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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
violetswordfish · 23/09/2019 13:16

There is so little magic in today’s world. Why would any parent want to deny their child the bit that remains?

It isn't magic, though, is it? Because it isn't real! Christmas is perfectly magical without needing kids to believe in santa, kids have amazing imaginations and make believe is just as fun as truly believing in something.

Pukkatea · 23/09/2019 13:18

The way this thread is going you'd think 'magic' was up there with food and water for basic human needs.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/09/2019 13:20

@Anonanonanonanonanonanonanon - I think you can still believe in the story of the Nativity and the sentiment of Santa Claus. In my mind they are not mutually exclusive, you don't have to pick one or the other.

It may be harder for children to believe and not see, so in their case, Santa might embody the Christmas spirit. As they get older, they can start believing without seeing...their faith grows.

Just my 2 cents on your post.

Booksandwine80 · 23/09/2019 13:20

@madcatladyforever

Who are these people who have their “finances ruined for the year” by Christmas?!

I certainly don’t. Neither do I spend my hard earned money “on crap”Hmm

You sound like a knob.

MyCatsHat · 23/09/2019 13:21

"chunky man in a suit" Shock how rude!

My own magic-free joylessness is more atheistic than religious - I don't dislike lying about santa because I'd rather inculcate other beliefs, but because I value reasoning and kids being able to make sense of things.

SoyDora · 23/09/2019 13:22

Anonanonanonanonanonanonanon there is probably some truth to what you are saying.
However in my opinion the myth of Santa is a far less dangerous one to feed to my children than the myth of religion. There aren’t many murders committed in the name of Santa.

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 13:22

No, but I do avoid the bits that involve deception

Jesus wept. No magic, no stories, no looking for magic in the world at all?

You are completely honest, dont dress anything up for them. Bet that works out well for you.

LaurieMarlow · 23/09/2019 13:24

I don't dislike lying about santa because I'd rather inculcate other beliefs, but because I value reasoning and kids being able to make sense of things.

And others value it as a means of teaching higher truths beyond logic.

Each to his own.

bumblingbovine49 · 23/09/2019 13:25

Oh dear op, I posted a similar question about 13 years ago when DS was a baby. It was DH who said he wouldn't lie to DS, I was less concerned but I (and by extension DH) got a roasting Grin.

If it is of any help, we did do the Santa Claus thing (well I did). Dh didn't say anything but did very little to participate. I just behaved as if Santa exisited and would always say things like 'well we can't know for sure, but lots of people belive in him' etc . And I did leave a stocking from Santa etc.

Then when DS turned 6 (so very young really), he asked us if Santa Claus was real. As it was a direct question, DH answered it honestly. I had already tried the 'well a lot of people believe in him' line which had not stopped him continuing to ask, so DH stepped in, which I dd not object to because when it came to it, I found I couldn't lie in such a direct way to a direct question either.

Yes DS was upset a bit at the time and I personally missed the magic of him believing in Christmas for a year or two but as I said I found I couldn't tell such a bare faced lie either

So in the end we only go about 2-3 years of him believing in Santa. ( I found DS only really got Christmas from about the age of 3 onwards)

In the end it is fine though and really not something to get worked up about. Do whatever you think is best

smemorata · 23/09/2019 13:25

My DH grew up in Italy and FC/Santa wasn't a thing when he was little - although it has sort of caught on in recent years. As a result not everyone "does" Father Christmas, but it doesn't make Christmas less magical.

Confusedbeetle · 23/09/2019 13:26

I dont think there needs to be any drama. Just dont make a big deal of its santa bringing the presents. Let it drift a little. They work it out. My 8 year old granddaughter has grasped the concept of beliefs being the choice of the believer. Religion etc and is very grown up about it. She knows she has her own beliefs and was pondering about the tooth fairy. She settled for believing the tooth fairy wasnt a little girly creature with wings. She owns her beliefs and knows she can change them and that other people have different ones. No one loses. Children can be materialistic to want to hang on to santa in case they get less presents

JacquesHammer · 23/09/2019 13:26

Jesus wept. No magic, no stories, no looking for magic in the world at all?

On of my absolute favourite memories is of reading “The Night before Christmas” on Christmas Eve. I still have my copy which comes out every year.

It is completely possible to embrace the magic of a story without believing it. Isn’t that the very essence of a good story?!

OMGshefoundmeout · 23/09/2019 13:27

We are Christian and found it very easy to combine the real meaning of Christmas with the Santa myth. We told our DC that Jesus was so special and loved everybody so much that on his birthday everyone got presents and Father Christmas delivered them for him. We also dispensed with the traditional cake and instead the D.C. would choose a birthday cake for Jesus. We’d light a few symbolic candles on it and the kids would blow them out while the whole family joined in singing ‘Happy Birthday Dear Jesus’.

derxa · 23/09/2019 13:27

Yes. Finding out my parents had lied to me - a very logical child - was deeply upsetting and affected my trust in them. Being forced to lie about it for younger siblings went against what I believed in and felt like another betrayal. It lasted several years and further damaged my relationship with my parents. I’ve spent £££s on counselling to try and rebuild the relationship. Hmm

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 13:27

@smemorata Italy has it's own Christmas traditions and stories though. Might not be called father christmas or santa. But similarities.

caringcarer · 23/09/2019 13:28

Your children may not even believe you. My sister decided to do the "we will never lie to our children thing" about Xmas, even though we all begged her not to, but when her daughter was at nursery with other children she joined in the fun, and told my sister she was mistaken and that Santa was real. My sister kept saying but you know it is Mummy and Daddy giving you the toys don't you. Child replied, yes thank you Mummy but Santa comes down chimney and flies with the reindeer. You may want to take the magic of Christmas away from your child but your child may find it on their own. We were always quite amused when my niece seemed to believe so strongly despite having been told repeatedly there is no Father Christmas. All parents lie to their children occasionally either to stop there feelings being hurt or convenience. Incidentally my sister tried to dress her dd gender neutral too but my niece was desperate for pink and sparkly as soon as she was old enough to choose.

KUGA · 23/09/2019 13:29

Your MIL is spot on.
But to save face you could tell her you were joking.

LaurieMarlow · 23/09/2019 13:29

It isn't magic, though, is it? Because it isn't real! Christmas is perfectly magical without needing kids to believe in santa, kids have amazing imaginations and make believe is just as fun as truly believing in something.

Yes kids have amazing imaginations, that doesn’t mean that this mysterious, generous presence in their lives doesn’t bring even more magic to it.

I found the concept of Santa immensely magical as a child. I want to pass that on to my kids. It’s not important to others, which is fine.

JacquesHammer · 23/09/2019 13:30

But to save face you could tell her you were joking

Why does the OP need to “save face” Confused

smemorata · 23/09/2019 13:30

Italy has it's own Christmas traditions and stories though
Yes. We have presents for epiphany from the witch (befana). My point is that giving up Father Christmas doesn't mean that your Christmas isn't magical! There are lots of elements to Christmas that you can still include. My oldest son doesn't believe in FC. He still likes getting presents!

MyCatsHat · 23/09/2019 13:30

When mine kids (separately as they're a few years apart) had the santa conversation with me, they weren't upset at all. They just seemed relieved that the bullshit finally made sense and their suspicions were justified!

I suppose a lot of this relates to the culture in each family and what we're used to - to me, valuing rational discussion and logic isn't at all dry or devoid of fun, and we all ask questions and discuss things.

If you value magic and mystery and that equates to lots of fun and excitement, then your kids will grow up with that too and then I can understand the disappointment.

Original poster
CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 13:31

Didn't expect so many replies. Seems people are really passionate about santa-claus.

Also it was their dc who suffered as they were no longer invited on play dates or to parties
That's a extreme reaction. Excluding and bullying a young child because their parents told them santa-claus wasn't real. Just wow

I think it's taking away one of the most magical things about childhood really?

The way this thread is going you'd think 'magic' was up there with food and water for basic human needs Grin

OP posts:
Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 13:32

It is completely possible to embrace the magic of a story without believing it. Isn’t that the very essence of a good story?!

No it's not the essence for me. Thata not the point. Kids often believe stories the pp I was addressing made it clear she wont do anything that could be seen as deception.

My son though curious George was real for a bit. I cant imagine saying 'no da he is a made up book character and uses in Cartoons'.

If he wants to believe that why would you piss on their fire?

smemorata · 23/09/2019 13:32

And while we are talking about it - since when has Father Christmas become Santa Claus? Grin

LaurieMarlow · 23/09/2019 13:33

And while we are talking about it - since when has Father Christmas become Santa Claus?

I’m Irish. He’s always been Santa to me.

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