To think this won't ruin Christmas?

[CaterpillarInTheGarden]

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas ). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

After 15 years I rarely get annoyed any more on MN but the posts taking pleasure in excluding small children who are clever enough to work out Santa doesn't exist but not old enough to understand they have to.join in the lying too, are awful and adults should know better.

I knew a family who did this.They didnt want their children to be told things that werent true.Interestingly they were very religious😂😂 .It cant just be Santa but any make believe character whether on T.v or in books.No disney,no tooth fairy only factual reality.How sad.Can you also stop them having imaginations too i.e make believe play ?

Those that questioned this:
What's going to happen at playgroup/nursery/school when Santa comes to bring pressies?
Obviously not done in all schools, but my kids school does still have it for Nursery, P1 and P2. Our Beavers/Rainbows/Brownies all still have a Christmas party with Santa too. And what's religion got to do with Santa??

Erm I think "the spirit of Christmas" is actually celebrating the "birth of Christ" not Santa

The festival is far older than the story of Jesus though. All the major Xmas traditions were stolen from the winter solstice festival.

It’s not a binary thing.

Most parents set out to install a belief in Santa.

Some parents don’t commit to that and let the child come to their own decision about it, based on other, non-parental influences like TV and school.

And fewer still would start from a position of “its absolutely not true and you’re to have nothing to do with it, ever”.

What's going to happen at playgroup/nursery/school when Santa comes to bring pressies?

The same thing that happens now with Jewish/Muslim/other religious children?

Never been an issue for us when Santa has visited playgroups or school.

DD just never believed it was any more than a person dressing up, like the characters at Disney (she’s never been fooled into believing they’re real either, even aged 3).

My children still wait for Santa to come and it's part of the fun. They will be 26,24,23 and 16 this Christmas. Only one lives at home but they come back and hang their stockings on the door - as do dh and I these day as Santa magically finds us!! It's fun!!

Disclaimer am vicar's daughter and usually play organ for midnight mass. Santa magically works his way around this!

When I was small, my parents would take me to the window before Christmas eve, bedtime to see if we could see Santa in his sleigh, then my I would sleep in with my sister as the house was full with relatives staying over. I remember the bubble of excitement, and it was about the presents, we got, a small net stocking with an apple, an orange, chocolate coins, lindt chocolate bears (not like todays ones) and a snowglobe plus a few other smallish gifts, we would wake in the morning excited that he had been and take our stockings into our grandparents bed, and snuggle down opening them with them before my parents woke up and made breakfast.

The magic of santa wasn't about costly expensive gifts, and I still learnt the meaning of Christmas (I was Mary twice in the nativity!) but along with the twinkling fairy lights and spending time with my lovely grandparents and family, santa was all part of the fun. I don't remember when I learnt he wasn't real, but I wasn't devastated, but I do treasure those memories and tried to recreate the same for my own children.

I agree with most of the posters saying let your child believe. However, I could not wait for my kids to find out it was all a sham... by the time the youngest was about 7 I had had enough of creeping round, hiding presents, it was exhausting! So I'm about 50% fun sponge, but then I'd quite happily not bother with Christmas too, it just stresses me out and we are always skint!

How odd.

Sorry but I do agree with MIL.

All that magic, you'll miss out. I think it's a bit sad not to want your child to experience a magical Christmas

Sorry, just my opinion

I honestly don’t understand why any parent would deny the magic of Christmas to their children, and just as importantly, are prepared to gamble the magic for their friends.

I knew someone who did this- they were selfish in many areas- she wanted her kids to know she had bought their gifts and didn’t want an imaginary character getting the credit. Her child told the whole class that the big man wasn’t real (and even that he was a dressed up old man who wanted to kidnap children- She honestly told her kids this) which in turn lead to massive fallouts at nursery to the point that she pulled her kids out of the school. One of the children was waiting for another school place for 2 months!!!! All because she wanted the credit for a couple of pressies!
Big dramas, totally unnecessary.
Santa is real.

Given that all nursery settings, preschools, schools, kids clubs, kids tv programmes etc ALL major on Father Christmas for about 6weeks before Christmas Day, I think you will find it hard.

We don't 'do' Father Christmas with our children; they haven't missed out. And we've always been clear with them that many children do; they have never 'spoiled' it for anyone who does.

I agree with most of the posters saying let your child believe. However, I could not wait for my kids to find out it was all a sham... by the time the youngest was about 7 I had had enough of creeping round, hiding presents, it was exhausting! So I'm about 50% fun sponge, but then I'd quite happily not bother with Christmas too, it just stresses me out and we are always skint!

How exhausting could it be? Don't you hide presents anyway even if they're from you? Don't you still keep the gifts a surprise for Xmas morning?

We ‘played’ Father Christmas, still do and my children are in their twenties and thirties. I didn’t want to exploit the innocence of my children by lying to them but loved the joy of a make-believe game so it was made clear to my children it is all a fantasy and our traditions have endured to adulthood.
For me this practice has been far more magical than my own experience of being told that Father Christmas is coming to the Christmas party and the realisation that Wally the club secretary is pretending to be him and then feeling guilty because you’re not supposed to know it’s all a bizarre lie.
Your mother in law has had her turn making parental decisions, she should have the dignity to respect and support yours. Her personal attacks are awful.

I told my daughter that presents were from her family and friends. I worked with impoverished families who had barely enough food and clothes. Christmas for these parents and children was especially difficult. The belief that Santa only brings presents to "good" girls and boys equates poverty with morality. The magic of Christmas is a hoax for poor families.

I think being rude to you is totally unnecessary. Both MIL and some people on here are out of order.
I personally love Christmas and l dont know how you will pull it off, it could cause problems within friendship groups.

Only you can figure this out, l wish you well.

I was forced to tell my DD the truth when she was 6 as she was absolutely terrified of the concept of an old fat man coming into her house while she was asleep

I had tried to make it magical but the terror tantrums and anxiety over it was just mean and I would have been a worse parent trying to protect everyone else’s children’s magic whilst upsetting my own

She never told anyone else the ‘truth’ because she did understand that other children did like it and believe. She never told DD2 who believed until she was 9 or 10

DD knows there’s no Father Christmas and it has never ruined Xmas. Without directly having to say there is no Santa, she worked it out and we confirmed it.
I’d rather my child be able to discern fantasy from reality but it’s ok because she still enjoys Christmas stories, movies, traditions and even meeting 🎅 at fairs and shopping malls. We even fill Xmas stockings with gifts from father Xmas even though she knows it’s us.

Obviously there are all sorts of hoops to jump through - and maybe some kids getting more from their Santa than others is an issue - but most get some from FC and some from families, and I'm sure they don't compare notes until really quite old. Ours get stockings and some fun presents from him, most big stuff is from family members. But you have to work at it - use different wrapping paper and labels than all the other presents, - and most of all REMEMBER which things were from the big man and which were from you...!

I've said things to my DD like 'Oh those are the pants I got you last year' in Tescos - and she says, no they were from FC! (Despite the F&F label.....) It's a nightmare! But all good fun and the kids love it, why wouldn't you? We put hay out for the reindeer and one time DH forgot to empty the haynet overnight, cue lots of distraction while he sneaked out in the morning.....

OK - so I'm giving fuel to the idea that it's for parents - but it is so magical, and with all the build up now with santa trackers and you can get free videos from the portable north pole site, it's just wonderful. Why deprive yourselves or your DS?

Btw - FCs in grottos etc are actually just peoples dads dressed up, as are the elves. Or you get real problems with them being in two places at once and looking different. And it's not necessarily magic how he gets around the world - just science that we don't quite understand yet....[grin}.

Am I overinvested? Hell yes!!

@spanglydangly

You just wrap them up straight away but they are not secretly hidden as well. I continued hiding all of mine until they were older at my mums house but it was a huge PITA I was also relieved to become a Santa free house in the end

But all that aside - obviously it's your choice but I agree with others it could be tricky to get DS to keep quiet in front of other children. A friend's lad was starting to suspect aged about 6, and mentioned in front of some younger kids that it might not be true - and another Mum went ballistic! A lot start to wonder about then and they often work it out for themselves over the next few years - but if your DS knows at 3 or 4 he probably won't have the boundaries to say nothing!

You may want your child to know the truth but what about when the blab to their friends. I would be seriously pissed if your kid spoilt it for for one of mine because you decided to be a Scrooge. Keep the magic alive for your child and their friends please. It’s such a magical time for kids.

Childhood is such a short time, and the magic associated with their imaginations is unique

Indeed. I relish this, and we have no need of the ersatz, templated kind, confirmed by fake videos and granted gifts, and so easily shattered by the mere thought of another child talking about a different story. We'll make our own magic, thanks - and won't insult anyone else by insisting that their lives are less rich and joyful without our version of heaven.