and jumped on his back 🤦🏻‍♀️ some parents must beat there kids at home and tell them its normal to do it to others!

I'd presume that was down to kids sometimes being unpredictable little savages, to be honest. My 5yo asked DH to wrestle with him yesterday while DH was lying on the bed and, before DH could say yes or no, DS leapt on top of him while crying "yaaaaaah!" and managed to land knees first on DH's crotch. He isn't beaten at home and doesn't watch wrestling or fighting on TV.

her child is 3, not 18 months old, that is old enough for them to manage the situation
Clearly not, as the other child was attempting to pull her out of the car. And are you seriously maintaining that 3 year old are able to "manage" awkward social dilemmas?!

if you grabbed my child like the OP did I’d grab your throat.
You are really determined to put your own spin on this, aren't you @Teddybear45?
There was no "grabbing". OP spoke to the child, who refused to comply, so she gently removed the child's hands from her DD.

I've never understood people like @Teddybear45's viewpoints on parenting at soft place or similar places. You go in, sit down, the kids run wild, you enjoy a coffee, you pack up and go home? That might be fair enough if your kids are older (6 or so), when you've taught them manners and can trust that they'll be polite, gentle and kind to other children. But for kids younger than this, I do think you need to keep an eye on them. And for young children/toddlers, I have absolutely no problem with parents going around the soft play with them. I think younger kids prefer playing with an adult at this age, to be honest.

At the end of the day, my own child is my priority. My DD is nearly 8m now, and at our local soft play there's an area for babies/crawlers. She loves exploring and all the little soft ramps etc so we go sometimes, but not very often. I am, obviously, going to sit in it with her because she's still a baby. Unfortunately, I spend most of my time creating a human barrier between her and kids running wild who think they can literally gallop through the baby area, not looking where they're going and screaming. If bad parents/childminders would actually keen an eye on their cohort, the baby area would be safe for all of the babies to use and they could crawl about more freely. Unfortunately, I spend most of my time on edge because I'm just waiting for an accident to happen.

So, yes. Shit parents and shit childminders, please just be shit at your job in your own home. Ignore your kids and browse Facebook on your sofa. Leave public areas for those who are actually prepared to supervise and join in with their children.

You did the right thing OP.

@Venger That might be true but your own kids did it and he's their parent. I think it's an entirely different scenario when it's a stranger's kid doing it to someone they've never met before. It's a shame some kids don't have any boundaries when it comes to adults anymore. I worry about what if it's a 'dodgy' person who's up to no good.

My local soft play has the same thing, a group of CMs who do the exact same - sit around and drink coffee, never once paying attention to the children. The worst I have seen is a very young baby (maybe 7/8 months) crawling across soft play on their own, unattended, and belonging to one of the CMs. From seeing this so often I've vowed I wouldn't use a childminder - certainly not one from my local area!

Definitely NBU. I would have gently removed the girls hands as well - the cheek some people to have a go at you!

I wonder how many of those who see one bad Cm and vow never to use a Cm do the same with nurseries. See one bad nursery and rule them all out as terrible and neglectful forms of childcare. I doubt it.

I do feel so sad that it’s considered completely acceptable to speak so badly about a whole profession in a few sweeping statements and everyone piles on to give their ‘stories’ practically salivating at the thought of having a good moan. You don’t really see that happen with other professions.

I think a lot of these mums are jealous of childminders. I know a few and they earn ££££, get to be their own boss, go to soft play & drink coffee Only reason I can see for the over the top slating, as pp said, you don’t get the same slating of ALL nurseries.
Personally, I wouldn’t look after someone else’s child for all the tea in China, but I do detect jealousy from some.

Teddybear45 Is one of those parents/cm who sits back and chats while her child is ‘sorting’ out her issues at soft play with the other 3 year olds

Laughing at the thought of another child being able to pummel Teddybear45's child, yet an adult gently removing hands is considered unacceptable by her.

Also - the ‘grab your throat’ - are you serious? No sane person would do that. Jeez - you sound unhinged.

The childminder came over when you touched the child. She was obviously watching then or she wouldn't have seen what you were doing.
Yes she could have come over sooner if the children weren't behaving but she clearly was keeping an eye on what was happening, not just drinking coffee.
It's probably best you lift your child away from the situation if you think you need to intervene, rather than touching other children. You could also ask the other child's parent or carer to also step in if necessary.
Children do need supervision in soft plays and playgroups but they really don't need constant adult interaction in that kind of environment. It is really important they learn independent play and not to always have an adult leading what they do. Too much supervision is as bad as not enough.

I think what you did was fine.
I wouldn't really want to use a child minder, some will.be great. I see a few.childminders walking past our house to the school dragging a few kids with them in all.weathers to do the school run twice a day. Also seen some a groups and while they are looking after them.its obviously hard when they have a few to look after at the same time.
I have a friend who is training to be a childminder and she would be good as does loads of messy play etc with her son and used to be a teacher so would be brilliant. I couldn't imagine her meeting with loads of other child minders to sit in a soft play and drink coffee.

I see a few.childminders walking past our house to the school dragging a few kids with them in all.weathers to do the school run twice a day.

Um.... you know that is part of the job, don't you? School drop off and pick up. No one ever died from having to walk to school in the rain.

Too much supervision is as bad as not enough.

Our nearest softplay doesn't allow adults into the play frame and I much prefer it.

I hate soft play.

One of our local ones has a childminder mafia. Never mix with the other parents, let the children run daft, have a gossip. I know one of them and she says it’s where they have their meetings to support each other and freely admits they let the children get on with it.