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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
Itsagrandoldteam · 23/09/2019 09:33

You've obviously never seen the sheer look of joy on a little ones face when they realise Santa has delivered their presents.
You only get 5 to 7 years of them really believing in Santa, please don't take that magic away from them.
Don't forget, they will learn about Santa from school, tv programs and books. You will really confuse them if they are the only ones in their class who don't believe at that age.
As parents we got just as much out of the whole Christmas thing as the kids did.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 23/09/2019 09:33

This. When i worked in an infant school, there were often a coupe of children who knew and they usually took great delight in telling their peers Santa didn't exist. They then got upset when they were told off too

The idea of telling a child off for telling the truth is abhorrent.

Beldon · 23/09/2019 09:33

When thinking of my childhood and my children’s younger years Santa is one of the most exciting things I can remember. I’m sure it would have still been nice getting presents but no where near the same. That excitement where you could burst as you checked if he has been, and see the pile of presents sitting. Things like nursery parties when Santa or ‘santas Helper’ comes along and gives everyone a gift. It’s obviously totally your decision but you are honestly depriving your child of many years of magical memories. Plenty of time as an adult for the boring real life, let kids have excitement of make believe Smile

Mumprobs · 23/09/2019 09:34

Some of my best memories of my childhood are surrounding Father Christmas and how magical everything was! I would let him have a few years of Santa OP, his reactions will be priceless! If you do decide not to though, he may be one of the only children in his class who doesn’t do Santa so you’ll have to explain it one way or another so make sure he doesn’t tell the other children

Justjoinedforthis · 23/09/2019 09:34

I’m on your side, I never had FC as a kid and for me the magic of Christmas was looking down on those gullible fools who believe in him (I was kind of an a-hope as a child). My kids know there’s no Santa, and hasn’t ruined any excitement of Christmas. I think the whole tradition is bullshit, I think especially as I see so many people use it to bribe and try to control bad behaviour, for example saying if you don’t behave then he won’t come. Tweet nonsense!

Willyoujustbequiet · 23/09/2019 09:34

You meanie. The magic of Christmas as a child is one of the most precious things. Why would you deprive your child of that? Setting yourself up for a lifetime of resentment right there

Bellsofstclements · 23/09/2019 09:34

Fun sponge.

It's going to be very hard in coming years to convince a young child not to tell all their friends.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 23/09/2019 09:34

This isn’t a binary thing. You don’t start from there is no Santa! We’ve never outright told DD that. We just never told her there was and let her make her own mind up.

Circe32 · 23/09/2019 09:35

YABVVVU

TurquoiseWeekend · 23/09/2019 09:35

I'm interested to know why you'd do that? Is Christmas not all about the magic for children? I can't wait until my 6 month old is old enough to get it all and to see his face on Christmas morning when Santa has been. Why would you want your child to miss out on that?!

madcatladyforever · 23/09/2019 09:35

I never did it. My son knew the truth right from the beginning.
Christmas isn't "magic" it is a disgusting festival of greed and over consumption and messes up your finances for the entire year.
I made his birthday extra special each year because that is worth celebrating.
He's 40 now and says he never felt like he missed out. Him and his wife are atheists and are not bothered about xmas at all which I think is great.
There is nothing worse than feeling enslaved and obligated by the whole Xmas thing each year.

rosybell · 23/09/2019 09:35

Going against the grain here but I think you should do what is in line with your values. I told my kids the truth when they were pretty young, as they were scared at the idea of a stranger coming into the house at night, and for us it just didnt feel right.

They still love the story of 'Santa', and we usually visit one each year. Christmas is still very magical to them, and we do all if the traditions - eg make reindeer food, hang up stockings. It's just they know it's really us, but honestly it truly is still magical ! It is just a fairytale to them. I think it's fine, if it is your choice. It really wo t ruin christmas.

I also want them to know I will always tell them the truth- so when they asked - I told them and they happily accepted it. But they know not to mention it to other kids.

JetPlanesMeeting · 23/09/2019 09:35

Talk to my 16 and 13 year old sons, they are gutted that they know it is the parents that actually deliver the presents into their stockings. Grin It does remove some of the magic of it when they know. But they still hang up their stockings for Father Christmas all while winking away at us.

But Father Christmas is alive and real and made possible by people joining in the magic, all those parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, those that dress up in a red suit. He may not deliver the presents but he is a magical thing to believe in.

Why would you want to take this away? It is really no effort at all.

Also in primary schools Father Christmas usually visits the Christmas party for at least nursery and reception.

I will be honest, religion aside, parents will absolutely fucking hate you if your child is the one that ruins Christmas for a class of 30 children.

Letthemysterybe · 23/09/2019 09:36

You don’t have to make Santa a big thing. We take a lazy approach! We don’t have any particular Santa stuff we do, like leaving out mince pies or faking footprints. We’ve never bothered to make a thing about which presents are from Santa and which ones are from us. But Santa/Father Christmas is part of Christmas in the uk and he is impossible to avoid. If my kids had been told that he want real then they definitely would have told their friends and spoilt it for them.

Marylou2 · 23/09/2019 09:36

But why would you do that? Santa is a magical part of childhood. Something fun and innocent to look forward to. Stockings by the fire, reading The Night before Christmas, creeping down in the morning. Why deprive your child of this? Team MIL!

Boobiliboobiliboo · 23/09/2019 09:36

Is Christmas not all about the magic for children?

Lots of children don’t celebrate Xmas at all. Hmm

And the magic can come from other places that aren’t founded in absolute untruths.

instaglum · 23/09/2019 09:36

We just sort of don't say anything concrete about it. Rather, I tend to say that we don't know, or that some people say xyz.

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2019 09:36

Can you explain why you wish to do this op? What is your logic here?

Everyone knows when kids are little the magic of Santa Claus is something special. So you must have a reason not to wish your kids to have this magic. What is it?

thethoughtfox · 23/09/2019 09:37

We took the half way approach. We read T'was the Night Before Christmas and talk about FC as a lovely story. We have never actually told dc he is real or pretend that he is or said directly he is not real.

hookiwooki · 23/09/2019 09:37

Is that you Hobbit? Grin

OddBoots · 23/09/2019 09:38

we never told our children that Father Christmas was real and we didn't write letters to him but we put out stockings (that got filled) and let them tell us what they believed happened. It worked for us, I'm not saying it would work for everyone but it worked for us.

Elisheva · 23/09/2019 09:38

Well we haven’t ever told our dc that Father Christmas is real and it hasn’t affected the magic of Christmas one bit for them. Neither have we told them that it’s a ‘lie’, just that it’s pretend, in the same way that the fairies/dragons/unicorns are. They all love Christmas, they write their lists, put out a sack and they leave out a carrot for Rudolf but they are fully aware that it’s all pretend and that we buy the presents for them.
I was brought up in the same way and I loved Christmas, it still felt wonderful and magical, in fact I still get a tiny ‘Christmassy’ tingle in the run up to Christmas.

SoyDora · 23/09/2019 09:38

it is a disgusting festival of greed and over consumption and messes up your finances for the entire year

Not in our house. We ‘do’ Santa, but there is no greed, no over consumption and it certainly doesn’t mess up our finances.

rosybell · 23/09/2019 09:39

Oh god - yes the whole 'Santa cam' business fills me with horror. I actually think people who use Santa to control their kids behaviour are the true 'fun sponges' - not parents who decide to let their kids make their own minds up.

Sparadrap · 23/09/2019 09:39

I agree with your MIL, it seems a really mean thing to do to your child. Believing in the unbelievable is one of the magical things about childhood. It sparks imagination and inspiration.

It all depends on what you want for your child though...