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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
BarbaraGordon · 23/09/2019 20:44

@Ohyesiam I had that too! Had to be told Santa not real aged 3ish due to being terrified, but still left out carrot, mince pie etc. I don't remember ruining it for other kids. Like you, I presumed everyone knew, and even now I don't think anyone thought the Santas in the shops and at the school Xmas fair were real - maybe they did though. Anyway, I certainly don't feel like I've missed out

Ohyesiam · 23/09/2019 20:49

@BarbaraGordon
Yes! I loved Christmas, my mum did the best stockingsGrin.

BishBashBoshy · 23/09/2019 20:54

We didn't "do" Father Christmas. Kids always knew it was a fun story but presents come from people who love you. Never stopped us from joining in the fun, seeing Father Christmas etc. In the same way that people know Harry Potter isn't real but still join in.

cricketmum84 · 23/09/2019 20:55

The world these days makes me so sad. That we have to put an abusive spin on bloody Santa Claus.

Jeez what the F is wrong with some people.

BishBashBoshy · 23/09/2019 20:55

Make sure they know not to be "that kid" though and tell everyone else!

Whatsthesmell · 23/09/2019 20:59

You wont ruin his Christmas as he will never have a true Christmas.

As a child the magic of Christmas is all about santa. Believing in him is a special time, a happy time. The excitement, the build up. I still remember it from when I was a child.

For children it's about santa for adults it's about family. Don't deprive your child of believing. I think you'll regret it in a few short years when your out and about in December an see other kids being wildly excited about Santa's grotto etc and your son being like "meh".

Your ruining your own Christmas.
I can't wait for writing letters to santa and leaving out a mince pie etc

BishBashBoshy · 23/09/2019 20:59

By the way, prepare for your kid to beleive anyway. Such is the power of advertising...

73Sunglasslover · 23/09/2019 21:00

My son has always been quite savvy and when he was about 5 realised there was no santa. He was momentarily a little nonplussed that we'd said there was but we explained that santa was more of a metaphor or a concept - about love and giving and sharing - and that as kids get older they realise this. He accepted that fine. I don't think there was any need to be more blunt when he was younger. Given that he found out young we impressed on him very robustly that he must never give the game away to other children. I honestly don't know how you'd do that with a 3 year old and like others can't see why you would but each to their own. It does deny your MIL some experiences though so even if you proceed I do think you could have some empathy for her associated sadness.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 23/09/2019 21:04

Why on earth do you think they will "tell everyone else"?

I was raised as an atheist. I did not run up to random kids in the playground and shout "Allah is not real! The Bible is all lies!"

Atheist kids tend not to be raised with much mention of God as a real figure.

Similarly, we don't do FC with our kids. That does not mean that I sat them down at the age of 18 mos and said "I have a terrible revelation for you, children."

It means we read The Night Before Christmas like we read The Gruffalo or Mog. It means we talk excitedly about what Grandad might get them this year. The idea that FC might be a real person is just not a thing for them, any more than they really think they can be a PJ Mask.

Why on earth do you think they would randomly announce that to other children? Such a bizarre idea.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/09/2019 21:09

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff because a lot of kids do do it.

And a lot of little shits take great pleasure in upsetting those that do believe.

SoyDora · 23/09/2019 21:12

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff DD1 was in reception last year and told me that multiple children told her that Father Christmas doesn’t exist. So obviously not that bizarre an idea!

PEkithelp · 23/09/2019 21:16

I told mine Father Christmas was a really fun game we play at Christmas. They know it's pretend but join in with all the normal Santa stuff. It hasn't ruined it at all.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 23/09/2019 21:29

Why on earth do you think they would randomly announce that to other children

They don’t do it randomly...the do it at Christmas

nestisflown · 23/09/2019 21:33

Christmas was magical for us and we never believed in Santa. To my husband I'm still the biggest kid at Christmas ever. So do what you want OP.

duckme · 23/09/2019 21:37

What are your reasons for doing this? Is it important that your child knows that it is you who has paid for the presents rather than believing that Father Christmas has delivered them? Is it that you want your child to know that you worked hard to pay for the presents and therefore you should have the credit for providing them?
Couldn't you just write 'from mommy and daddy' on the label instead of 'from santa'?
Personally I can't see any reason to deny your child the chance to enjoy this little bit of magic for a few years, other than for you to receive the praise of providing the presents. If I'm honest, I think it's a little bit selfish.

nestisflown · 23/09/2019 21:39

Oh and we never ruined it for other children. It didn't cross my mind that there was something to reveal. Like @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff if you're kind of raised with little mention of Santa, you assume when other children talk about Santa they mean it in an imaginary way- so I never felt the need to tell anyone Santa wasn't real. It wasn't until I was older that I realised that my friends genuinely believed Santa was real.

CareBear50 · 23/09/2019 21:43

OP......you are a craic-uum cleaner!

Fancydaisy · 23/09/2019 21:47

So i cant lie very well at all and my 4yo already asks lots of question to poke into the whole charade, about the system, reindeers, logistics, chimney, the ones in grottos etc. Im not sure how much longer ill hold up under his interrogation (which his brother is catching on)

SabineUndine · 23/09/2019 21:47

I never believed in Santa Claus. By the time I was old enough to understand the concept, I was also a confirmed cynic. The logistics were all wrong. My mum used to say she was going into town to see Father Christmas, and would come home with bulging shopping bags, but we visited him at the Co-op and got a present then and there. The pile of presents on top of her wardrobe didn't help, either!

Azuresilver · 23/09/2019 21:49

I found it very confusing that everyone was clearly lying to me about the Father Christmas thing. This was from an early age. I didn't want to confuse my children but was pretty much forced into it by nursery / school / everyone teaching my kids about it.

My children enjoyed the Santa Claus stuff, despite my misgivings. Play it by ear and see how it goes. I don't think you are a fun sponge for not wanting to lie to your children.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 23/09/2019 22:00

Ds1 said...i know logically there can’t be a santa, but how else do the presents get in the house

😳

Ginger1982 · 23/09/2019 22:03

"Yes. Finding out my parents had lied to me - a very logical child - was deeply upsetting and affected my trust in them. Being forced to lie about it for younger siblings went against what I believed in and felt like another betrayal. It lasted several years and further damaged my relationship with my parents. I’ve spent £££s on counselling to try and rebuild the relationship.

My husband felt the same.

So, whilst it may be rare, it happens. 🖕🏻"

Right...ok then 🙄

Moonflower12 · 23/09/2019 22:45

What do you mean? There's no Father Christmas?

You wouldn't be popular when he tells all his little friends!

thriftyhen · 23/09/2019 22:59

I always told the children that Father Christmas was pretend. We still put out sherry and a mince pie for him and dog biscuits for the reindeer and I made certain there was a sooty footprint by the fire in the morning which was a bit of fun. It just seemed a bit ridiculous to lie to them about an old man coming down the chimney. They're all now in their twenties, so it's all slightly irrelevant!

HappyStar56 · 23/09/2019 23:47

This makes me a little sad as if I close my eyes I can take myself back to the magic of Christmas Eve thinking that Santa was in his sleigh coming to bring me a present. It was so magical and life is full of enough harsh realities as we get older - I will certainly be encouraging my 3 to let their imaginations run wild and see the happiness in their faces.