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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas ). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/09/2019 19:55

There is so much out there about Santa, peppa pig specials, Ben and holly specials, talked about at school, Santa specials at various leisure and learning attractions, Santa trains, endless grottos etc etc, it’s difficult to not do Santa tbh.

We did Santa with dd and it was really magical and a lot of fun for dh and me. So sweet and the most magical of anything we did. I understand the apprehension but it is also a great for the imagination because the children have to fill in the gaps.

I told my dd a few months before Christmas last year that Santa isn’t real. She’d asked in the past and I’d skirted round it but at 10 I thought it was time to say. A lot of kids still believed or said they did, although some with older siblings had expressed serious doubts at about 7. She asked me loads of questions about past presents, where I’d bought them because some things were a bit different, personalised things etc. I gave her truthful answers and about 2 weeks later, she decided Santa is real and I didn’t argue with her. So age 11 and at secondary, Santa is real. 😁

LovePoppy · 24/09/2019 19:55

It’s fascinating how personally everybody here is taking us. Just because one person chooses not to, doesn’t mean everybody else has to do the same.

As far as children being ostracized for not believing the same thing, what do you do with people from different religions? My God everybody is so sheltered

momtoboys · 24/09/2019 19:58

I agree that is sounds like the trendy thing to say/do. Pretentious, for sure. Why would you ruin the whimsy and magic feeling that Father Christmas brings to children? I hope my sons marry someone with more sense.

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 19:59

I agree that is sounds like the trendy thing to say/do

Must inform my parents they were trendsetters. They’ll be thrilled

spanglydangly · 24/09/2019 20:01

@Boobiliboobiliboo so you'd agree that due to your life experiences that your view is skewed? That's also the biggest drip feed ever from your original post.

user1476013826 · 24/09/2019 20:02

Oh! What a shame to spoil his fun. Is there a particular reason you feel the need to do that. I told my children when THEY decided to know and asked me. They were quite old actually as there were children at school spoiling it for them but they enjoyed the magic of Christmas that they ignored those children.

Notnownotneverever · 24/09/2019 20:02

Yeah I think you are being a bit mean taking away that fun for your child for no sensible reason. Also your child will tell all the other children they encounter and spoil it for all those families too. What is the point?

SoyDora · 24/09/2019 20:03

Boobiliboobiliboo your childhood sounds awful, I’m sorry you experienced that.
You do realise that the vast majority of children won’t have your particular set of circumstances though?

simiisme · 24/09/2019 20:08

Yeah, let's destroy all the magic.
Read them only factual books.
Tell them we all die one day.
Part of the joy of small children is their belief in magic - seeing their little faces light up in wonder.
Weird not to want that.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 24/09/2019 20:08

We are a family that doesn’t ‘do’ Santa in the popular way. We tell our two that it’s a Christmas game we can play if they want, and lots of people play and part of the game is pretending for other people. If they don’t want to join in the holiday continues exactly as it always does, we just don’t mention Santa.
It’s never been a big deal, I don’t know why people make it one?

twinklenicci · 24/09/2019 20:09

Do you really want to be the mother of THAT child in the class who tells all nursery/reception that Santa isn't real and ruins it for all those children ?
Fair enough if you can 100% know your children aren't going to blab it out , but they are children and it is going to happen .

Tubs11 · 24/09/2019 20:10

OP, did you have Santa when you were younger? Christmas was big in our house, from the magical lights of the tree, to the big fella, mass, amazing dinners and lots of guests over the festive season. When I was told he wasn't real it didn't really bother me or my siblings and over the years have exchanged funny stories of how we were duped by our parents. Lifetime of memories I say for a little white lie. :-)

Pol16 · 24/09/2019 20:11

‘It's not an absolute untruth. Santa is the spirit of Christmas, of giving and sharing and spending time with the ones you love. In this house anyway. I think that's a pretty great thing to celebrate, and I believe in it wholeheartedly. The man in the red coat and hat with a white beard is symbolic of that.’

This is exactly my philosophy. So glad to find someone who feels the same.

myself2020 · 24/09/2019 20:12

Many people seem to have very, very strange ideas how other people live without Santa in their life. we don’t shout to our kids on a daily basis “Sant doesn’t exist! surprise!”. they just grow up knowing that this is something some people believe, some don’t. just like god, allah, krishna, ...
it doesn’t come as a surprise to them, so there is no need to tell their friends. the kids who tell everybody are the ones who discovered it wasn’t true - so your kids!

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/09/2019 20:14

@Boobiliboobiliboo
I’m sorry you had such a difficult childhood.

I have written a lot on here about my childhood and my difficult and at times abusive relationship with my family. I was devastated when I found out about Santa. It was done in a spiteful way by my sibling. It shattered me because I didn’t feel unconditional love in my family and I felt stupid, ashamed, embarrassed and vulnerable.

I wrote a little upthread about my experience with dd. She’s the one, who has decided she still believes despite being categorically told otherwise. Obviously dd isn’t me. Had she been really upset, I would have ensured she didn’t feel stupid, ashamed, embarrassed and vulnerable because I’m her mummy and that’s my job. As is, she didn’t and I think a good part of this is because she feels secure in herself and loved unconditionally.

myself2020 · 24/09/2019 20:15

@twinklenicci in my son’s class, about 4-5 kids do the whole santa thing. the others are hindu, muslim, humanists, or christians from other backgrounds. they don’t do santa, but they also respect that some do. nothing ruined for anybody.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/09/2019 20:28

myself2020
Dds friend is Muslim and dd has known her since she was about 5, so no Santa for her. She just didn’t ever talk about it as you say.

LovePoppy
People have a choice to do as they please. I find it a very difficult choice for the parents if it isn’t for cultural or religious reasons because so much of Santa and Christmas made of it here in the uk. I’m not upset personally. Now that I know what it is to have a child, who believes, the question i struggle to find an answer to is why would you deny that wonderful experience to yourself.

Cherrysherbet · 24/09/2019 20:29

That would be a really mean thing to do to a little child. Are you sure you’re not doing it to wind mil up? ‘Cause that would also be really mean.

myself2020 · 24/09/2019 20:31

@Mummyoflittledragon your child chose to believe, as is her right. if mine had chosen, i would have supported them as well in it. But not giving the choice is a bit doubtful in my mind.

maddiemookins16mum · 24/09/2019 20:33

Blimey, Christmas and the whole Santa thing lasts for just a few years really, say 3-10. Enjoy it while you can. Once they hit 16 they’ll be wanting to stay in bed all Christmas day anyway.

transformandriseup · 24/09/2019 20:37

My mum firmly told me there was no F.C. just before my 5th Birthday. She had never really done Santa with her family and had already found the previous Christmases hard going. I insisted on continuing to believe but I bitterly resented her for it as I felt some of my innocence had been taken away especially as some of my friends never found out until several years later. I’m all for being honest with children but make believe and fantasy is a part of growing up.

Dilligaf81 · 24/09/2019 20:40

I knew the truth and it did take magic away, it was just a day when we met with family and exchanged gifts but none of the magic build up. Now I'm a mum we absolutely do the whole santa thing. The older dcs keep it alive for my youngest by doing the whole elf on the shelf thing and love that they want her to have a magical time.

I think your mil is being a bit dramatic, it's your child your choice but if you were my friend who said they were going to do this I'd be perplexed as surely is doesn't hurt anyone? In fact the exact opposite and give plenty of people joy.

OJZJ · 24/09/2019 20:50

Pol16 Erm I think "the spirit of Christmas" is actually celebrating the "birth of Christ" not Santa .....

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 20:53

Erm I think "the spirit of Christmas" is actually celebrating the "birth of Christ" not Santa

In essence it’s very similar.

A generous gift to the world. Unasked for, not necessarily deserved, offered by a mysterious unseen presence.

user1573354 · 24/09/2019 20:54

I never believed in father Christmas. My Asperger's brother told me from the off when I was 3. Christmas was still absolutely magical. We still got stockings on our bed, there was just no pretence they were from anyone else but our parents. We still visited grottos. I don't think I ruined it for anyone. Consequently I didn't want to lie about it with my own children. My dd1's dad (my ex) disagreed though so we compromised and I said I wouldn't outright lie but I'd play along and the moment she asked me I'd tell the truth. She asked me at 3 or 4, and I told her the truth, she was absolutely fine about it. However, when I had her younger sibling she was 9, and she was adament I'd done the wrong thing and wanted to do father Christmas for her younger siblings. I took her point of view on board and do it with the younger ones. Wish I hadn't, because one of them is extremely naive and gullible and I think will be the type to be heartbroken by the truth.

With dd1, I had the same situation as you. Had one person tell me if was tantamount to child abuse . Also followed up by messaging me a week later to say I hope I'd given it some thought and changed my mind. With those kind of responses from people and DD being sad about it when she was older I caved.

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