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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
czechitout · 24/09/2019 11:05

If we're really suggesting there's only one way to do Christmas right, then something has gone majorly wrong.

I absolutely agree with this ^^

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 24/09/2019 11:31

I think it's a bit of a weird thing to do as Father Christmas is so culturally entrenched and doesn't do any harm.

However I also don't think it's the end of world and won't ruin christmas, after all kids only believe for a year or so anyway.

Mulhollandmagoo · 24/09/2019 11:43

There are some really really Extreme views on this thread 😂

The way is see it, is every household should be free to do the santa thing as they see fit, what works for one family doesn't work for another! Indo however think we should all respect each others way of doing things, I'd be upset if your child told my daughter santa wasn't real for example!

But my only slight concern (and this is not meant to be rude in anyway, just something for you to consider) don't tell your children santa isn't real just to stick it to your MIL, maybe just keep her at arm's length and tell her you're happy for your children to believe in Santa, but on your terms!

multivac · 24/09/2019 13:59

In fairness I know hundreds and hundreds of people for whom believing in Santa was a strongly positive experience and one they'll replicate for their own children

... and there are thousands upon thousands for whom it never had to be literal, and who also experienced the festive season very positively through stories, and make-believe, and rituals and traditions (and somehow managed to learn about "motiveless generosity" and "higher truths" Hmm along the way, too). It really doesn't have to be a binary choice between a quasi-religious undertaking and serious mental trauma.

Oh, and by the way, people who don't insist on literal belief really aren't 'taking away' anything from their children. Father Christmas isn't a default - it's an opt-in kind of a deal.

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 14:01

and there are thousands upon thousands for whom it never had to be literal, and who also experienced the festive season very positively through stories, and make-believe, and rituals and traditions (and somehow managed to learn about "motiveless generosity" and "higher truths"

Sure. Who said there weren’t?

multivac · 24/09/2019 14:05

About 80% of posters on this thread, by implication, Laurie.

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 14:54

About 80% of posters on this thread, by implication

So why don’t you quote someone who said it then, rather than me, who didn’t.

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 24/09/2019 17:24

Why would you do that? I'm 34 and I still believe in the magic of Christmas and Santa! Your poor child

Isittheend · 24/09/2019 17:25

I agree with your MIL.

scubadive · 24/09/2019 17:30

This reply has been deleted

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purplepeopleeater1 · 24/09/2019 17:30

I'm sorry but you're also doing yourself out of a great deal of fun and joy if you do this. Kids are only little for a wee while, let them have magic whilst they can! My eldest had a child in his class who went about trying to tell the whole class that santa wasn't real in P2 (age 6/7) and kids were really upset with him (they all told the teacher he was telling lies - put her in a really awkward position!). He was totally ostracised by the class. Like others have said, its not just your child you have to think about. What's going to happen at playgroup/nursery/school when Santa comes to bring pressies? I really think you're making a rod for your own back with this.

jesst81 · 24/09/2019 17:32

What happens when her friends saying what did Father Christmas bring her and she gets nothing from ‘him’ ?
I’m with your MIL on this one .

Symposium123 · 24/09/2019 17:36

You wont ruin his Christmas as he will never have a true Christmas.

As a child the magic of Christmas is all about santa. Believing in him is a special time, a happy time. The excitement, the build up. I still remember it from when I was a child.

@Whatsthesmell Nonsense. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus.

I'm with OP. We've told our DC that Father Christmas isn't real but that we can play along with the other children as some of them think he is. They think it's an amazing game, as they're in on the "secret". They still get to join in with the "magic".

yasmin0147 · 24/09/2019 17:37

What happened to you as a child for you to take this viewpoint on something that is supposed to be nice and add magic for children. You really should reconsider being blunt with this, as it’s a good way of getting kids to behave themselves, believe me you need a few tricks up your sleeve or your going to be driven crazy by tantrums.

choli · 24/09/2019 17:37

What's going to happen at playgroup/nursery/school when Santa comes to bring pressies? I really think you're making a rod for your own back with this.

Does that still happen? I thought that was long gone. Surely religious diversity is more respected these days.

Or do the women on this thread live in some kind of fantasy world where everyone is a middle class Christian?

ABmumof3 · 24/09/2019 17:38

So what you want but be aware that you could upset other children who do believe

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 17:39

What a horrible awful mum to have such thoughts. Completely and utterly up your own a to want to super impose your own mad principles onto your DC and making them suffer in the process. Completely agree with your MIL, why did you even have a child*

Oh get a fucking grip. Have you actually heard yourself Grin

You've made yourself look an utter ninny.

jillb55 · 24/09/2019 17:40

Santa is part of childhood. Plenty of time for realism later.

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 17:40

Tell you something, its been a while since there was quite so many hard of thinking posters in one place.

If nothing else you've achieved something OP!

Scotland32 · 24/09/2019 17:41

Fun sponge....

THIS!

Marcipex · 24/09/2019 17:42

Whichever way anyone thinks on this, I don’t understand how one ‘makes sure they don’t tell other children’.
How exactly?

manicmij · 24/09/2019 17:44

Isn't it all based on St Nicholas. If that is true then it has become a tradition. Will you celebrate New Year. That I can understand you abolishing but Santa Claus, no way.

Fresta · 24/09/2019 17:45

choli- most schools still have Santa and those of other religions join in too because they respect the Christianity of their friends even though Santa isn't really much to do with Christianity. Similarly, children bring in sweets for Eid, we light candles for Divali etc. Respect goes all ways not just one!

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 17:47

What's going to happen at playgroup/nursery/school when Santa comes to bring pressies? I really think you're making a rod for your own back with this

DD did 9 years at Prep school and Father Christmas didn't visit once....they got presents from the school, did Christmas baking, had carols around the tree, made Christmas lights, made Christmas cards, did plays, told stories etc.

calimommy · 24/09/2019 17:48

Santa was probably my 1# reason for having children. (Joke obvs but close...😂)
Childhood is such a short time, and the magic associated with their imaginations is unique. I would think it a real shame to loose it.

I can understand why your mils comments have annoyed you. Try to separate her responses from your final decision.