To think this won't ruin Christmas?

[CaterpillarInTheGarden]

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas ). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

*woman

Fun sponge.

Let your kids do kid stuff while they are small enough to enjoy it. They’ll figure it out soon enough - the magic will be gone, they will be tweens and teens and then adults as quick as anything, and you’ll be wishing for that time back.

OP are you objecting on Christian grounds?

I don’t believe in Christmas as the birth of the Son of God. That’s also a fairytale, in my view. Nothing to do with the original midwinter festival. But it’s still a nice story and I see no harm in singing carols, etc.

Why on Earth? I have never been as excited as I was as a child waiting for Father Christmas. Why would you deny your Child that? What a Scrooge

So by you wanting "honesty" your going to make your DC lie for the next 8 years to avoid being "that child" that ruins it for all the other kids at school - great idea 🙄

Thinking about it (although nobody's asked - the wonders of the internet) if he asked me outright I'd tell the truth, I do have a real "thing" about lying to children. Which has led to me having to list what order all pets and family members are likely to die in for my son, several times. Kids are weird.

Not actually based on FC related trauma but I'll never forget the abject betrayal of discovering electron shells were a lie in my first A level chem lesson. Like I said, kids are weird.

I don't ever remember my DS believing in Father Christmas. We didn't actively discourage it but didn't make a big thing out of it.

He is now 17 and has survived.

It's your child so I suppose it's your choice what you tell them and I do think that your MIL is being a bit dramatic but I can't see why you wouldn't let your ds believe in Santa. I remember the excitement of Christmas when I was a child and the letters and visits to Santa and leaving a tray of mince pies & beer out for him was a big part of that. I wasn't harmed in any way by believing in Santa and don't remember feeling any disappointment when I worked out the truth.

Me and dh are all about honesty.Pets have died not gone to a farm etc but messing with xmas is wrong.

We have never done Santa (or the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy...)

It has not ruined Christmas for anyone. It is my favourite time of the year and the DCs are as excited as their "believer" friends.

They have never told their friends either. They don't bring it up either with adults who ask them "What has Santa brought you?".

it is a disgusting festival of greed and over consumption and messes up your finances for the entire year

No, it isn't. Not everyone puts themselves in debt spending thousands of pounds on presents and making pigs of themselves.

Thinking about it (although nobody's asked - the wonders of the internet) if he asked me outright I'd tell the truth,

I did that with both my kids.

Then point blank, told them it woildnt not be nice or kind to tell other children as they may still believe.

Oh my OP you sound a bundle of joy.
My children are 20, 18 and twins that are 13 and believe me we still do all our traditions for Father Christmas even now, before the older 2 go out on Christmas Eve they put out mince pies, carrots and a Baileys for Father Christmas. I still do stockings for them, Christmas Eve boxes. They know Father Christmas is not real but it’s part of our traditions.
When my children found out Father Christmas was not real did they hold it against me for lying to them no of course not, did they need therapy no because it’s magical.

Of course it won't ruin the magic if you don't do Santa! All families make their own Christmas magic.

They will hear loads abut Santa at school etc and you can just passively go along with it. When mine asked if he was real I just said "what do your think?" They both figured it to eventually but one took a LOT longer than the other.

@madcatladyforever if Christmas is leaving people financially ruined for a year then they're doing it wrong! Not everybody feels the need to go out and spend thousands on their DC and get themselves in debt.

Why would you even think about doing that its shit. Some of my best childhood memories are of the magic of believing in Father Christmas

It's not a ridiculous idea, but who uses paper newspaper these days??

I had this dilemmas OP - I hate the whole thing and it makes me really uncomfortable, the lying and all the stress making sure they don't find out, and even worse when people use it as a threat to behave, or say you won't get presents if you don't believe. Ugh!

(And I'm not a fun sponge, and I actually don't mind Santa at all as a fun character - it's just how serious and pole-up-the-arse people get about "the magic of Christmas!" and "spoiling their "innocence"!!!)

But the thing is, everyone around your DC will perpetuate it, and it's a huge part of culture and if you try to "not do it" you'll have an even more confused child. You'll also find that many, many adults take it incredibly seriously and will hate you.

So, by the time mine were aware of Christmas I was going along with it, but I always tried to make it fun and silly rather than A Matter Of Utmost Importance That You Believe. I talked about Santa but in my head, without spelling it out, I was talking about him as a fun fictional character, just like you might talk about a witch or fairies. I never told anyone they had to believe in anything. We did the whole mince pie and carrot thing etc and stockings from santa (not main presents) and the kids enjoyed it. But by age 5/6 their logical minds set in and as soon as they questioned it I didn't lie. i said "it's just a fun christmas story" and we carried on doing all the stuff (still do!) but they know "santa" is really me. Teenager still jokes about Santa coming and that Santa should remember not to fall asleep before doing the stockings etc. I think I've made it as fun as possible without feeling like I've deliberately misled them.

There is the issue of them telling other kids, and I did tell them not to but I suspect they sometimes put their foot in it. But kids do tell each other, that's how it goes. Then their parents start with the "Santa only visits those who believe" and try to spin it out. IMO if you've got to 9/10/11 and still believe (SEN aside) then a few home truths from your peers are probably a good thing.

Never harmed me not believing in Santa. My parents didn't like to lie to me and then have to explain years later why they lied. I suspect they also thought about the fact we couldn't really afford much so I'd maybe think Santa thought I'd been bad, so didn't get many gifts.

What I did like was they asked me to think about whether he might be real, so I did have a choice. They'd have been really disappointed had I been stupid enough to say yes, knowing our fire had a locked door on it and a German shepherd who slept behind the front door therefore no way he could 'magic' himself inside the house.
I really enjoyed being able to stay up late and put the presents under the tree with them on Xmas eve though.

I have only come across one child who was told 'the truth' and it made them so sad and miserable during their pre & primary school years.
As soon as teaching staff were aware that there was an issue the child was removed from the class during christmas activities because he kept telling all the other kids that santa wasn't real and their parents were liars. I was told (as PTA christmas co-ordinator) that the child could not receive a gift from santa or anything else santa related. The child's face was so, so sad because all he wanted was to be with his class mates enjoying the festivities and believe in the excitement and fantasy. The looks on the faces of the kids when santa arrives in their class and talks to each one and knows their name and what they wish for christmas is actually magical (we got the kids to write a letter to santa and did replies the week before santa's visit). It didn't happen for this child - he was removed from the class before santa arrived.

I can understand that you do not wish to 'lie' to your child about things like santa, easter bunny or the tooth fairy but honestly, it does no harm. My DD believed until Y5 but others generally suss it out before but are old enough to keep quiet about it to younger kids.
By being truthful to your child you will be asking your child to lie to their class mates by pretending they believe and then lie after the holidays about what santa brought them. Or your child will be the one excluded from christmas (and easter) because they have been told not to lie but aren't old enough to understand that they can't ruin the 'magic' for other kids.
Perhaps the way forward is a compromise with your Mil and your principles? At 2yrs, your DC isn't fully aware but why not let Mil do a small stocking (buy it yourself so you can limit size) for the next few years and then once DC is 4yrs do one yourself or jointly with Mil? The magic, although horribly commercial, is worth it for those few years of belief. Hope your Mil is reasonable to deal though.

My 15 year old ds still loves doing santa. He has known for about 4 or 5 years that it's made up but he still loves the magic of it. We dont do grotto visits or santa letters but we do Christmas Eve things such as food and drink for Santa, santa sack out, he writes Santa a note in his own teenage sarcastic tone. Then we do the has he came has he not on Christmas morning. We both do it for fun rather than because we believe.

Now I am pregnant again he can not wait to help me make Christmas special for his sibling.

DS2 takes things to heart very much but he is having his first official Christmas as a non believer in Santa this year. He had it sussed out last year but played along. He's naturally outgrown it and doesn't seem traumatised at all. Hopefully he will play along again for his little brother.

I don't think it will outright ruin Christmas, but it does seem like a pretty churlish thing to do.

I agree with your MIL - totally selfish thing to do. Poor kid

I can understand that you do not wish to 'lie' to your child about things like santa, easter bunny or the tooth fairy but honestly, it does no harm.

I disagree. For some it does. Including me. Which is why I wouldn’t risk that for my DD.