Childminders at soft play

[namechanged121]

went to soft play with DC (1&3) don't normally go on a monday and there was maybe 8 child minders that show up, clearly all meet there on this day as they all knew each other...

At first I thought aw how lovely lots of DC same ages as mine for DC to play with but NO the child minders were all to busy chatting and drinking coffee! Children as young as 18 months running round the 3+ area getting stuck! Most of them were crying and being ignored...

Then my DC3 gets into a push along car and a little girl goes over and starts trying to rag her out of the car whilst another little boy is trying to push it backwards so I went over told the little boy to stop pushing it and said to the little girl please don't pull on (DC name) clothes thats not very nice! She totally ignored me and carried on!! Nobody came over so I gently took the girls hands of my DD and said NO! (The little girl looked around 3-4)

As I went to get my DC out of the car one of the women came over shouting why are you touching my DC... I was kind of for a few seconds then just said I asked your little girl not to pull on my child and she ignored me your clearly a child minder and instead of sitting on your ass talking you should watch your kids !! Then to top it of another one of her DC bites another DC whilst shes to busy having a go at me, I couldn't believe it!

Was I being unreasonable to have taken the little girls hands of my DC after asking nicely and being ignored ?! I can't get the look of DC's face out of my head, Iv always taught them to share and be kind at soft play so when stuff like this happens she looks to me for help

YANBU OP. When I take DS to soft play and something like this happens, I will give it a minute to see if it resolves itself (I’m pretty chilled, kids will be kids) or for the other parent/carer to notice their DC is being unkind and intervene- but anymore than that and I’m over there.

My DS only recently turned two and i remember once this older child (about 4) just came up behind mine while he was running about and pushed him over, hard. Caregiver nowhere to be seen. DS was a bit shaken by it, and I still remember the really sad look on his face when it happened, but in general was okay so I let it slide and the child ran off. 10 mins later he did it again, to the point he was then actively following DS around to push him over. Should I have just let them fight it out amongst themselves?

You’re absolutely not in the wrong for asking someone not to hurt your child. Even if it was another 3 years old. I don’t understand these parents/carers that don’t want anyone to intervene if their child is playing up. If my son was the one doing the pulling etc I would fully support someone telling him to stop.

You did nothing wrong OP, you didnt beat up the other child ffs

Standard behaviour for childminders round here. They seem to use softplay and playgroups as a chance to clock off and not pay any attention to the children, sit gossiping and having coffee.

Once a child wet themselves and childminder sent them back to play in wet clothes because they didn't want to take the other children home to change her.

I know there are some can childminders but unfortunately most I have seem don't seem to be very nurturing.

Ignore TeddyBear she's always having a pop.

You did right. I would complain to the staff if they are there and ignoring their charges again.

The thing that surprises me most on here is the 'photographs for mummy'. Not allowed locally.

I have the same experience of a group of childminders where I live. Ignore kids, sit and chat.

What’s not allowed @beingchampion?

YANBU. If another child was hurting my child and I couldn't ask their carer to help, I'd ask them to stop repeatedly, and threaten to go get their parent etc. If that didn't work I would hold their arms and move them to get to my child. I wouldn't stand there being ignored.

If I didn't intervene my child (and many others) would get very annoyed and start pushing and hitting back eventually.

I'm 2 years into SAH and there are exactly two CMs I'd leave my daughter with, out of the dozen or more I see regularly. YANBU OP, I' have done the same.

“You were absolutely wrong to touch another person’s child and in many soft plays that would get you banned.”

Utter crap!

She removed her hand. She didn't drag her outside and beat the shit out of her

It's school not Lord of the Flies

It's like the "all Americans are loud" thing. NO, just the ones you hear are!

You don't notice the lovely childminders, just the not so good ones.

My CM is lovely.

It’s such a shame people only spread their bad experiences. No one knows about all the good experiences, they go quietly unnoticed and unspoken.
I agree so much with this @GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat the children in my care have so many positive experiences and I know their parents don’t mind if I take them occasionally to soft play as the dc like going. I still get other parents mistaking me for the mother of the children too and when I explain I’m the childminder, they are quite shocked, as they think I’m really hands on and have such a close bond with the dc.

I have actually stopped going to all parent and child groups because I am fed up of parents not watching their children properly and not wanting to interact with their children, but I guess we all only see what we want to. Parents don’t see the fabulous childminder groups that we go to, that offer fantastic group opportunities for the dc or the activities that we do when we are at home. It’s always just the negative cm at soft play stories that we here about.

Ha ha @Teddybear45, are you one of the cm?

No I don’t think you’re unreasonable.
Does my head in when people don’t take responsibility for the children they have with them regardless of whether they’re theirs or not.
I saw a nursery in a soft play once and 2 out of 3 of the staff there climbed half way to a frame and were sat on their phones. So shoddy.

Yesterday I had to tell off a child for continuously sliding down onto children (both of mine on 2 separate occasions) and he could have really hurt someone.

Half way up a frame’

@beingchampion The thing that surprises me most on here is the 'photographs for mummy'. Not allowed locally can I ask where you live? In England we are allowed to take photos if we have permission. The majority of cms I know, would take a photo and either send it to parents straight away (or a bit later in the day) so the parent can see what the child has been getting up to during the day or download/print them off and stick them in a learning journey (either paper or online) to help track development.

Who has told you that cms aren’t allowed to take photos?

I dont think you were in the wrong here at all.Seems like these CM just wanted to chat and chill .Obviously if your child is upset you need to intervene ! These kind of "soft Play" areas seem to have an awful lot of children running Amok.

Yanbu

Sometimes I shout out loudly where is your mum? Then look around to get them to stop chatting. What was you supposed to do? Gently strip your dc naked to not upset the other kid? Our kids need to have good behaviour modelled and know mum will not sit by when they are being dragged about. It’s soft play not fight club

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat If you read the whole thread I did point out 1 or 2 of the childminders were really good and playing with the children in their care

Every parent I know who uses a CM say their one is brilliant. I now know this actually translates to flexible.
Just last week I went to a play group I’ve never been to before. I quickly realised it was full of CM’s. I recognised one of the children and my DC started to play with him. After 5mins or so the CM comes over and interrogates me on how I know the child, do I know his parent, basically trying to assess what my relationship is like with the family.
I use my standard responses of knowing them at school pick up and drop off. As soon as she assesses I’m not close to the family she rejoins her friends and carries on drinking her drink and eating biscuits. Child is left on the floor by themselves for the rest of the session.

I’ve seen so much terrible behaviour from children at soft play / play groups over the years, most of it from children there with their own parents. I stopped going in the end.

I think there's lots of assumptions here that it's only childminders who can sit in groups at soft play ignoring children. Reality is that there are many parents that do this too. It could be that out of the 8 adults the two who were interacting with the children may have been taking turns so the others could chat. There's nothing to say all 8 were childminders.

@Teddybear45. Perhaps she should have put gloves on both kids and let them hit each other inside a boxing ring!

People like you worry me. You probably think dog fighting is just a fun sport too. Idiotic and worrying!