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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
tmh88 · 23/09/2019 10:28

Yep I’m with your MIL my mum did this to me, I love my mum to bits but will never understand why I didn’t have Santa just seems such an odd thing to not do. my Ds definitely will.

Original poster
CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 10:29

Was only thinking about it, not set in stone. My main issue is my over bearing mil thinking she can tell me how to raise my dc. She is a very interfering women who treats my DH like a child still.

MyCatsHat
Good advice. Think I'll do something like that. Go along with it but if they ask me directly is santa-claus real ill ask them "what do you think?". I won't make a big deal about it or mention it much and do a red stocking that dc can think is from santa-claus.

OP posts:
StandUpStraight · 23/09/2019 10:29

Is that you Hobbit? is the funniest thing I’ve read for days.

Sounds to me like sanctimonious virtue-signalling. And I doubt your child will be able to keep their knowledge to themselves, thus spoiling it for all their future classmates. Kids work this stuff out in their own time. I don’t think any child ever grew up resenting their parents for letting them believe in Father Christmas, but I bet there are a few out there who wonder why their parents felt duty bound to deny them the magic that the other children will always remember.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 10:30

Telling small children he doesnt exist is about you, not them.

I’ve always seen it the other way. I remember feeling quite pissed off and even slightly humiliated when I sussed that Father Christmas was a story; it was like the adults had lied to get me to react in a certain way because it amused them to see it. I think people wanting their kids to believe is actually all about them and the Christmas that they want to have....

huuskymam · 23/09/2019 10:30

Think of your poor child having to keep it a secret from all their school friends for years. Also think of the purest excitement you'll be missing on the run up to Santa coming. My 9 year old still believes and the excitement is a joy to watch, whereas my teenagers couldn't care what day or month it is.

StarlingsInSummer · 23/09/2019 10:30

And FC is a delivery person in our house too - I know that's not how most people do it, but that's how both of our families did it when we were little. So we, or Auntie Lou, or Granny tells FC what to get for little "Jonny" and FC delivers it on Xmas morning. It works for us - the magic is still there but it means relatives get the pleasure of knowing DS knows who picked out his gifts, and he can write his thank you cards nicely. But we still can do all the reindeer, mince pie, carrot, dusty footprint stuff with him too.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 10:31

...badly phrased there - sorry. I meant it’s all about the parents and the Christmas they want for themselves rather than it being “all for the children”.

czechitout · 23/09/2019 10:31

I'm with you.
I never did that with my kids but I was thinking it would be great not to teach them the presents are from some 'Father Christmas' but to tell them the magic of Christmas is in preparing the presents and nice surprises for our loved ones. And involve them in the process of giving, not only look forward to getting.
But I've never did that with my kids. They are now older (8 and 10) and do not believe so they are now in the process of giving.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/09/2019 10:32

@NataliaOsipova I can't take people seriously who get upset about being lied to over FC and other whimsical stories.

Seriously. It's ridiculous.

goldenzog · 23/09/2019 10:32

Your MIL is right. It will ruin Christmas.

StandUpStraight · 23/09/2019 10:32

Sorry Op, cross post. If I’m honest, my own MIL’s interference would likely tip me into doing the opposite of what she suggested.

StarlingsInSummer · 23/09/2019 10:33

My main issue is my over bearing mil thinking she can tell me how to raise my dc.

Don't make this about you and your MIL. Put your child's enjoyment before wanting to show her who is in charge.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/09/2019 10:33

I get the whole interfering MiL thing.

But wouldn't it be a hell of a lot easier to stand up for yourself than to ultimately spite your child to try and get one tiny point up on her.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 10:33

Go along with it but if they ask me directly is santa-claus real ill ask them "what do you think?". I won't make a big deal about it or mention it much and do a red stocking that dc can think is from santa-claus

That’s always been my strategy. “What do you think?” is a good way of getting round it!

Wehttam · 23/09/2019 10:34

Growing up Jehovahs Witness we didn’t believe in Santa. Our childhoods were hollow during Christmas. That magical belief is something I never had, I would reconsider OP. I’m curious to know why you would be so inclined to want to spoil their experience?

Gruzinkerbell1 · 23/09/2019 10:35

Don’t be a miserable killjoy just to get one over your MIL.

Plus if your kid told my kid that Santa wasn’t real I’d have your eyeballs as Christmas baubles.

Aderyn19 · 23/09/2019 10:35

I get the temptation with overbearing ILs is to do the opposite of what they tell you, but pick your battles. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

NoSauce · 23/09/2019 10:36

Going off your other threads OP you seem to have problems with your in laws.

You need to separate the issues here.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 10:37

Contraceptionismyfriend Never said I got “upset”; just that, if I reflect on it now and try to articulate my feelings at the time, I think it pissed me off. And that’s no less valid a reaction than all the people gushing about “magic”. Whimsical stories are what they are - a bit of fun. The people I struggle to take seriously are the “Christmas is ruined forever because some child told my 9 year old something perfectly true” brigade. But we will probably have to agree to disagree on this!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/09/2019 10:39

@NataliaOsipova you said you were pissed off. How is that not being upset?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/09/2019 10:39

Why don't you allow Santa to bring one or two gifts (small - medium in size and cost) and the big present comes from Mum & Dad?
That way you're covering all bases.
Santa is still there, your MiL can't object to that and you still have the say in what Santa brings and what presents you give to your child(ren) over the years.

BeyondMyWits · 23/09/2019 10:39

We didn't have Santa growing up, we had God - Christmas was still great.

When allowed free will I chose not to "believe" any more. Hubby did the whole Santa thing as a kid so we did Santa for our kids til they were about 3 and 4 ...

but FIL ruined it - unwittingly - with "he comes in your room and tweaks your little nose to see if you are REALLY sleeping" - cue screams and lots of no, no, no.....no he doesn't etc... eventually the youngest had to be told it was all made up just so I could pry out the fingernails embedded in my arms...

so do what you like - Christmas is as magical as you want to make it. Others will go on about Santa, others will go on about the little baby Jesus - tell your kids that they should always respect the beliefs of others. Have your own tradition, or none at all - it doesn't really matter - it is more about the caring closeness of family, the feasting and presents, the enjoying of the day.

Thornhill58 · 23/09/2019 10:39

We did the Santa thing he love it. We went to Lapland the whole 9 yards.
He didn't believe by the time he was about 6 but it was fun and a bit of magic.

Original poster
CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 10:41

If I’m honest, my own MIL’s interference would likely tip me into doing the opposite of what she suggested this is a problem too, changing my mind on santa-claus will mean mil is likely to interfere more. I'm already at the end of my tether with her interfering and how she treats dh!

OP posts:
Neveam · 23/09/2019 10:41

Loads of parents don't tell their kids about about santa. They don't like the somewhat lying aspect and telling them they need to behave to get presents.

Do your Christmas however you want. Theyre YOUR kids, not your mils!