AIBU over car DP got us?

[DrivingTat]

Hi, all

I need to know how U you think I am over this.

So this Saturday my DP went to get us a new car (secondhand), I did not go with him as I had plans and was not that interested tbh. He sorted our last one out, which we scrapped last week as was too much to repair (head gasket)... It was a fiesta 54 plate.

So Saturday I went shopping with my friend, which was lovely! Had such a nice day as I had not seen her for awhile. Anyway half way through the day (about 1pm) I get a text from DP. "Got us a car sorted". I texted back without a thought to ask which one. I said "fab babe, we were just talking about you lol". That was it.

I get home about 8pm, feeling v relaxed and happy. So there I am telling DP about my day and he tells me about his. Yes the car I say let's see it!!

I go outside with DP and he points to it! I laughed my head off thinking he was taking the piss. He wasn't.

It's a blue 1989 escort, with one wheel trim and cassette radio. Why?! Just why?!

I don't like it, don't want it. It's my own fault for being so relaxed about buying a car and leaving it up to him, I know that but AIBU to be annoyed?

I have not said anything to him, because I don't know what to say. It's bought, taxed, insured. WWUD? Do I throw a fit and say take it back? Do I yell at him for not first asking to buy such a old car? Do I just live with it and get over it. It's been two days and I still feel so pissed off at him!! And myself.

We share one car, paid for out a joint account. We agreed on a budget, and yes he stuck to it. I really am not a car snob, I really did not think I cared as long as it got me from a-b but clearly I do. I just don't understand why that one. It's a tatty mess. How is it even still running!!!

Morning all,

I'm having my morning coffee and thought I would update.

I spoke to DP last night about the car, told him how upset I was and asked what he was thinking. He told me he's sorry, he just fell in love with it. I blew up at him and told him he was selfish. We had a massive argument and he stopped in the spare room.

Apparently it's the same tax as our last car, I will look in to that myself. I don't know if I believe anything about this car tbh. I feel like I can't trust him anymore. Oh and yes I know that paper work is good to keep but very few people will pay more just because of some stupid disks, or a bit of paper saying it had a brake fluid change 20 years ago. (I'm guessing that as have not looked at paperwork yet).

@pooopypants that was rude and uncalled for. But I will admit to being pathetic in being upset this car is v old has no new safety features, and will fume me and DP and the kids out. I don't know how old you are so maybe when your kids were little it was fine to put them in a car that stinks of petrol everytime you stop-start. When I was a kid it was the same tbh. But I don't want that for myself, kids or DP in 2019. I drive on the motorway everyday for work, if I crash I have less chance in this car. But as you say superficial and pathetic.

I'm not going to be able to respond now as I need to get ready for work then leave. Thank you all again for the support, it's been v helpful.

Got to be honest i feel a bit sorry for your dp here. Yes he got carried away. he probably should have texted about what he was thinking of getting but is now in the doghouse so is definetely paying for it. This is the sort of thing you and the kids could be ribbing him about for years

By your own admission you didnt specify any guildelines and spent a nice day out despute the fact that your dp is 5 minutes from your house and you are the one driving it on the motorway everyday.

Plenty of people drove escorts for years without being gassed out. If it bothers you that much get an activated charcoal cabin filter for it.

Yes safety features are important i grant you but a bit of perSpective. The best safety feature is the driver. If you are uncomfortable with the risk sell it on asap and replace it. Plenty of pp have advised how to get a value for it. Are you sure you are not just embarressed by such an old car?

To be honest buying second hard cars at this price point can be a lottery. These are cars that dealers probably gave £200 trade in for. usually what you look for is a long mot as possible and hope to get 12 months out of it with anything else being a bonus. Often mots you see are signed off by a friendly garage. Ive had cars that have passed with burnt out washer motors. All very well saying ac would be nice but often the gas is leaking so it doesnt work. A car of this value will have faults and it is sometimes hard to spot ones that could be expensive especially if you are not mechanically minded. Yes loads of people may say i got such and such a car that lasted x years but id say thats the exception rather than the rule. Often advice is to buy something with as few extras as possible so theres less to go wrong.

you are entitled to feel what you like but you now need to decide together what you are now going to do. Perhaps you should take responsibility for the next car seeing as you will be the one using it most commuting wise and have various preferences/ biases you expect your dp to magically know about.

A classic car is only worth something if its in basically mint original condition

Classic Mumsnet - people who have no idea what they're talking about giving out incorrect information

very few people will pay more just because of some stupid disks

You’ve spent this entire thread telling us how little you know about cars and how you know that?
Those stupid discs, as you have been told, are provenance and people will pay more with that history including details of oil changes and the like.
You’re throwing away notes if you bin them. Even on their own on eBay they have a value. People will pay a fiver for a replica.

@Toastymash amusing isn’t it. I feel like I’ve spent half this thread talking to myself.

My concerns wouldn't be safety - many of us grew up driving around in cars like yours and lived to tell the tale - but economy. Older cars need more nurturing. You need a tame mechanic, or the skills to do the day to day maintenance yourself. Let him enjoy it for a bit but start planning for its replacement when the novelty wears off.

I suggest you find out if you can get a cheap car loan from work, or investigate a bank loan, and buy a more suitable car for yourself. The salesman obviously did a good job on your DH, convincing him to fall in love with a totally unsuitable car for you and DC.

I would be furious. Surely the first priority when buying a car for your family is safety?

Classic Mumsnet - people who have no idea what they're talking about giving out incorrect information

Exactly - with a liberal dose of snobbery and hypocrisy thrown in.

”My concerns wouldn't be safety - many of us grew up driving around in cars like yours and lived to tell the tale”

Yes, my brothers and I lived to tell the tale without car seats or seatbelts and with my little brother just placed on the back seat in his carry cot. Doesn’t mean I’d do the same for my kids in 2019.

What a ridiculous argument.

UK historical road deaths, even without taking into account huge increase in car ownership

You see this picture? Its a mini. It sold for £20k in that condition

"One careful owner ..."

My concerns wouldn't be safety - many of us grew up driving around in cars like yours and lived to tell the tale - but economy.

Silly statement. Yes we all survived (I had no car seat, no booster, no seatbelt, no airbags etc), but never mind all those who did or were very seriously injured. Deaths and injuries that don’t happen nowadays.

Of course, more deaths still happen on the road more than anywhere else, which is why I buy (2nd hand) as modern and as safe a car as I can find.

Try the euro ncap website. The car will perform in a crash much worse than the worst of modern cars today.

I don’t mean to labour the point for the op, but worry that her and her children will be driving around in it, especially as winter and ice roads are on the way.

I'd have gone mad but going mad 2 days later would be a bit strange - it's kind of an in the moment thing isn't it? Yes you weren't interested but only because you'd never have imagined in a million years that this would be the car of choice - I'm sure any standard car of say 10 years old would have been ok with you and there'd have been plenty within budget

Oh and I wonder how many of the people calling you a snob and ridiculous are driving their families around daily in 30 year old cars.

Was your last car really too expensive to repair?
A new head gasket is not an expensive item, it's mainly the labour cost and it would have been worth getting some competitive quotes.

Oh I'd love it.

My first car was the exact one you describe. I even remember the reg.. H517 GVT.

OP, you need one of these for your music, keep the cassette player in! Btw, this is hilarious and would love to see a picture

www.amazon.co.uk/DIGITNOW-Cassette-Adapter-Smartphone-through-Black-1/dp/B01I02WT94/ref=pd_sbs_107_2/262-5250628-6974552?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2b420a2f-6593-478e-8b5f-cb43865ff16f&_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_wg=7jdOm&pf_rd_r=C0ZSA0T97AQM317GJBDB&pd_rd_i=B01I02WT94&pd_rd_w=AixYY&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&refRID=C0ZSA0T97AQM317GJBDB&pd_rd_r=ddd4d92e-35a3-41cf-9ee3-c2b9436cd744

I'm on break so thought I would check this thread.

To answer some... Yes it's strange to go mad two days later. I never planned on it blowing up the way it did but there we go. I did not talk about it Saturday night as I was too annoyed, Sunday he was out all day, again I said nothing on the night. Monday he went to work early and I made this post to ask if I was U... I have not heard off DP yet today. I know it sounds bad but I feel a lot better after last night, it's all out in the open now. Yes I do bottle stuff up and that's my fault. However like I said at the start of this thread, I blame myself more then him and was not sure if I had any right to have a go at him. But it happened anyway.

The old car had more then just the head gasket, I did explain this too but I understand the post is now pages long. It would have cost a lot to repair the head gasket, the pump, the pads and also the heater was shit in the end and would still be blowing cold after say 30min, it seemed to only kick in after being on fast roads but would then die again to cold air when on 30 roads.

Yes I know the best safety feature in a car is the driver but why can't I have both in 2019? I did before. I forgot myself on the way to work and as I came off the slip, I braked foot down and my wheels locked for a split second. Just another reminder the car is 30 years old. Oh and yes of course I can drive a car without abs, did so for years... Does not mean I wanted to go back in time. Gosh I look at it an feel like saying where is my can of lacquer and lip gloss lol. Maybe I should get a perm and shoulder pads to match.

Oh and to the pp who asked if I was embarrassed about driving it, yes I am! I did say that also in another post lol.

OP I'd be fuming too. And yes I think it's his fault. Basically, he KNEW he was buying something which is in no way what you'd expect. He fell in love with it, fine - a sensible adult knows that that's the point at which he calls you up and says, ok, there's this car, it will totally be not what you'd be expecting me to get and it's as old as the hills but I wanted to run it by you. And you'd say no, fine if you want something to tinker with but I have to use it too and I want something with vaguely up to date safety features and less than 30 years old!

It's the same as if he'd come back with a camper van. Yes, it's a vehicle. No, it's not a reasonable purchase.

I would just calmly say you need this car sold as it is not sufficently safe or pleasant to drive in thanks to the petrol smell. And start again.

Not sure why people think that's the best he could get for £800, if you look online at some websites and gumtree you could of got a newer car for the price, you just have to shop around. My friend brought a 2003 Corsa last month for £800 actually.

There is nothing to stop you selling it and buying something more suitable. You will actually need to engage in the process this time, obviously!

Yes I know the best safety feature in a car is the driver

I agree, but you have no control over other drivers.

The car is older than me. What's a cassette tape?

What's a cassette tape?

lmgtfy.com/?q=what+is+a+cassette+tape

I went with my DP to buy a new car from a car yard. I went purely as a voyeur...my interest in cars is zilch....DP was all over it and he talked the talk. Oh my. Found the car and DP just turned to utter idiot....immediately accepted ticket price. I with my head spinning yelled out no we are not paying that. DP looked at me in horror. I mean seriously no one in the history of the planet has accepted ticket price for a car sale.
I ended up doing a ton of negotiating and we got the price down and got the obligatory floor mats and 1k fuel voucher. DP looked shocked (and utterly bloody useless) the whole time.
But oh my. I was stuck in the stereotype and I got the quick lesson that it is crap. I believed in the stereotype...more so than him. I proved to myself the lesson that men do not know best and even though he was the car expert.(and this was all against my will)

Please, please PLEASE do not get rid of any of the paperwork.

It may be the only reason you might get a good price for it in the future.

It really, really matters.