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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
CCquavers · 23/09/2019 10:42

It's fun so why not. No-one expects you to lie to your child. Deflecting the scientific questions makes it tremendous fun.

I do however draw the line at saying animals can talk, superheros exists and making wishes when you blow out your birthday candles is just ridiculous.

saraclara · 23/09/2019 10:42

Your MIL was rude and made it about her.

But otherwise I agree with her. And it's impossible for a small child not to blab to his friends.

My daughhter brought a new reading book home from school when she was 5. I opened it and found that it gave away that the Easter Bunny isn't real. I sent it back next morning, unread, with a little note saying PLEASE could she not have to read this one, as she still believes and loves the Easter egg search in the garden almost more than Christmas! Her teacher was very sweet about it, and we exchanged a grin and a wink at pick up time when my DD came out with a new book.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 10:43

Contraceptionismyfriend Well - to me, “upset” implies I was deeply shaken to the core/cried/felt it profoundly affected me in some way. I said I was “pissed off”, which felt more like “Oh fuck off for having had a laugh at me over that one for all these years”. Semantics, I suppose. But I firmly believe that a lot of parents do it for their own benefit rather than for the benefit of the children.....

bluegirlgreen · 23/09/2019 10:43

I think it's mean and horrible and selfish to deprive kids of Santa, and the parents doing it are just trying to be 'alternative' and 'hippy-like' and soooo 'right-on!' But they're not, they are just coming across as mean-spirited, and a bit daft... They seem so proud of telling their kids Santa isn't real, but I just cringe when I hear about anyone doing this. It's so mean and naff. Especially as they clearly think they are sooooo cool! 😂

And in addition, most people feel sorry for their kids, (having them for parents!) And I am glad the majority of people agree that it's wrong to tell your kids Santa isn't real when they are toddler/infant age!

As for the attitude from a few people that 'some people don't NEED the horrible commercialisation and expense that Christmas brings.....' You do know, do you not, that not EVERYONE spends a fortune on Christmas?! Hmm Some people manage to enjoy it with spending very little.

It's ignorant and arrogant to assume everyone who lets their kids believe in Santa for a few years, and who enjoys and celebrates Christmas, spends multiple fucking thousands! Hmm

As for people saying it caused them harm (knowing about Santa,) WTAF??? Confused

As for the posters who said they felt 'lied to' by their parents when they discovered Santa wasn't real... Just LOL! and WTF? Are you serious.......... Get a grip FGS. 😂

Oh and yeah @CaterpillarInTheGarden You ARE being unreasonable!

Lemonlimesoda · 23/09/2019 10:43

You have a DH and MIL issue not Santa issue. Just give MIL a bag of coal from the big man and be done with it.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/09/2019 10:46

Oh fuck off for having had a laugh at me over that one for all these years

What a disturbing childhood you must've had to think that that's what parents do regarding Santa.

We're not all pointing at our kids laughing at them being gullible.
Most get joy out of their innocence and happiness.

Ratbagcatbag · 23/09/2019 10:47

I know someone who's daughter doesn't believe at all (5 years old) and she told her school friends that Santa wasn't real, it upset her class mates and their parents.
One parent organised a big Xmas party with Santa etc and they didn't invite the 5 year old non believer, her mum was really angry, but I could absolutely understand why she wasn't invited.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 23/09/2019 10:49

There are some much bigger lies being peddled to our kids these days, often in school by people in authority, than Santa or the Easter bunny, I think a sense of perspective is needed.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 23/09/2019 10:50

As for people saying it caused them harm (knowing about Santa,) WTAF???

Yes. Finding out my parents had lied to me - a very logical child - was deeply upsetting and affected my trust in them. Being forced to lie about it for younger siblings went against what I believed in and felt like another betrayal. It lasted several years and further damaged my relationship with my parents. I’ve spent £££s on counselling to try and rebuild the relationship.

My husband felt the same.

So, whilst it may be rare, it happens. 🖕🏻

Oysterbabe · 23/09/2019 10:50

Oh fuck off for having had a laugh at me over that one for all these years

This is a really weird attitude. I don't see my kids believing in fairytales and think
Lol! Look at those tiny idiots.
I just take pleasure in their joy.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 23/09/2019 10:51

I think it's mean and horrible and selfish to deprive kids of Santa,

What about children growing up in cultures without Santa?

Why do you want everyone to do what you do? We aren’t all sheep.

brummiesue · 23/09/2019 10:51

Im sure every mum will flock to make friends with you at the school gates Grin

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/09/2019 10:52

If my adult child was pissed off at me lying about Santa I'd seriously wonder how I'd made a person requiring such a large grip.

Ayeupduckieboos · 23/09/2019 10:52

If it's the lying aspect you don't like, my parents always insisted we call "him" Father Christmas, because my Dad is a Father at Christmas and he ate the mince pies, drank the milk and put the presents out to be found.

00100001 · 23/09/2019 10:54

Of course it won't ruin Christmas... :/

Do whatever you want. They will still have a great time!

winoforever95 · 23/09/2019 10:54

My children are 20 and 11 and we all still 'believe' 😂 I get a stocking from Father Christmas as well as them and it's part of the magic that of Christmas.

My (rather odd and far too 'adult' for his age) nephew was raised with no belief in Father Christmas, one Christmas when he visited at the age of 5 he told my then 8 year old dd with a very condescending tone that Father Christmas wasn't real. Without a moments hesitation she turned round and told him that that's what the parents of naughty children tell them to explain why they didn't get as many presents as the good children when they didn't want them to know it was because they were naughty. It's one of my proudest mummy moments 😂

ArcheryAnnie · 23/09/2019 10:56

You do Christmas however you like. Children understand the power of stories, and don't need to believe that everything is 100 empiricle fact to get enjoyment out of them. It's like theatre - they know the woman in tights on stage isn't Peter Pan, and the cardboard thing on stage isn't a real crocodile which has swallowed a clock, but it's magical anyway.

Your MIL is being ridiculous.

intothehoods · 23/09/2019 10:56

I grew up without it. Trust me, Christmas was (and still is) magical. Absolutely magical.

And I never said anything about it to my friends because it wasn't a big deal. We were just told that some people tell their children this so we shouldn't say that it wasn't true.

My children also know that Father Christmas isn't real. DS has still asked me already whether we can go on a local Christmas train this year to see FC.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 11:00

If my adult child was pissed off at me lying about Santa I'd seriously wonder how I'd made a person requiring such a large grip.

And if my adult child was pissed off about me being uneasy about telling lies to small children to facilitate her own enjoyment, I’d probably feel the same. (Worry not - it’s never been a big deal in my life. I just firmly believe that adults tell children this stuff for their - the adults’ - own benefit. It’s not for the kids in the way they claim it is....)

mummmy2017 · 23/09/2019 11:04

Why do people blame the Santa experience for mental health.
Children still believe from friends at school even if you tell them differently.
So does that mean your children are lying to you about not believing at home just to stop you talking about it.

DriftingLeaves · 23/09/2019 11:04

#Team MiL.

combatbarbie · 23/09/2019 11:04

You are the fun police aren't you. I feel sorry for your child. And that will be fun in reception when he's going round telling everyone father Christmas doesn't exist. I gather this means he will never visit a grotto, go to school Xmas parties etc.

You don't have to use it as threats if he's been naughty but I'm sure all us parents have done at some point.

I'm really surprised at those who say when you did realise you felt gaslighted.... FFS we are talking about Christmas and children...... If this is the next generation of thought then Christmas is going be rather dull in years to come.

Although mine don't believe, they very much believe in the magic of Christmas.....

MyCatsHat · 23/09/2019 11:07

Lol! Look at those tiny idiots. . :o

No, I don't think this is it either - parents aren't laughing at their DC for believing. With many I've met it's more an over-serious, earnest, desperate need to believe that their child is full of angelic innocence and that genuinely believing means they have "magic" in their life. I find it really weird because as PPs have said children understand the suspension of disbelief and lots of things are "magical" and fun for them, without sincere belief having to be pushed.

Also I don't think most children are that innocent / clueless. For me, the important part is when they question it - I really think that logical questioning should be respected and encouraged. Not slapped down by telling them they have to believe, and making them confused about their own ability to reason. Of course not all parents do that but I have seen it plenty of times.

Beesandcheese · 23/09/2019 11:09

We don't do Santa. If you want to, tell her you'll do our Christmas: a walk and a picnic, avoiding all friends and family, as all they want is to get thanjs for some hastily wrapped tat no one asked for. It's a load of nonsense, if you want to buy your child a present why go through all that rigmarole? Christmas is literally for the God appreciators and not me thanks.

Shahlalala · 23/09/2019 11:09

Not read every reply and I might get flamed for this....

DD didn’t like the idea of Santa coming in the house and things, so when she outright asked (I think she was almost 3ish? Not sure) I told her it was a story/fairytale like lots of other things. We play unicorns, she knows they aren’t real too. DD takes things very literally and wants to know what is and isn’t real.
However we still play pretend with it and leave out carrots and a mince pie, still very magical. She still loves going to see Santa etc.
She knows the truth, it’s still fun and magical but she isn’t worried about it.
Never had any issue with peers, I just asked her not to mention it as some children believe he is real.
DD is nearly 5 and is very excited for
Christmas.