Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
GreySheep · 24/09/2019 19:15

Personally I loved the years DD believed. It made it so much more exciting for her than after she found out. However the choice is yours.

What I would point out though is that your feelings of wanting to spite your MIL are directly impacting your child and how they will celebrate. I fully understand wanting to spite her too. I loathe my MIL Grin

I think you should truly decide what YOU want to do - and do that. Not decide what your MIL wants and do the opposite. Otherwise you’re giving her way too much power over your parenting.

As a PS, I would point out that your child might encounter some issues if they don’t believe when many peers do. Despite us wanting it not to matter, solidarity with peers in the primary years often does matter a lot. Just food for thought.

Teacher22 · 24/09/2019 19:17

You can’t think a small child could keep this a secret from the other children, surely? If you ruin Christmas for them their parents will not be pleased.

SantaClausLives · 24/09/2019 19:18

Look, I don’t want to muscle in on this thread, but Jack Frost and The Sandman told me that I really, really have to say something. Apparently the folks over at NORAD are worried about what will happen to their latest request for funds if I don’t make some sort of presents felt ... get it ... presents!

No? Bah!

Anyway, the team hear have been confused over this misconception that your failure to believe in us means that we don’t have to believe in you. I wish it were that simple ... some folk here even think that we should actively not believe in you and are even asking about a referendumdum or whatever it is. I’ve seen the mess you’ve made of yours and want nothing to do with it. We will keep believing in you, no matter what.

And that is the pleasure of magic ... belief is at the heart of it, whether that be the magic of believing or the ability to suspend belief and imagine the magical nature of things. Magic can take many forms and no one size fits all (though Mrs Claus says there is only one size that fits me and keeps waving some celery at me ... the Easter Bunny keeps saying it is a reference to an old BBC sitcom in wartime France and keeps nudging me and winking at me as if we were in a Minty Pylon sketch. What? Oh ... apparently that is meant to be Monty Python. It’s bound to be about sex in some way ... these jokes usually are!)
But belief is not the be all and end all. Fun is an important part of it too and you don’t have to believe in me to have fun.
People say that I am imagined ... a small seed ... created ... cultivated and nurtured ... managed and manipulated from my early days all the way up to right now. That sounds a heck of a lot like growing up to me!
Yes, I will bring gifts. To some it is a gift of a smile, to others it is something more tangible. It is always done with the help and support of others and that will never change.
For those who don’t want me to bring gifts, then fine. I’m sure you will do your own best in your own way, for your own celebrations.
And that is the core of it. Celebrate the way you want and need to celebrate. There are lots of opportunities to do this in so many ways ... the Tooth Fairy promises never to sell your DNA to data mining houses that will give a back door to Governments. Jack Frost will continue to find ways to make science and nature provide pretty patterns, whilst supporting the repeated messages to those on the road that they need to slow down in icy conditions and increase stopping distances. The Easter Bunny was creased over with the idea that Malteasers are her poo ... they grow on trees ... and I’m sure you can guess what is used for fertiliser... yes, reindeer crap!
So there is magic in the imagination of things ... and the greatest gift that any of us over here have given you is the sparks for your own imagination.
It gives drive to inventors, it provokes wonder through actors and authors, it dazzles us on canvas and screen, it amazes us each night we dream.

So, OP, play it whichever way you and your OH see fit, knowing your own children and the life you hope they will lead. I hope I get to play a part and happy to help you on the way, but if not ... I’m sure there will be dreams enough to give you all smiles.

Oh, Jack O’Lantern says he will send a poltergeist though.

Darkrainbowsquid · 24/09/2019 19:18

Who does this? There is very little magic left for children in this world. Christmas should be magic for all children.

Nanalisa60 · 24/09/2019 19:19

What do you mean there is no Santa!!

But he does only bring one present per child as there is only enough room in that magic sleigh for one present per child in the world!!

All other presents come from family and friends!!

Jodie626 · 24/09/2019 19:19

I didn't believe in santa from a young age because we were poor and I got no presents. I would have loved to believe in him and have magical moments of seeing santa and being excited. Children grow up too fast, let him enjoy the magic of Christmas. No one grows up thinking 'wow cant believe my mum lied to me about santa'. They think ' wow I had lovely Christmas times as a child'.

Cookies2015 · 24/09/2019 19:22

I am very open with my daughter but I have to say as even a realist I let her have santa. It's what makes Christmas magical. However he only brings the stocking in my house and all the other presents are who they are from. I want her to understand the value of people taking the time thought and effort of getting her a gift and therefore being able to say thank you to them. Maybe find a way that suits you that you can still have santa but he has restrictions haha

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 19:23

You can’t think a small child could keep this a secret from the other children, surely?

Why?

If you ruin Christmas for them their parents will not be pleased

I mean maybe therein is the issue with FC. If it is the means to make or break a Christmas then there’s something wrong IMO.

JerryGiraffe · 24/09/2019 19:28

YABU, to me it's tantamount to stealing a magical part of your little one's childhood. We have had some fantastic fun times around Santa, fairies and other magical childhood folk. You also lose a major bargaining tool too 😂 ! In all seriousness I would reconsider, you MIL means well and I think she has a valid point here. Once you told your child you can't go back, and you run the risk of being lynched by other parents if your DC drop the bomb in school. Life is short and childhood even shorter, let your child be a child

Serin · 24/09/2019 19:29

You misery.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 24/09/2019 19:31

We have had some fantastic fun times around Santa, fairies and other magical childhood folk.

Did you try to make it seem that fairies were real year after year? Keep talking about it? Get others to say the same?

TypingoftheDead · 24/09/2019 19:32

I don't believe in lying to children when they are better served by the truth than a white (or otherwise) lie - but in my mind, that would tend to be for more serious reasons like a loved one is dying etc.
Telling them Santa exists isn't in that league.
I can see it from your point of view, I agree honesty is usually the best course, but if I ever had kids (I'm not planning to) I'd probably be on your MIL's side because I do think it adds a special something to Christmas and I've never heard of anyone's life being wholesale ruined by believing in Santa or even finding out he's not real.

Luckybe40 · 24/09/2019 19:33

Honestly, who does this? My 5 yr old and 7 yr old absolutely believe and they talk about him all the time these days, it’s part of the magic of childhood! You’d have to be pretty mean & miserly to take that away from them! Seriously! Put your child first instead of yourself!

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 19:36

You’ve done a massive public service OP, there’s so many parents patting themselves on the back at their totes superior parenting skills right now Grin

scubadive · 24/09/2019 19:38

Are you saying this just to wind up MIL or are you really such a FUN SPONGE.

I wonder what other fun you will sponge out of your DC’s life?

LovePoppy · 24/09/2019 19:39

You’re the parent.
You make the decisions

Your mil doesn’t want you to ruin the magic for her
She wants to relive the “glory days”

spanglydangly · 24/09/2019 19:40

@Boobiliboobiliboo you won't change the world, that's hilarious to think you might! I'm glad it's not going to happen, your child won't be flying to the moon! Your child is no better than the rest..... dream on!

All your angst about Santa is quite literally ridiculous, you held a grudge for years for something most parents do? Now that's not critical thinking at all! You are not able to deal with it rationally, you needed £100000s of counselling.

Summersunshine2 · 24/09/2019 19:42

@SantaClausLives
Thank you for taking the time to post Saint Nicholas

scubadive · 24/09/2019 19:43

Reading more of your posts you are clearly looking at ways you can get back at your MIL and exert your control over her by using your child as a weapon.

Poor child and what a self focused person you are, you care more about getting one over your MIL than your own child’s feelings.

SantaClausLives · 24/09/2019 19:49

@Summersunshine2 you are very welcome. Apparently I have a tendency to go on a bit so I hope it wasn’t too long ....

Then again, I’m not one to beat about the bush... more a case of prevaricating around the privet!

Putthekettleonplease · 24/09/2019 19:49

That is so mean of you. Your poor kids!

Boobiliboobiliboo · 24/09/2019 19:49

All your angst about Santa is quite literally ridiculous, you held a grudge for years for something most parents do? Now that's not critical thinking at all! You are not able to deal with it rationally, you needed £100000s of counselling.

My parents lying to me about a dead brother and my murdered best friend, all before the age of 6 didn’t help, no. They thought it was “for the best”. It wasn’t.

It wasn’t for the best to lie to me about seemingly other small things either, or to force me to continue their lie to “protect” my sister for years.

But yes, about £1k worth of counselling was enabling me to talk about and engage with Xmas at all. Thanks for understanding that not everyone has the same experiences as you. Hmm

MiniMum97 · 24/09/2019 19:50

I didn't do Santa with my DS as my mum didn't do it with me as she thought it was "lying to your child" - she had been devastated when she found out. Oddly she did the tooth fairy with me and I did that with DS also - Obviously we didn't think this one through very well!!

However my DS turned around to me when he was school age and asked me why Santa didn't like him as he never brought presents. I recovered that one quickly by asking him where he thought all his stocking presents came from and we did Santa after that.

Presumably he stopped believing at some point as he's now 22 and pretty sure how no longer believes in Santa 😬 Him working it out was obviously a non issue as I can't remember it happening. And when we started doing it Santa was quite fun so I would just go for it.

Mummyshark2019 · 24/09/2019 19:51

You are being unreasonable. Agree with your mother in law.

mellicauli · 24/09/2019 19:54

My mum didn’t do the Father Christmas thing. I still loved Christmas. I still had the lights, the tree, the carols, presents, pants, parties, cards, advent calendar, family, food. It was plenty (But not the stocking - and I was a bit bitter about that)

Swipe left for the next trending thread