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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 18:04

Ok I'm going to do a handy checklist for all those posters whose experience is so minute they can't for a minute imagine things being done another way.

No I never believed in Father Christmas
No my childhood wasn't ruined
No I haven't turned to drugs or alcohol addiction
No I didn't hate my parents
Yes I had an utterly magical childhood
Yes I look back on Christmas with utter adoration
Yes we were able to celebrate without Father Christmas
Yes the memories I have are utterly magical
No we didn't ruin it for other children.

Has that about covered it?

Disneyinmyveins · 24/09/2019 18:04

We tell our kids that mum and dad pay Santa which means then they understand it what we can afford and not some magic person who rewards you by spending loads of money etc. It works for us and keeps their expectations realistic

adviceseeker1975 · 24/09/2019 18:07

Why would you even THINK of doing this? Sorry to judge but what a fun parent you’re going to make. I assume there’ll be no Easter Bunny and no Tooth Fairy too.

Rubbleonthedouble1 · 24/09/2019 18:08

I agree with your MIL I’m afraid. It spoils some of the magic I think!

choli · 24/09/2019 18:11

Religious reasons would be the only excuse for it imo.
Not wanting to turn Christmas into a giant greed festival seems like a good reason to me.

Ukelelegal · 24/09/2019 18:12

We do not celebrate Christmas, the 25th Dec is any other day to us, as Jews. I'm saddened to see that the majority of posters think that we are ruining their children's entire childhoods by not conforming to their religious practices. Apparently it is selfish to not celebrate Christmas or talk of Father Christmas, yet what is more selfish, that or expecting entire groups of people, millions of people! who follow other religions to change because you all think it's wrong, and cruel and heartless?
It's sad that you cannot celebrate a time of love, and being together and family without having to have this fictional character involved. Isn't that what Christmas is supposed to be about for Christians? Celebrating the birth of a figure in your religious beliefs? Do not blame my children for anything your child feels if they ask mine what they got for Christmas and they respond with nothing we don't celebrate it. My children have still had a very magical and loving childhood without the addition of Father Christmas. It's something so small and insignificant and you are getting nasty over it to other people. Talk about Christmas spirit... Let people raise their children how they see fit, MN is full of people indignant over others telling them how to raise their children yet here is a prime example of MNers doing just that.

Rtruth · 24/09/2019 18:12

I think it’s difficult to expect a child to understand when all their friends will be discussing it.

I’m an atheist and struggled with this decision, but why spoil childhood happiness?

Laura221 · 24/09/2019 18:14

I get where your coming from. We dont really do the whole Santa thing, and elf on the shelf shit is taking it way to far in my opinion. We have been to see santa ect but kids aren't obsessed with it and that's not what we centre Christmas around. We tell them that we send money to Santa for their presents as well.

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 18:15

Not wanting to turn Christmas into a giant greed festival seems like a good reason to me.

How much you get has very little to do with how you present Santa.

TooTrusting · 24/09/2019 18:15

@Ukelelegal
I don't think anyone is criticising non-Christian-origin families and communities for not doing FC. That's a bit of a leap.

Ukelelegal · 24/09/2019 18:16

@Belgianbuns do you feel sorry for all the Muslim, Jewish etc. Kids too?
@Busybusybust everyone who isn't Christian so doesn't celebrate the holiday is a loser are they?
How bigoted of the pair of you

MrsFrankDrebin · 24/09/2019 18:16

There is a middle way with Father Christmas. We never did 'a stocking from Santa' or specific 'presents from Santa', but at the same time we never really said he wasn't real.

We just embraced 'Christmas' (and, as Christians, that included going to church') and our families respected our way.

Even if I had my time again in this more modern world (my children are now in their 20s) I would still follow the same path, and I do think this whole 'stocking/presents specifically from Santa' is unnecessary.

You can embrace Christmas without going that far.

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 18:17

It's sad that you cannot celebrate a time of love, and being together and family without having to have this fictional character involved.

You can do all those things. The cultural tradition of Santa is an addition that many value highly.

Try not to be so dismissive of other people’s culture.

browneyes77 · 24/09/2019 18:17

I think your MIL’s reaction is a bit OTT, but I also think you’re a bit mean for wanting to tell your child that FC isn’t real.

My parents never went out of their way to make a big deal out of Father Christmas. So nobody dressing up or anything like that.

We knew FC was coming with the pressies but we also knew those pressies were off family and FC was just delivering them. (I’d leave a mince pie/carrot etc out that mom would just put back in the packet Grin)

By the age of 4 I’d already sussed that Father Christmas didn’t exist. I think my suspicions were aroused when I saw Santas beard falling off whilst I was sitting on his knee in a grotto we visited. My mom has a great picture of me looking very quizzical at his beard while he was smiling away at the camera GrinGrin

I confirmed my suspicions one night by pretending to be asleep and watching my mom put the presents out Grin

I wasn’t distraught. I was happy and smug that I’d been proved right Grin

TooTrusting · 24/09/2019 18:18

"Let people raise their children how they see fit, MN is full of people indignant over others telling them how to raise their children"
But the OP asked for opinions!!!!

Greenmarmalade · 24/09/2019 18:21

Whatever you decide... don’t do the elf!

discusstin · 24/09/2019 18:22

I'm in my forties and for religious reasons I was told that the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the man in the moon, you name it...were all lies.

I missed out completely, I desperately wanted to be like the other children. My mother even made someone a Santa costume so that he could surprise my little friend. I remember how horrible that felt.

Now, years later, my dream holiday would be to search for Santa in Lapland.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 24/09/2019 18:23

I assume there’ll be no Easter Bunny and no Tooth Fairy too.

DD was horrified at the thought of anyone taking her teeth. She’s stored them all in a jar ready to do experiments on when she’s older.

And no Easter bunny because we don’t celebrate Easter (or really Xmas for that matter).

Nonnymum · 24/09/2019 18:23

Why don't you want your children to believe in father Christmas? It's a lovely part of Xmas. You don't have to make a big thing of it but my DC always got a stocking from father christmas and presents from family. I think my DS cottoned on quite soon it was just a story but we still gave stockings from Santa because it is part of the fun of Christmas.

CherryPavlova · 24/09/2019 18:25

I now a couple of families who have never used Father Christmas to bring presents. They were both very religious so for them celebrating revolved around the birth of Christ.
If no Father Christmas and no Jesus then what are you celebrating?
Feels incredibly mealy mouthed and joy sucking to me.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 24/09/2019 18:25

Sorry to judge

No you aren’t. Hmm

but what a fun parent you’re going to make

Because going along with everyone else’s fairytales is so much more fun than creating your own? Okay!

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 18:26

If no Father Christmas and no Jesus then what are you celebrating?

Family, love, happiness.

Tubbymummy44 · 24/09/2019 18:26

Ultimately it is your choice (and DH/P) but it seems cruel. Christmas is all about the children. It's about the joy of seeing how excited they get. They believe all sorts of crap you tell them about it, and its wonderful. I was heartbroken when I found out Santa wasn't real. So will you not do Easter bunny, tooth fairy either? My children are so excited about all these magical made up things.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 24/09/2019 18:27

If no Father Christmas and no Jesus then what are you celebrating?

Winter solstice. The festival stolen (violently) by those lovely Christians.

Lifeover · 24/09/2019 18:27

No no no. Your kid will miss out on the magic, other parents will hate you when your kid tells their 3 year old the truth. You will be labelled as THAT parent

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