To think this won't ruin Christmas?

[CaterpillarInTheGarden]

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas ). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

Although I always sent along with it for my now long grown up children I always thought how strange it was to tell them that an old man dressed in red with a beard would be sneaking into their bedrooms when they were asleep to deliver presents

“Not everyone puts themselves in debt spending thousands of pounds on presents and making pigs of themselves.”

Exactly. People shouldn’t make their own lack of self control other people’s problem.

This super reminds me of years ago at my kids’ primary, there was no compulsory uniform and it worked fine. One couple who are just completely unable to control their dcs or ever say no to them actively campaigned for compulsory uniform, because their dcs were insisting on going to school in fairy wings, sequin fedoras, party dresses etc etc. So largely because of their utter inability to say ‘no darling go and put something sensible on’ i now spend my weekends bleaching white fucking polo shirts, surely the least practical garments ever another win for shit ineffectual parenting yay

Stop expecting society to change to compensate for your own lack of ability to say no

I think it’s a bit mean spirited to say Santa isn’t real at young age and could spoil it for his little friends - I used to love the magic of Santa

If you do make the choice not to do the whole Santa myth with your DC be sure you are doing it for good reasons and not just to get one over on your MIL.

I've read this story before and thought it was a lovely way to transition from Santa

www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/a-lovely-non-traumatizing-way-to-break-the-news-about-santa-to-your-kids_n_5845b3c6e4b028b323389153/amp

Just tell your child the story about St. Nick and how someone care enough to help people in the winter long long ago.
Then Santa is a real person.
Why do this though before your child understands these things
You have maybe 5 years before what mum says overrides the joy and excitement of school time at Xmas.
Mine was told at 4 by sibling who was 9, but for a few years was unsure so hedged their bets.

@Boobiliboobiliboo what damage did it cause you? Seriously, just the santa bit?

@RoyalChocolat I never told my friends Santa didn't exist either, despite never believing. My brother did tell a small group of kids who were a bit old to be believing and he was pretty much dragged over hot coals by the school. He was overheard by a dinner lady (who was also a friend of the family) and he was dragged into the headmaster's office and berated. My parents were summoned to the school and couldn't understand why he was in trouble for telling the truth. There was a huge overreaction and my parents did not take kindly to being told their child must lie.

God I hate this. Really loathe it. It is SO miserable. Dont care if I get flamed for it. The real world is shit. Why can't children have a lovely make believe story for a few years that brings genuine joy? What an utterly miserable childhood to never get the magic of Christmas.

Telling small children he doesnt exist is about you, not them. So you can feel weirdly smug and superior 'Well I never lie to my children'. Well big gold star for you. My parents 'lied' to me and I am extremely close to both of them and grateful for a childhood.

We didn't do Santa growing up and guess what ... Christmas was still magical! We spent time together, made decorations and biscuits, chose a tree, and borrowed Christmas traditions from other countries.

My parents were total hippies who even then hated the commercialisation of Christmas and saw Santa as an extension of that. I respect their decision and that they still made our Christmases amazing.

As soon as teaching staff were aware that there was an issue the child was removed from the class during christmas activities because he kept telling all the other kids that santa wasn't real and their parents were liars

There was a girl like this at my daughters school, and no one could stop her telling the other kids. Her behaviour appeared spiteful. It seemed as it was ruined for her, she wanted to ruin it for every other kid, as she was envious of their excitement and the fun they were having.

Your child, your decision but do think about how it might impact on other children if yours goes around bursting their bubble at some point. MIL definitely overstepped, your child, your decision.

My DS will be 9 months old at Christmas this year and Santa will sure as shit be coming to our house! He’ll be leaving him a mince pie too, join in the fun from a young age! Oh and I’ll be giving him a (not chocolate) advent calendar and a stocking too. Don’t worry, we’ll enjoy Christmas on behalf of all you Ebenezer’s who do t want to!

It wont ruin Christmas and it isn't cruel but I do wonder whether you are losing something of what is special about Christmas. My boys used to enjoy the ritual of cutting up carrots and parsnips for the reindeer and leaving a beer and mince pie for Santa (which I could then consume - it was a WIN WIn ritual!)

Kids are capable of both believing and not believing, simultaneously. My eldest, a thoughtful, tends towards anxious, personality, was worried about a strange man coming down the chimney and also needed to question everything (‘what about the children from the Water Aid advert? Does Santa visit them?’) and to get firm, truthful answers - he was relieved to hear it’s ‘just a story’, a game we play, and relaxed into joining in the fun with his cousins who do believe. My youngest has more of a belief that Santa is real and thinks he’d like to meet him, so I expect we’ll find a grotto this year. My sister had a violent reaction against our approach when our eldest was wee, she’s very strict and shouty with her kids 363 days a year and gives them hugely happy birthdays and Xmas. Each to their own.

I don't think it would ruin Christmas but would definitely take some of the magic away from them.

I think this is the only time since I joined mumsnet that I've agreed with the interfering mother in law. Christmas when I was a child was absolutely magical and I have never experienced that sense of wonder and anticipation for anything in my adult life. I can't imagine wanting to deprive a child of that excitement.

I would also be furious if someone else's child told my child when she was only 4 or 5 that Santa wasn't real and ruined it for her.

You need to watch Miracle on 34th Street.

Enjoying the very few years your kids believe in Santa = bad parenting .

Duck however has a sensible approach if you're uncomfortable going along with it.

I also won’t be teaching my children to lie to their friends and pretend Father Christmas is real either

That's fine. I'd just tell my kid that your kid was so naughty Santa doesn't come to them and that that's why they've said that.

Another one on MIL side here. DD1 is nearly 10 and still stubbornly believing in Santa, I'm sure she's worked it out but she just loves the whole magic. DD2 (6) often questions if things are real unicorns, mermaids, tooth fairy etc and I always say 'well I've never seen one but hair because I haven't seen it doesn't mean it's not real' leaves it open for them to make up their own mind without running their lives and betraying them with lies (as it seems to be the worry of some)

I think yabu. It caused great excitement for the dc that father christmas was coming and putting reindeer food out in the front garden. I remember as a child trying desperately to get to sleep but I was too excited. Now they are older it's not magical and exciting anymore and I can't bribe them to go to sleep or santa will fly straight over our house

Just don't do what my mil did to sil. Sil started secondary school and she was the only one to believe. She even took a letter into school that 'santa' had wrote to her to prove it and she had the complete piss ripped out of her

@Boobiliboobiliboo you got harmed? Really? How exactly?

I always told my children the truth.
I do not believe that parents should knowingly lie to children, but that does not mean we 'spoilt' christmas.
I thought they should know who had put the effort into their presents etc.

I don't like the sentiment that mil needs to know her place. She is quite entitled to disagree with you and to air her opinion.
She hasn't undermined you to the child, but as the grandparent and someone with years of parenting experience, she has every right to say what she thinks.

I think there’s ways of doing it. My dh really did feel lied to by his mother when he was little when he found out Santa wasn’t real. She really goes to town talking about Santa though. And spinning all kinds of yarns about him. Earnestly telling him stuff and answering all his questions. I was never hurt when I found out as my parents didn’t talk about him THAT much. So for our kids we don’t talk about him much ether, just a little. We do read them books like the Night Before Christmas. Any time my dd asked if he was real we’d say things like “Well a lot of people say he is.” We let them put out cookies and stuff for him and the reindeer. So they believed and really enjoyed it but they didn’t get it from us that much. My dd then found out when she was 6 or 7 that he’s not real. She really persisted on wanting to know from dh so he told her the truth. My ds age 5 still believes. My dd never felt we lied to her and that was really important to dh. I’m glad she believed for a few years though as it does make Christmas feel so magical. I wouldn’t agree with telling kids straight away it was all made up, especially out of consideration for the other kids at school etc