Childminders at soft play

[namechanged121]

went to soft play with DC (1&3) don't normally go on a monday and there was maybe 8 child minders that show up, clearly all meet there on this day as they all knew each other...

At first I thought aw how lovely lots of DC same ages as mine for DC to play with but NO the child minders were all to busy chatting and drinking coffee! Children as young as 18 months running round the 3+ area getting stuck! Most of them were crying and being ignored...

Then my DC3 gets into a push along car and a little girl goes over and starts trying to rag her out of the car whilst another little boy is trying to push it backwards so I went over told the little boy to stop pushing it and said to the little girl please don't pull on (DC name) clothes thats not very nice! She totally ignored me and carried on!! Nobody came over so I gently took the girls hands of my DD and said NO! (The little girl looked around 3-4)

As I went to get my DC out of the car one of the women came over shouting why are you touching my DC... I was kind of for a few seconds then just said I asked your little girl not to pull on my child and she ignored me your clearly a child minder and instead of sitting on your ass talking you should watch your kids !! Then to top it of another one of her DC bites another DC whilst shes to busy having a go at me, I couldn't believe it!

Was I being unreasonable to have taken the little girls hands of my DC after asking nicely and being ignored ?! I can't get the look of DC's face out of my head, Iv always taught them to share and be kind at soft play so when stuff like this happens she looks to me for help

[WorraLiberty]

I have to walk past a playground every day on my way to/from work and I've witnessed some awful neglect and dismissive attitudes from some childminders.

On the other hand, as a PP pointed out, I probably just don't notice the good ones because they're not going to grab my attention.

[OMGshefoundmeout]

I can believe it only too easily OP. Over the years I’ve observed a lot of nannies and childminders (I was a childminder myself for a very short time). In all that time I have only met two nannies and one childminder that I would ever have considered leaving my DC with. The rest never did anything wrong that I saw but it was clear that they were not particularly interested in the children they cared for and their interactions with them were very limited.

[painauchocolat84]

@Teddybear45 are you joking? I will ABSOLUTELY intervene if any incompetent adult allows their child to be aggressive towards my child! And I will be entirely in the right by doing so! Are you crazy to suggest that as a mother I should stand by and watch my child be bullied by another child because their guardian is too lazy to get off their arses and watch them?! OP, you did the right thing.

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

Was I being unreasonable to have taken the little girls hands of my DC after asking nicely and being ignored

Nope

[painauchocolat84]

Also - so what if they’re starting school in a year? I am a teacher and if one child is being aggressive to another child and they don’t respond to words then of course I would intervene. Are you seriously suggesting that parents and children sit back, get out the popcorn, and encourage their children to fight other kids?! Madness.

[Troels]

You were not wrong, the childminder (and other parents who ignore their childs behaviour) should get off their bums and watch the kids, thats what the parents are paying them for.

[SoyDora]

Bloody hell Teddybear45 I’m glad you’re not my mother. Ruthless.

[Drogosnextwife]

I've had the oppose experience, it's usually parents ignoring their children, having a good gab and childminders who are keeping a watchful eye. And I go to many different softplay regularly.

[dirtyrottenscoundrel]

What is a nanny or childminder supposed to be doing with their children at soft play?
Reading to them?
Talking to them about what they got up to at the weekend?
I thought the point of playgroup & soft play was to let children run around and play with other children? ( not running wild but playing independently )
As long as the children are safe and having fun, I can’t see a problem with nannies sitting drinking coffee and having a chat with other nannies. This is just an hour or so out of what’s probably a 10 hour day.

[namechanged121]

Im not going to sit here and say I don't have a coffee and look at my phone whilst at soft play because I do, but I always have eyes on my DC...1 to make sure THEY don't hurt anyone or snatch toys and 2 so that no other DC does it to them!

Id be horrified if someone else had to tell my child of because I was to busy chatting to notice they were hitting another child

We left after 45 minutes because it was just mayhem, children sat at the bottom of the slide blocking it no one watching them to tell them to move, chucking the balls in other children's faces, ramming the sit in cars into other kids!

Like I said there were 1 or 2 women who were CM's and were VERY good with the DC playing and fully supervising etc! The others were sat at tables slagging of the parents and ignoring the kids.

[SimonsJones]

Does Teddybear have a child? It sounds like one of those things which people say before they had/have kids.

[namechanged121]

@dirtyrottenscoundrel most of the children were 1-2 years old!! they get paid to watch them not sit and drink coffee. They were hardly safe climbing to the top of a huge slide alone.

[horse4course]

Soft play is just a magnet for shit carers, whether they're parents or childminders.

It's an environment that increases tension between kids and their excitement levels while inviting carers to sit back with a hot drink. It's daft, which is why the most loyal attendees are daft too.

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

@horse4course

Extremely harsh but painfully true

[vanillaicedtea]

OP, you're not being unreasonable. We had a thread on here a few weeks ago about soft play and tonnes of lazy parents were justifying letting their feral children run riot. Ignore them. It's a joke parents and childminders get on like this, but their coffee and facebook time is so utterly precious to them, so what can anyone do?

Hope your DC is okay x

[LazyDaisey]

This reminds me of my old childminder. She mentioned that my toddler was shy and didn’t play with other children in the church groups she frequented and would instead want to come sit with her. I was puzzled as she loved groups when I went (was working part time). One day, I had a half a day off, so I told the childminder I’d meet them at the regular church group, so I could see what she was talking about.

Cue in a tiny hall cramped with more kids than toys in the middle and the childminder chatting with her other childminding friends on the side. The hall was so noisy, I had to shout to be heard when standing next to anyone. So I waved hello and went to sit next to my child on the floor with the toys/kids. She didn’t cling to me, she played nicely next to me and within a minute, I was surrounded by neglected toddlers who just wanted an adult to watch them play.

The childminder was gobsmacked that I went to sit and play with the kids and studdered, oh well sure I suppose if I did that..... the fuck. At that age, kids don’t play together, at best they play next to each other.

[Greenmarmalade]

should I teach my DC to hit back!?
When they’re a bit older, yes.

YANBU. Sounds awful.

[56Marshmallow]

Georgie - I feel the same. I'm a childminder and I very rarely have time to eat, let alone drink coffee when I'm working. It makes me sad because there are excellent childminders out there, properly taking care of other people's children as if they were our own.

However, I do know what the OP means be ayse I have seen it with large groups childminders going to soft play and allowing their charges to run riot or ignore a crying baby.

I picked my own childminder by being in the company of childminders at groups. The ones that had cups of tea, talking with their backs to their mindees were given a wide berth by me. The childminders that had a quick cuppa while keeping half an eye on their little ones and then, afterwards, going over to engage with them. They are the ones I picked to visit.

There's nothing wrong with having a quick tea break and sit down at work but they should also watching their little ones carefully!

[Drogosnextwife]

dirtyrottenscoundrel

No no, parents, childminders and nannies are supposed to shadow children everywhere they go.

[Drabarni]

I don't know what you expect OP, this is how they are raised. I often wonder if the parents care, just off to work, then post on Mnet what wonderful childcare they have.
The state of childcare is awful, couldn't pay me to use it.

[MrsRufusdog789]

@namechanged121
I personally wouldn't touch another person's child but can understand exactly why you had to . I was in a similar position crawling inelegant l'y but steadily through tubes and up obstacles at a playgym with our grandson who at the age he was then I wouldn't let out of my sight . A really distressed child had been calling for his Mum for ages and asked to be lifted up to the tube slide . I called down to the mother ( texting and presumably deaf ) to ask if it was OK to help him . If you can be arsed was her reply . I'm nearer nursing home age than she is but I hope when she gets there he can be arsed to visit . Tbh she wouldn't have known or given a rat's behind what the poor little guy was lifted up or not . At this playgym parents are the worse than any child minder at ignoring the children .

[beingchampion]

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat and @Maryann1975 To clarify - our local soft play doesn't allow photographs (or didn't when we used to go) - nothing to do with being a childminder, just the policy of the place.

[Kitchendiscodiva]

should I teach my DC to hit back!?
Absobloodylutely !

[Teddybear45]

@painauchocolat84 - if you grabbed my child like the OP did I’d grab your throat. It’s as simple as that. And yes I do have kids and I do supervise them at softplay but never would use violence or touch another child like this. And her child is 3, not 18 months old, that is old enough for them to manage the situation and come to me if they have a problem with something. Hovering over a child that will start reception soon is NOT effective parenting.