To think this won't ruin Christmas?

[CaterpillarInTheGarden]

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas ). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

choli- most schools still have Santa and those of other religions join in too because they respect the Christianity of their friends even though Santa isn't really much to do with Christianity. Similarly, children bring in sweets for Eid, we light candles for Divali etc. Respect goes all ways not just one!
So if they can do that without bursting any child's Santa bubble why so much concern about the OPs child ruining Christmas for the other kids?

I have never pushed Santa i think its ridiculous that adults get so werid about kids beleiving or not beleieving im not a christmas lover as i have 3 jobs all year to give my child a good life and some ramdon man in a suit appears one night a year and gets all the credit so she knows he doesnt buy stuff and my money pays for it
Its not up to your mil i would tell her sadly for her its not her child so youll be doing what you wany
But i do question afults that shout in kids faces about being so excited for santa and start talking about it in september

Sorry OP you sound horrible! Why would you even think of it? Get a grip on yourself. Actually feel sorry for your DC if they have to grow up minus the magic

Someone i work with did this and her kids told everyone at school and spoilt it. Let your kids enjoy the magical xmas thing. Why would you want to do that it really is beyond me. I do think it is selfish. Kids grow up too quick now adays. Let them have some fun

I feel so sorry for the posters who are only able to help their children experience the magic of childhood through Father Christmas.

Must make several months of the year very boring where you are

Well, clearly Father Christmas is an old school leftie and doesn't believe in private schooling Jacques!

You mean Santa’s not real!😧

Long as everyone nos youve paid for xmas and its all about you and how hard youve worked thats good. 🎄🎄🎅🎅Wouldnt do to let old santy take the credit. Have you reread what you wrote. Get a grip victor meldew

Baguetteaboutit

Interstingly the school actually sends a letter out when you get to Christmas for the first time explaining to parents the reason they don't do it is because everyone has such different ideas of how Father Christmas would work, it is much less likely to cause confusion and distress if they get a present saying "Happy Christmas from school". Then parents can deal with presents at home as they wish.

Far more sensible than a number of posters on this thread

First of all, your MIL should not be criticizing your parenting in this way. She can say she disagrees with you, but not call you 'a very selfish woman' and the like. Secondly, there's a lot in between trying to make children believe in Santa and omitting him altogether. Thinking back to my own childhood: my parents did tell me about Father Christmas, told me stories about him, took me to see him at the grotto, etc. but it was all done in a somewhat playful way, without telling me that it must be true. A bit like Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother - I didn't literally believe in them, but I would have found someone a bit of a bore if they'd gone out of their way to tell me, 'You know Cinderella doesn't exist!' Ultimately, it's the parents' choice what to do about Father Christmas and how far to take the story. I doubt that any child was ever really harmed either by believing in Father Christmas or not believing him, unless it was combined with a general tendency to control the child through deceit on the one hand, or a complete discouragement of playfulness and imagination on the other.

I just asked my youngest (who only just found out 'the truth' before entering secondary school) and he said 'what, do people really do that? That's sad'
I think the same. Religious reasons would be the only excuse for it imo.
I've had as much if not more pleasure from Father Christmas than the children over the years. The fun & wonder we've witnessed couldn't ever be replicated in a house without that magic.

Santa was never mentioned to us by our parents (my sister and I), we picked up on it from other kids and my parents just nodded and smiled along. They never told us he was real or that he wasn't real, we just went off what other children say. We also didn't write lists and what we got were mostly surprises, as our family knew us well enough to get things we liked. I do the same (no list of what she wants) with my DD now and it takes a lot of the pressure off and she's happy with what she's given. We put out that glitter and oat reindeer food last year (but won't be leaving a Mince pie out purely because the cat will eat it within seconds ). We all have our own traditions.

We know a few families who don't do Christmas at all as they're Jewish and it hasn't scarred any of our children. The world doesn't revolve around kids who do celebrate Christmas and/or believe in santa. Suggesting that anyone who doesn't take part in these traditions is cruel and ruining their childhood, and even "why did you even have kids" is ridiculous and overtly Christian-centric.

I feel so sorry for the posters who are only able to help their children experience the magic of childhood through Father Christmas.

I don’t think anyone’s saying that’s the only way they help their children experience magic.

It’s one of many ways. A particularly powerful one for many posters.

Pick another battle with your MIL. Don’t spoil childhood for your little one just to get one up on her!!!!

I agree with MIL. Christmas is for children and Santa is part of the magic.

I don’t think anyone’s saying that’s the only way they help their children experience magic

Read 80% of the comments!

It’s one of many ways. A particularly powerful one for many posters

Imagine being so eminently arrogant you think your way is the only way.

I find it sad that so many people equate the magic of christmas with santa.
Christmas in our house is magical, without santa. we show love, family and have presents that people select for each other because they love each other.
On monetary tight years, we don’t go into debt as everybody knows where the presents come from. we don’t have to explain why santa didn’t bring as much. no pressure, no stress

Clearly I am in the minority here but I agree with you . That said my children were happy to go along with the whole idea of it - it's just that I never fooled them into thinking that it's actually true. Looking back I don't think any of my friends ever believed it and I don't think I ever did - it's a fun story .

I have fantastic and magical memories of Father Christmas. My parents did such a good job of it I believed until I was nearly 10! I'd feel really cheated now if my parents hadn't "lied" to me. From a Social Anthropological perspective traditions serve a wider social purpose - along with other things they establish and reinforce our sense of community and our identity, are part of our shared past and our culture. What is wrong with that?

Its just plain mean not to have Father Christmas. So sorry for those children whose parents were so angry with life they could not indulge the story. Your children will not thank you.

You are being totally unreasonable, and missing out on a lot of fun! I loved their wide-eyed belief! AND........... (when your babe is older) guarantees good behaviour running up to Christmas! (We had the fairy on the window ledge, years before the elf on the shelf)

Op, you’d be the biggest loser if you don’t allow Santa!

I find it sad that so many people equate the magic of christmas with santa.

I don’t know why you’d find something ‘sad’ that gives many ppl pleasure. How bizarre. Having Santa at Christmas doesn’t make family less important either.

And I’ve never gone into debt at Christmas. Can’t imagine anyone I know doing it either. It’s not about having loads of expensive presents.

'Someone i work with did this and her kids told everyone at school and spoilt it.'

You can tell your child not to talk at school about it, and to respect other people's beliefs. After all, they shouldn't be telling other children what to believe in more substantial matters such as religion, so it's just a basic rule of respect. Actually, in my experience, children are more likely to dislllusion other children in an inconsiderate way if they have started out believing in Father Christmas and then found out that he wasn't real, than if they'd never been told that he was real in the first place. Presumably because in the first case, children may come to associate believing in Father Christmas with immaturity: 'only babies think that!'; while in the second case, they may associate it more with different people having different beliefs and customs, which should be respected.

I thought the same thing when my first was born -- "I'm going to raise little rationalists and not lie to them." But I'm glad I didn't follow through with that noble aim. Christmas is magical for them and it wouldn't be the same without the magical being of FC. Even when they don't believe (oldest 18 now) they still feel that flutter of magic on Christmas Eve, which comes from having believed it once.

I can report there was no trauma about it when they did twig - indeed the littlest (age 11) has never indicated he doesn't, although I expect (hope? now that he is in secondary school?) he is just being a good sport. No one is angry at having been lied to all those years. And they have all come out rational and with a healthy sense of skepticism.

I think of it as a giant game of pretend that we all play together for our own enjoyment. I recommend doing the same as your children will get a lot of pleasure from it. Plus if you tell him it's all a lie there is enormous danger that your child will let the cat out of the bag for his playmates and you will be even less popular than the mum whose son can burp the alphabet.

I’m afraid I’m with your MIL...
The magic and excitement that comes along with believing with Santa Claus certainly puts back even more excitement for the whole family.
What’s the harm? xx