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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 23/09/2019 13:34

Thata not the point

You mean it’s not the point for you....it might well be for other people.

Anxiouszalice · 23/09/2019 13:34

I don't think it matters too much either way- I can see why people wouldn't want to do the father-christmas-thing (e.g. would rather not lie/deceive their kids) and why most people do do it (e.g. makes christmas a bit more magical etc.) but I don't think your MiL should call you selfish over this.

00100001 · 23/09/2019 13:35

@combatbarbie
"so given I've lived in 4 countries and visited many more in my 39years on this world I've never once come across anyone saying they were scared of FC entering the house......"

Just because you haven't experienced it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I've never experienced a child break their leg. I've worked in schools and youth groups for 15+ years - and not one of them has had a broken leg to my knowledge... so is it fair to say that no child has ever broken their leg? Confused

Oysterbabe · 23/09/2019 13:35

I'm looking forward to watching the Christmas Chronicles again this year, I thought it was fantastic.

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 13:35

That's a extreme reaction. Excluding and bullying a young child because their parents told them santa-claus wasn't real. Just wow

To be fair one poster seem to delight in the fact that she wouldnt care if her son told other that santa doenst exist and would not ask him to keep quiet or lie.

That's shitty behaviour. I wouldn't exclude the child, but I wouldnt want involvement with a parent like that who thought that because their child has been brought up one way, everyone else should.

The way this thread is going you'd think 'magic' was up there with food and water for basic human needs

Thats an exaggeration. I dont get why you would want to take it away though.

JacquesHammer · 23/09/2019 13:35

but I don't think your MiL should call you selfish over this

Agree totally with this. MIL has had her chance to do Christmas her way with her children. Now it’s your turn to do Christmas your way.

MyCatsHat · 23/09/2019 13:36

Laurie he was FC when I was little, but by the time I'd grown up he seemed to be Santa. I don't like Santa as much, it sounds more cheesy and commercial, whereas Father Christmas sounds all kind and fuddy-duddy, like the Werthers Original man.

Allinadaystwerk · 23/09/2019 13:38

I never told my kids that want a was real. Always truthful about it all. They had a whale of a time at Christmas. Presents family fun games food laughter more food and even more laughter. Santa was as real as rumpelstiltskin or Cinderella.. a fairy tale to be enjoyed but not believed as real.

verticality · 23/09/2019 13:39

I have friends who have done this. Doesn't seem to have reduced the excitement or magic of Christmas in their 3 young kids one jot.

Do what you want to do OP - there's no definitive right or wrong here.

Allinadaystwerk · 23/09/2019 13:39

Raise your dc your way

HappilyHarridan · 23/09/2019 13:39

Don’t worry about it op, my parents were always honest about the fact that Father Christmas was a made up story and we still had brilliant Christmas’s which we all loved, it really isn’t compulsory or a big deal to opt out of it.

srilankadreaming · 23/09/2019 13:40

Agree with your MIL. I don't think you're going to get many people supporting you I'm afraid.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2019 13:42

I’m Irish. He’s always been Santa to me.

Same, never met anyone in ireland who called him father Christmas

mydogisthebest · 23/09/2019 13:43

I should have said in my previous post that I totally believed in Father Christmas. I used to get so excited on Christmas Eve and look out of the bedroom window determined to see him.

I honestly thought one year that I did see him on his sleigh with the reindeers pulling it. When I learned he wasn't real I could not understand how I had seen him. Even now I can see myself looking at him out of the window!

AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2019 13:43

The way this thread is going you'd think 'magic' was up there with food and water for basic human needs

No one said that at all, but it is a lovely part of childhood. Did you believe in Santa as a child, did you feel hard done by when you found out he wasn't real?

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 23/09/2019 13:43

We always told our children that Father Christmas was a game that people played at Christmas and part of the game was not telling anyone that it was a game. We did all the letter writing, stockings, carrots for the reindeer etc but never claimed that Father Christmas would come down the chimney "while you're asleep tonight".

My parents told me that FC wasn't real when I was 5 because my cousin knew and was telling everyone who would listen. It definitely did not make Christmas "less magical" for me as a child.

And it clearly didn't do my kids any harm - they are all grown up/married/in relationships - and already they are making plans for Christmas day.

PoohBearsHole · 23/09/2019 13:44

op I’ve got some way through reading the ft but stopped after an update.

To me this seems more of a push against your MIL than Santa per se.

Many have said your child could be seen as the mean one for ruining it for everyone. Unfortunately there is very much a mob mentality amongst littles.

You haven’t got there yet (am assuming) but honestly school is hard enough without being just a little bit different. Don’t make you D.C. a little bit different just because you are pissed off with your mother in law.

On this occasion I would say you’ve considered it and that you won’t lie if asked but won’t go out of your way to perpetuate the myth and will let D.C. choose for themselves. She hasn’t won but neither have you so you will both be pissed off and neither will have the upper hand.

Always come back with specifics as to what your MIL doesn’t that is controlling as there is always advice to counteract and come to a successful conclusion.

Just think of it this way - I’m her own way your MIL is fighting for something nice for your D.C. not for you to send them to some
Military school in a dictatorship country 😁. She’s trying to ensure a fab childhood, her way of delivery is just very off.

Out of curiosity, do you usually go in the opposite direction to people guiding you (no judgement if someone wants me to go via one route I will often go down another to prove I’m right - even if I’m wrong 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️)

GREATAUNT1 · 23/09/2019 13:50

We know I think from a very early age that there’s no Father Christmas, but we continue to believe or play along because we want to. Don’t spoil it for your child just yet.

violetswordfish · 23/09/2019 13:52

Jesus wept. No magic, no stories, no looking for magic in the world at all?

Your kids really need to believe in something for it to be fun? I'm an adult who doesn't believe in fairies but I still enjoy a good fairy story and pretending that it's real. Make believe is fun. Kids don't need to be lied to in order to find fun and joy and magic in things.

The key difference between my Christmas and other people's is that kids are in on the pretense. It's still just as fun.

Sometimes I think the people that depend on their kids "believing" for Christmas to be super special and magical are massively lacking in imagination.

Troglod · 23/09/2019 13:55

Not read the full thread but isn’t the real question, why is there no more magic done in England? 🧐

InsertFunnyUsername · 23/09/2019 13:55

My DD is too young to understand at the moment but I will do the flour footprints, leaving out glass of milk for Santa, The same way it was done for me. Even when I was in my late teens and obviously knew Santa wasn't real i loved watching my little sibling and cousins run around shouting "Hes been" or telling me they think they heard him. It's so sweet.

When I used to help my DM with the little children in the family (big age gap between me and sibling) There was only one child I knew who didn't believe in christmas and they were quite annoying tbh "Why we doing that for hes not real" about absolutely everything. I just never saw them having fun, always wanting to point out it isn't real... But there are different extremes. Some kids know it's a game and play along anyway, Some understand other kids believe so just enjoy the activities. It's the ones that are raised with "No mummy and daddy got you the presents only silly kids believe in Santa" attitude that ruin it for everyone else.

LaurieMarlow · 23/09/2019 13:56

Sometimes I think the people that depend on their kids "believing" for Christmas to be super special and magical are massively lacking in imagination.

Think what you like.

I remember the impact believing had on me as a child. It was quite an intense, very positive experience. I’d never not pass that on.

thisnamechanger · 23/09/2019 13:56

No one ever tried to convince us Father Christmas was real. Then again I wouldn't stop stop asking how all the characters knew the words to the songs in Disney films so I probably wouldn't have believed them anyway.

Did anyone really believe it even when they were little? I thought it was all just a big joke like pretending you thought the man in the suit at Disney was the real character?

Put it this way OP, if you never tell them FC is real, you never have to break the news that he isn't Grin

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 13:57

Make believe is fun. Kids don't need to be lied to in order to find fun and joy and magic in things.

Make believe is lying. Do you sit your child down and explain what's real and what's not.

Yes, of course roll out the 'people have no ingaination'.

The fact is, I dont believe you will never lie to your children. Dont believe it for a second. Not do I think telling the stories and letting them believe ita true is deception or damaging.

LaurieMarlow · 23/09/2019 13:57

Did anyone really believe it even when they were little?

Absolutely Shock

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