To think this won't ruin Christmas?

[CaterpillarInTheGarden]

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas ). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

Even now - in my middle age - I get a lovely warm feeling rush through me when I think of how excited I used to get at the thought of Santa Claus coming .. I believed til I was about 10. I remember feeling a bit disappointed when I caught my dad putting the gifts at the bottom of my bed, but I was old enough to deal with it, without it affecting me for life!

I also get a warm feeling inside when I think how utterly excited my kids were at the thought of Santa Claus coming. The joy and excitement they felt will stay with me forever. They 'believed' til maybe 8 or 9 years old. A couple of kids at school tried telling them Santa Claus was not real, but they didn't believe them, they believed me and DH!

So hopefully, even if the OP's kids tell other children that Santa Claus is not real, most kids will not believe them anyway. Probably feel sorry for them to be honest, that they have been told he doesn't exist!

I remember a couple of Jehovahs Witness families who lived near us when I was a kid, and they didn't celebrate Christmas, didn't believe in Santa Claus, and wouldn't even accept a Christmas card. (Also didn't celebrate birthdays.)

They were, by a country mile, the most miserable and depressed children/teenagers anyone had ever met.

When they reached their early 20s, all 7 kids from both familes (4 girls and 3 boys,) turned to alcohol or drugs, or they fell pregnant out of marriage at 18 or 19.

A strict, deprived-of-any-fun childhood will do that to some!!!

No glitter footprints?

No leaving out a carrot and a mince pie?

Erm, yes, carrots, mince pies, glitter and all the rest of it, if that's what people want to do. Just no panicked insistence that IT IS ALL REAL! REAL MAGIC that children MUST BELIEVE! Or threatening exclusion for any child who might articulate even a minor shred of doubt. Or anguished handwringing at the awful LOSS OF CHILDHOOD when THE TRUTH is finally revealed. Or pretending that it is literally the only joy in a child's life.

^ Cos all of that is just weird^.

This thread has made me SO nostalgic for those Christmases. Even as our kids got well past the believing stage, we all still 'mock believed'. My late husband always used to pretend that Father Christmas was his good friend, so even in their early 20s, if our girls expressed a wish to buy something they couldn't afford, he'd say "I'll have a chat with my good friend Father Christmas"

It's one of those things that my girls and I enjoy remembering their dad for when it's the season.

If a childhood is deprived of fun because it doesn't have Santa then maybe you need to remember the other 364 days of the year...

I can guarantee that a childhood devoid of Father Christmas does not ruin it one bit

@multivac You seem a barrel of laughs

@CaterpillarInTheGarden YABU!

i am finding this thread very interesting as my DD will be 2 at Christmas time and we don't want to do the father christmas thing.

pretty confident it won't drive her to be an alcoholic or drug addict in later life.

not sure exactly how we will deal with questions yet, will just see how it goes i think.

i was in year 2 and my sister was in reception when our brother gleefully shared the secret with us and it never ruined christmas for us.

i actually did wonder that if father christmas was a lie then maybe adults were lying about Jesus too (we are Christians), which is why i am inclined not to push the father christmas thing too much.

we do enjoy doing some make believe type stuff but i just don't want to lay it on too thick with one particular thing. i don't want father christmas to be the main focus of that time of year and i don't want to be feeling heartbroken when DD doesn't believe in FC any more. my sister actually bought us an elf on the shelf thing and last christmas time (DD was only 1 so it wasnt for her benefit), me and DH took turns to set him up doing different things. i dont mind doing something like that but the difference is we don't do the whole (imo a bit creepy) story about how the elf is watching you and reporting back to FC.

anyway sorry for my rambling...! Merry Christmas to all!!

I don't think it will ruin xmas, exactley. I still get exited about Xmas morning, as do my DD and her partner.

But I do feel sorry for your chi!d/children not getting the magical experience of Santa. All the carrots for reindeer, mince pies for santa. All increased the excitement for DD.

My treasured memory of my dad included so called lying. He worked shifts and walked home from the Pit across fields. Sometimes he would come home with sweets or a comic and tell me he met tinkerbell on his way home and she had given it to him to give to me.

He's been dead over thirty years now, and unfortunately we were estranged by the time he died. But the memory of his meeting with the fairy far, far outweighs the memory of our estrangement.

It up to you what you do, of course, but my memories absolutely stopped me going down the line of "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" when it came to my DDs upbringing

I’ve never flown/driven glitter, mince pies or carrots to the far flung locations that we have spent Xmases, no. Especially as many of those have kings day rather than Santa, or are muslim countries that don’t celebrate Xmas at all!

What a small world some of you seem to inhabit.

Sometimes he would come home with sweets or a comic and tell me he met tinkerbell on his way home and she had given it to him to give to me.

Did he actually try to make that seem real to you though? Sounds like just a story. Which is what Santa is. But people take that one several —million— steps too far.

Just had to weigh in and say I'm with you, OP. The thought of outright lying to my child makes me very uncomfortable but I do enjoy all the traditions.

I think our compromise will be telling them we all 'play the Santa game' at Christmas and leave it sheet and nice pies etc. Would you consider doing something like this?

What a small world some of you seem to inhabit

Yes, as much as we’d love to we unfortunately can’t afford to fly to exotic locations over Christmas. We also have elderly relatives to care for in the UK so yes, our Christmas’s are sadly home based.

pretty confident it won't drive her to be an alcoholic or drug addict in later life

Don’t panic. I don’t drink

@multivac do you have a particular reason to keep launching into capital letters? Seems unnecessary to me. You've made your point and "shouting" it isn't going to make anyone more likely to agree.

HAVE I MADE MUSELF CLEAR?

*Crack on and spoil a magical and wonderful part of your child's childhood, if it makes you feel like you are cool, and 'woke,' and 'right-on.' and 'someone who doesn't lie to their child.' 🙄

Doesn't change the fact that 95% of people on here think you are being unreasonable and unkind and spoiling part of your child's childhood. No doubt most people in real life will think it too, so prepare to be challenged for your horrible, unkind decision. You will get verbally battered, and berated for it, and you will deserve it...*

Horrible and unkind, spoiling childhood?! You do know that celebrating Christmas isn't even compulsory, right?

I have no issue with other people telling their kids that santa is real. I do have an issue with other parents demanding that I join in with their way of celebrating because otherwise me and my family might ruin it for their kids. And insinuating that my kids won't enjoy Christmas because we're not doing it their way. It's so fucking entitled and small-minded.

Mumsnet everyone, where not pushing a random fake story on your children is a form of abuse that you deserve to be bullied, ostracized and berated for by people meant to be bloody grown ups...

Looking at this thread I think a lot of you are more damaged from Santa not being real than you realise.

My parents did the whole santa isn't real thing, and I still absolutely loved Christmas (and was happy to have pictures taken with Santa, etc)

If my mom could do it over again she would have us believe in santa as it's so cute (Her words)! In some ways I think it's more for the parents, my first memories of Christmas are when I was five or six, and by then the santa isn't real bigrade was out in force at my school anyway. 🤷‍♀️

I have no issue with other people telling their kids that santa is real. I do have an issue with other parents demanding that I join in with their way of celebrating because otherwise me and my family might ruin it for their kids. And insinuating that my kids won't enjoy Christmas because we're not doing it their way. It's so fucking entitled and small-minded.
Yes yes.

It's more than fc... It's something very different your giving the dc, it's wonder /hope...

And so on.
Re elf. I despair when people say... 'how creepy the elf is watching you'

Listen, you can do your own version! You can make it into anything you want.

We did it once, 4 years ago for 4 days only and it was brilliant fun! We did our own letter.... Our own reasons... Our own cute ikea elf. My then 7 year old was wowed.

We have never done it since and I'd never do it for more than couple days.

Re :FC people always revert back to their childhood.

Your own dc are not you, they may adore fc.
Surely we tweak and bend and do things as our dc may want them?

I am in a minority here.

Definitely wished the parents hadn't pretended. I worked it out for myself aged about 4 when I realised the beard was held on by elastic, we had no chimney, and there were very many Father Christmases everywhere.

I had to carry on pretending I believed in all the shit for years. Find it unbelievable some children with no special needs are still apparently conned aged 12.

Definitely go ahead with the honesty, OP. There's no magic in lying.

well, you've not chosen Grinchly as your user name for no reason!

There's no magic in lying.

I disagree with this on many levels. For many people it’s about conveying truths that go beyond logic.

Do what you want, but calling it ‘lying’ is very limited thinking in my eyes.

bluegirlgreen
You will get verbally battered, and berated for it, and you will deserve it...
Gee thank you

And saying it will spoil your child's childhood and could drive them to drugs and alcohol and getting pregnant in their teens is a bit of an extreme statement.

WMPAGL the santa Claus game is also a good idea

Pukkatea
where not pushing a random fake story on your children is a form of abuse that you deserve to be bullied, ostracized and berated for by people meant to be bloody grown ups... that's the vibe I'm getting from some people on this thread

Realistically 7 days ago what were you going to do? Is this just you digging your heels in to spite MiL? Also what does your DH say?