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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
NoSauce · 23/09/2019 09:47

I also won’t be teaching my children to lie to their friends and pretend Father Christmas is real either

Great. You’re going to have some explaining to do to some pissed off parents then Hmm

MrsRufusdog789 · 23/09/2019 09:47

@CaterpillarInTheGarden
I think your MIL is being very unreasonable and interfering.
She's going head to head with you on this one and tbh the issue of Santa is secondary. She has no right to tell you both how to bring up your child . There will be other battles like this one and she needs to know her place .
On the whole question of what to tell a child at Christmas there's a world of difference between the story of St Nicholas and the image of Santa in red and white which was after all invented by that soft drinks company we all know .
If you stress the spirit of Christmas and don't sign up to all the hype such as reindeer food , magic keys and all the other consumer rubbish surrounding what for children should be the most exciting day of the year you'll have less to explain to your child in the future .
I would think hard about whether it's worth depriving you child of a bit of magic . It won't scar a child for life to later discover it was Daddy and Mummy who filled the Christmas stocking . I was about 8 when I realised finally - but I kept my mouth firmly shut and enjoyed seeing the excitement of my younger siblings on Christmas morning .

Walkaround · 23/09/2019 09:47

painauchocolat84 - disappointment when you find out the truth?! Nobody ever told me the Tooth Fairy didn't exist. I wasn't disappointed to know in my heart of hearts it was my Dad somehow miraculously managing to prise a tooth out of my sleeping hand and replace it with 50p. Do you not understand the concept of suspension of disbelief? Most children will happily transition from total belief to enjoyment of stringing out the fiction as long as you can get away with it, because it actually brings pleasure to all concerned. Most people just grow out of Father Christmas, rather than going through some dreadfully traumatic experience caused by someone abruptly telling them the truth before they are ready to hear it.

instaglum · 23/09/2019 09:48

Oddboots and thoughtfox, that sounds the same for us! Let them do the imagining!

MrsExpo · 23/09/2019 09:48

There will be quite enough harsh reality in his life as he gets older. For goodness sake let him believe in magic for s bit whilst he’s young. I totally agree with your MiL. She is right and you are quite wrong.

ArtichokeAardvark · 23/09/2019 09:49

There is nothing worse than feeling enslaved and obligated by the whole Xmas thing each year

Good grief. I bet your family are a real joy to know...

OP, I think it's really sad for your children if you decide against Father Christmas - it's harmless and magical. However, your kids, your choice.

But I agree with PP that you would be a bitch of the highest order if you then let your children ruin it for others.

DoYouRememberTheInnMiranda · 23/09/2019 09:49

I woke up when a parent was filling my stocking one year, and it put a bit of a downer on that one Christmas morning. No therapy certainly, but it wasn't the happiest of Christmases. But for most people, I know that is outweighed by the excitement of the believing years.

HavelockVetinari · 23/09/2019 09:50

#TeamMIL

LagunaBubbles · 23/09/2019 09:50

It's a bit of fun and magic for children, I still remember the excitement of believing Santa had come and I'm 48! And no I'm not traumatised fir life after I found out he wasn't real. Can't understand why you would do this but hey its your choice!

ArtichokeAardvark · 23/09/2019 09:50

Also @pumperthepumper I thought the same thing! Grin

Deadringer · 23/09/2019 09:51

I think you can play the whole Santa thing down without actually saying he doesn't exist. It might be difficult for your DC in school if everyone else believes and he doesn't, he may feel excluded. Some kids would take it in their stride but some will feel very left out. You don't have to make a massive fuss about it and santa can just bring something small just for the sake of tradition, we always have the main gifts from us at Xmas and just stuff in the stocking from Santa. If it is important to you stick to your guns though, it's your decision, not your mils or anyone elses.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 23/09/2019 09:51

I actually see where you're coming from. In practical terms though its hard to avoid the Santa thing, nursery whip them into a frenzy over it and every adult you meet after October would need to be primed not to mention it, plus trying to stop them telling friends.

Your MiL is massively over stepping the mark though, in terms of parenting decisions its hardly big deal, calling you selfish and texting you about it is very over involved and judgemental. Also presumably your husband or partner agrees with you so why isn't she harassing him about it. I would try and nip this in the bud now otherwise she will be the same with any decision she disagrees with.

MadameButterface · 23/09/2019 09:51

Who knew santa = decadent consumerism Hmm

You know he can put whatever he likes in stockings right? Apples, oranges, nuts, shiny pennies, chocolate coins, socks, stickers, colouring books, metal straws, certificates saying ‘well done for sponsoring a toilet in sub saharan africa’, it doesn’t have to be all ipads and faberge eggs you know

NoSauce · 23/09/2019 09:51

I think your MIL is being very unreasonable and interfering

Yes. She should have brought it up with her son.

She's going head to head with you on this one and tbh the issue of Santa is secondary

Again, she should have bypassed the OP and spoke to her son about how unfair this is.

It would be interesting to hear his side of this sorry tale.

Heatherjayne1972 · 23/09/2019 09:51

We didn’t do FC Not in a mean way but I never saw he should get the credit for the nice presents when it was me who earned the money and did all the donkey work

We just didn’t mention it much. Went along with it during December when fc was mentioned because they do pick it up from tv and their friends and I’m not totally mean but the rest of the year we talked about the Christmas spirit being in us all
And what a good time it was/is with family and food and parties We do church so that was another thing for us
Just didn’t focus on fc

Think my kids haven’t suffered too much

Figgygal · 23/09/2019 09:51

I don't get why you'd do this and if your kid ruined it for my kid I'd be savage

suggestionsplease1 · 23/09/2019 09:52

Oldboots : "we never told our children that Father Christmas was real and we didn't write letters to him but we put out stockings (that got filled) and let them tell us what they believed happened. It worked for us, I'm not saying it would work for everyone but it worked for us."

This is what I would do if you have specific concerns about lying. I doubt children at a young age will ask their parents if he is real or not, but you can always say you're not sure! I'm 99.999999999% certain God doesn't exist, but can anyone say with full 100% confidence about the existence of any speculative being? Maybe Santa does exist. Grin

Morgan12 · 23/09/2019 09:52

Bah humbug indeed.

EssentialHummus · 23/09/2019 09:52

I'm not sure my opinion "counts" as we're not Christian, but we (out of a desire to have DD not feel left out) talk about Christmas as a very special time, when we see the Panto, when we eat lots of yummy food that we don't eat at other times of the year, when we sing special songs, and choose presents and cards for our friends, and have days off together. And that feels magical enough, frankly! I guess in our case she still gets the tree and presents because of Russian New Year, so there's enough overlap, but we will not be telling her about anyone in red or blue (as the Russians have it) coming round to drop presents off.

pjmask · 23/09/2019 09:52

The idea of telling a child off for telling the truth is abhorrent

Sorry @Boobiliboobiliboo but it's not abhorrent to teach kids tact and sensitivity. They would also presumably be told off for telling a child they were fat or ugly or smelly even if it were true

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/09/2019 09:52

Santa is real. I don't mean a bloke in a red suit taking credit for all the elves hard work... But he is real in lots of other ways. Sort of the embodiment of kindness and festivities that surround Christmas.
Your DC will be exposed to the idea of Santa from external influences so I think it would be pretty unkind to tell a 2yo it wasn't real. But you don't have to go over the top.

AlansLeftMoob · 23/09/2019 09:52

I think you're getting harsh replies here, OP. Not everyone celebrates Christmas.

I found out about Santa at a very young age (maybe 6) when some kids at school told me and it didn't ruin Christmas for me.

The only reason Santa "exists" is to bring presents - there are plenty of other magical things to do at Christmas. Saying you can't have a magical Christmas without Santa is just reducing the entire season down to what the child can ask for or get.

BUT - I do think you'll have a bit of a time on your hands explaining "Santa comes to other children but not to you because he doesn't really exist but you can't tell them he doesn't exist" to your DC especially when they are young, what are you going to say when they see him in a movie or they read a story about him at school or other kids ask what he's bringing?

OP it's your choice, it's your child, just (as others have said) make sure that your child is not in a position where they spoil it for those who do believe.

MrsRufusdog789 · 23/09/2019 09:52

@CaterpillarInTheGarden
And if you decide not to sign up to the Santa Claus team don't worry about anyone else or being unpopular with other parents . That's not a good enough reason at all . There will always be differences of opinion on something .

Prettypumpkin · 23/09/2019 09:52

Aw what a shame. My dd is 4. She does believe but I dont think she will for long, shes just too bright. when shes asked if the Easter bunny is real I've said no, I won't lie when asked directly. She does believe in fairies to which is nice. Shes a sweetie though we went to see some "unicorns" with her friends, she had the while situation sussed straight away but pretended for her friends sake, even at 4yo. Dont spoil it you big meanie

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 09:53

We did Santa AND the kids knew we paid for it. They got one gift from santa. We paid for the rest and he delivered it.

Santa can be done in so many different ways.

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