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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
Newbiemumsy66 · 23/09/2019 23:54

I thinks it’s a shame that you wouldn’t want to have all the traditions like leaving the mince pie out etc. Also you won’t be popular when your DC tells all their friends he’s not real and ruin it for thre whole class. Of course it’s your choice a MIL should accept that but I just think it’s a a shame!

Bluestringsoup01 · 23/09/2019 23:56

What a party pooper! Think about how your child will feel at school when all the other children are having fun getting involved with Christmas preparations- you will just suck all the fun and magic out of it for absolutely no reason.

LookingForward2020 · 24/09/2019 01:01

@ Whatsthesmell, you sound crazy.

They won’t have Christmas if they don’t believe in Santa! What a ridiculous thing to say!

Greyhound22 · 24/09/2019 06:29

Yeah I'm with MIL.

Really miserable. I still track Santa on NORAD and I'm 38. Life can be pretty tough when you grow up - allowing kids the magic of Santa for a few years is not damaging.

Also you would be in tough time when he starts school getting him not to try to ruin it for other kids.

violetswordfish · 24/09/2019 08:19

This thread is bizarre.

Unless you live somewhere really sheltered, your kids are going to go to school with kids who don't do santa for various reasons (it's only really the UK and North America who have santa as a fat man with reindeer) or who don't celebrate Christmas at all. It's not other parents job to celebrate the same way as you to preserve your kids beliefs.

Apparently adults still love santa and Christmas and they don't believe that santa is real, so why do you think kids won't enjoy Christmas without believing its all real? It's perfectly possible to still put out a mince pie and have a stocking while knowing it's all just a fun story and tradition.

Is Christmas suddenly shit once your kids find out santa isn't real? Or is it still magical for them because they get presents and songs and decorations and special food?

Kids like presents. They don't care who brings them. Most kids I know get ridiculously excited about birthday presents even though there's no mythical figure dropping them down a chimney.

Just because you can't imagine celebrating a different way doesn't mean everyone else's way is wrong or cruel or depriving children of something, FFS.

MegaMonsterMunch · 24/09/2019 08:22

Why would you do this? They're children for such a short period of time. Let them feel the magic. It's very cruel.

NearlyGranny · 24/09/2019 08:28

How else are you going to get DC to go to bed and sleep on Christmas Eve? Why do you think Santa was invented in the first place? Don't make life difficult for yourselves.

Besides, they love it. Ours were so determined to keep believing that I heard this convo between the eldest 2, aged 6, on the way back from school Christmas fayre where DH had been the one in the red suit.

Her: Father Christmas had big welly boots like Daddy's.
Him: His voice sounded like Daddy's voice.
Long, thoughtful silence while I held my breath.....
Her: Perhaps Father Christmas is like everybody's daddy?

Aaaand breathe!

violetswordfish · 24/09/2019 08:32

How else are you going to get DC to go to bed and sleep on Christmas Eve? Why do you think Santa was invented in the first place?

It doesn't even make sense, though. If kids have already seen santa at school and in a grotto, why is Christmas eve suddenly the special time when he comes again?

burritofan · 24/09/2019 08:36
  • still have never admitted to my kids that Father Christmas doesn't exist and they are 19 and 17. We have a lot of fun with it! I Are you my mum? She still arched an eyebrow and says "You think I'm Father Christmas? Oh, no, he's very real." I'm 38… (don't get a stocking any more though.)

OP, it's just mean! You're also missing a trick. Our parents did tree presents from them, stockings from Father Christmas: stockings were on our bed. We were allowed to open them whatever time we woke up, but, crucially, we weren't to get out of bed until 7am otherwise Father Christmas wouldn't come next year. Result: Christmas magic and a lie-in!

Walkaround · 24/09/2019 08:59

The game of everyone knowing Father Christmas isn't real, but nobody ever saying it is part of the fun. You know your children have grown up when they stop questioning whether or not Father Christmas is really Mummy and Daddy, not when they start. It's like when you watch a fantasy film - you really don't need some tosspot poking everybody and telling them, "you do know this is all made up, don't you? Real life is nothing like this."
Most children go through a totally painless transition from believing to suspecting to wanting to believe to playing along. It's fun. If you don't think it's fun or playful or harmless escapism, then don't do it, but it does make people come across as weirdly uptight to go on about lying to children and how harmful it is. If you feel like that, don't tell your kids fairy stories, either, and spoil all their books, too, by telling them that wizards and witches and super heroes do not exist and they must not on any account make the mistake of wanting to believe in them at any point in their lives whatsoever.

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 09:22

Apparently adults still love santa and Christmas and they don't believe that santa is real, so why do you think kids won't enjoy Christmas without believing its all real?

I don’t think that kids won’t enjoy it without believing it’s real, but I do think that believing in its reality adds an extra dimension.

And that adults who still love Christmas are often still influenced by the memory of what it feels like to believe.

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 09:25

Most children go through a totally painless transition from believing to suspecting to wanting to believe to playing along. It's fun

I agree with this. When children get to an age where they stop believing (or pretending to) and become co-conspirators in the story for younger kids, that’s a lovely stage too.

I went to great lengths to keep the Santa story going for my younger brothers Grin

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 09:31

The hyperbole on this thread is absolutely batshit Grin

he will never have a true Christmas

This absolutely breaks my heart

What utter codswallop!

MummyJasmin · 24/09/2019 09:34

What's wrong in bringing your children up without making them believe in Santa?

spanglydangly · 24/09/2019 09:49

@JacquesHammer I hear what you're saying but this if the biggest load of codswallop of the post IMO
*
Yes. Finding out my parents had lied to me - a very logical child - was deeply upsetting and affected my trust in them. Being forced to lie about it for younger siblings went against what I believed in and felt like another betrayal. It lasted several years and further damaged my relationship with my parents. I’ve spent £££s on counselling to try and rebuild the relationship.

My husband felt the same.

So, whilst it may be rare, it happens.*

£1000s in counselling because your parents let you believe in FC and continue it for younger siblings,.... imagine if they'd had a truly abusive childhood!

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 09:50

What's wrong in bringing your children up without making them believe in Santa?

There's nothing wrong with it.

I think the strong feelings on the thread come from posters with very strongly positive associations from believing themselves as children. And a desire that this happy experience be replicated by others.

But, tbf, it isn't their business how the OP decides to play it.

sherbetmelon · 24/09/2019 09:59

@LaurieMarlow completely agree with you, this is one of the lovely things about Santa! And then being able to give your mum and/or dad a hug and say thank you away from younger siblings was lovely. I think knowing it was your mum and dad the whole time is lovely, they really made the effort to make it magical.

OP you are a fun sponge.

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 10:06

OP you are a fun sponge

If the only way you can have fun at Christmas is the belief in Father Christmas, I think that’s really sad!

Boobiliboobiliboo · 24/09/2019 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LaurieMarlow · 24/09/2019 10:28

In fairness I know hundreds and hundreds of people for whom believing in Santa was a strongly positive experience and one they'll replicate for their own children.

There will always be outliers and I'd suggest in these cases there's a lot more going on than just the Santa thing.

Baguetteaboutit · 24/09/2019 10:28

That's not science, that is two psychologists creating content guessing.

JacquesHammer · 24/09/2019 10:32

The problem with this thread is the absolutes.

To all the people saying "you'll ruin Christmas" - that's patently nonsense. You cannot give that as a fact. That is just complete projection.

If we're really suggesting there's only one way to do Christmas right, then something has gone majorly wrong.

Horehound · 24/09/2019 10:35

Aw I wouldn't do this. I have amazing memories of me and my brother waking each other up, running downstairs in excitement, waiting for the door to be open. It was great!

spanglydangly · 24/09/2019 10:55

@Boobiliboobiliboo I'm not a closed minded twat, get more counselling you need it!