To think this won't ruin Christmas?

[CaterpillarInTheGarden]

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas ). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

@NaviSprite the answer is just to have small stockings from Santa. Everything under the tree from family and friends.

No. I just told the kids I'm busy enough without having to deal with an irritating elf. I say the same about pets, so they're use to it.

I'm in the minority but I'm with you on this, OP. I found out about Father Christmas from schoolmates and I felt utterly appalled and betrayed that my parents lied to me, and humiliated that I had defended their lie to my schoolmates who knew the truth before I did. That feeling that the parents had cheated me stayed with me for ages. I don't see the point of lying to children.

sadly i agreee with your mother in law.actually no not sadly.i dont know why you would take this time and moments away from a child.
and it isnt just the one thing either of not beleiving in santa.its everything that comes with that.the feelings when xmas eve comes.the build up.there is a spirnkling of snata time around that that i thikn sticks with you far past the age you stop beleiving too.
there is the movies.the school times.the trips.the whole essence of believing comes into so mnay thing at chrismtas.

You don't have to tell the child that Santa is not real. Presents come from family not Santa, but you have never seen Santa so do not know for sure whether he is real.

Saying that, one of my cousin's children had to be told Santa was not real at a young age as she was so upset by the idea of Santa and the idea that a strange man was going to break into her house that she didn't want Christmas! She could not go near a dressed up Santa as she found it too frightening.

M3lon no I don’t buy exclusively recycled toilet paper .
I buy my DD’s one big ‘experience’ gift. This year it is tickets to see Wicked in London, which they are desperate to do. I also buy a number of toys that I know they will love and will be played with for a long time. I don’t get into any debt for these things.
I don’t buy loads of tins of crap chocolates or booze, apart from one special meal on Christmas Day of whatever we fancy that particular year we don’t ‘over indulge’. We do however have a lovely time visiting friends and family, watching films together, playing games, going to the pantomime etc. I don’t see how that equates to ‘a disgusting festival of greed and over consumption and messes up your finances for the entire year’.

I've never done Christmas stockings, so I'm sure I am the very lowest kind of MN Grinch. I was going to, then I forgot. Every year for 17 years. Consistency is important, I feel.

@kateandme kids in other countries manage to celebrate Christmas without santa.

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet

Really? I'm not British so have been looking to my DH for guidance, he said that stockings are not really a necessity.

Has he been wrong and will my child be excluded from parties by overzealous Santa believers for not following their exact brand of magic?

I can't be doing with Christmas boxes either.

I do think that, as parents are more time squeezed, that there's an increasing social premium and a good amount of social capital in finding new and interesting ways to spend an abundance time fucking around doing makey-uppy jobs during Christmas which, not without coincidence, is conveyed really rather well on Instagram, and I -for one- am not fucking falling for it.

If my MIL spoke to me like that (and she often did!) there is no way on earth we would be doing whatever it is she wanted us to do!

She crossed the line with the way she spoke to you and all the focus on Father Christmas is detracting from your MIL problem!

The OP is only thinking about it at the moment, she will probably do what most of us do, which is to conform randomly and half heartedly until our children work it out.

My advice, like the poster above, is consistency, don't start shit you don't want to do every year for twenty years, especially the elf.

I can remember the feeling of excitement when I thought I could actually hear the sound of sleigh bells when I was looking out of the window at midnight. I don't know how old I was, but at 51 I can still remember that moment and it was magical.

I hope you change your mind. I think your children would be more cross with you if you took that magical time away from them rather than pretending something exists.

What a fun mum you're going to be!

kids in other countries manage to celebrate Christmas without santa.

The majority of countries that do Christmas but not Santa, have an equivalent.

So the point about other countries not having santa makes no sense.

Surely they are still 'deceiving' their children?

I have never done Christmas and told my kids early that I thought it was crap and would not be doing it. They were probably 3 years old and neither has ever been bothered or minded.

Has anyone else experienced pressure to include an elf on the shelf in their Christmas tradition?

My youngest thinks he's creepy so I ask him if he would like me to invite him into the house when he's being especially trying behaviour wise. Works pretty good.

I have never done Christmas and told my kids early that I thought it was crap and would not be doing it. They were probably 3 years old and neither has ever been bothered or minded

You'll know if they minded or not if they do or don't do Christmas for their own kids.

I agree with mil. Not only would it ruin it for your child but when your dc starts school and tells others it will be heart breaking. Look back on your own memories of Christmas and the build up..... Now remove santa. I loved baking cookies for Santa Christmas eve and leaving them out. My joys are 12 and 9. Last year we will probably get out of our youngest and I'm sad to think of that. But we will tell him the same way we did our eldest.... That as there became more girls and boys being good in the world Santa had to ask for helpers. Those helpers get to choose new helpers and we would like him to help be Santa for his cousins.

I think you sound a bit miserable and mean. It’s part of the magic and just a bit of fun!

Christmas is absolutely not disgusting or bullshit. I don’t agree with people spending ridiculous amounts of money but it really can be absolutely the best day ever with a bit of love and imagination. I can see why you’d want to spare him the disappointment later OP but as others have said Father Christmas can be anything you choose him to be really. Please rethink for your sake and not your mother in laws!

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

I agree with a pp that Christmas isn't "magic" it is a disgusting festival of greed and over consumption and messes up your finances for the entire year.

What an absolute load of shit.

It may be for YOU, but others manage to have a perfectly lovely Christmas withOUT spending a lot, and withOUT eating a lot, or being 'GREEDY!'

aww no thats mean, just let him believe and have the excitement of Christmas. I don't see what harm it does really (any more then religion does) My 3 children didn't hate us or end up in therapy when they found out he wasn't real. I have never believed in going over the top though, they had one small gift from Father Christmas, bigger ones were from us (they still get one small gift from 'Father Christmas' they love it even though they know he actually isn't real).

You do get some adults that go above and beyond for Christmas and say their parents didn't give a shit and never bothered, And they want to do it different for their wee ones 🤷‍♀️ So only time will tell.

Dont decorate your house, Go to church, Leave out milk and cookies. That is fine. But no need to be so miserable about other people liking it.

I don't know a single person who resents their parents for playing along with the whole Santa thing. Not a one! I think it's fun and my lo is old enough to get Christmas now and I can't imagine taking that bit of fun away! It just that after all, fun. Plus it's a great motivation for good behaviour in the run up to Christmas .

Ah the true meaning of Christmas. A lot of parents patting themselves on the back at their superior parenting

Magic.

@CaterpillarInTheGarden

Why did you even post and ask for peoples opinions?

You're going to go right ahead and do what YOU want anyway.

Crack on and spoil a magical and wonderful part of your child's childhood, if it makes you feel like you are cool, and 'woke,' and 'right-on.' and 'someone who doesn't lie to their child.' 🙄

Doesn't change the fact that 95% of people on here think you are being unreasonable and unkind and spoiling part of your child's childhood. No doubt most people in real life will think it too, so prepare to be challenged for your horrible, unkind decision. You will get verbally battered, and berated for it, and you will deserve it...

I cannot even get my HEAD around the (few) people saying they were traumatised at the thought of this 'old man' coming into their house when they are asleep, and they 'needed therapy' when they found out Santa was not real. Surely they are joking??? I have never heard anything so batshit in my life!

YEAH I said SANTA, and I always have! So bore off you feckers who are saying it's 'wrong.'