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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
Celebelly · 23/09/2019 12:39

Aww I'm really excited about doing the whole Santa thing when DD is old enough. I always had just one present from Santa and not my main one, and my stocking, the rest were from family/friends, and we will do the same. I loved the whole disappearing mince pie and whisky (our Santa, my grandad? drank whisky) I still get a stocking from my mum now and I'm 33 GrinGrin I'm a Christmas maniac.

JacquesHammer · 23/09/2019 12:43

And your poor kid is not going to be popular when they reveal Santa isn’t real. Not sure why you’d want to disadvantage them in that way

Why would that happen? I never believed, I didn't run around school spoiling it for other people.

It needn't be a massive deal (although the way some people are reacting on this thread is utterly astonishing!) - some families believe, some don't.

For me the whole point of Christmas is the magic you create as a family whether that involves Father Christmas, whether it is because of religious beliefs or whether you just like a jolly good time.

Nottheduchess · 23/09/2019 12:46

Funny how people go nuts about lying to their children about a made up man called santa but Jesus, God, Moses etc are perfectly reasonable 😂 all made up for various reasons. I love a bit of Christmas story telling and magic, not too fussed on that religious story telling and magic.

combatbarbie · 23/09/2019 12:46

@00100001 so given I've lived in 4 countries and visited many more in my 39years on this world I've never once come across anyone saying they were scared of FC entering the house......

That fear is part of todays teaching and society..... Just like the bloody snowflakes who have suffered MH issues because their parents lied.....
Fuck me I wish my childhood PTSD was to do with a lie about a historical story..... It actually makes a mockery of MH

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 12:47

I know plenty of Jewish kids who get on fine without him.

I am confused about why the myth of father christmas is less or more believable than religion?

Jewish kids, Catholics kids all are brought up with stories thay have no basis of fact. So not sure why that would be used as an argument against bringing kids up with santa stories.

PeoplesPoet · 23/09/2019 12:48

I think OP it's taking away one of the most magical things about childhood. Teachers in Nursery/Reception/Year 1 all play along & "santa" comes to visit with presents. You little one would be very confused.

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 12:49

@Nottheduchess you said what I meant but better Grin

SconeofDestiny · 23/09/2019 12:49

DS is 10. I'm pretty sure he knows Santa isn't real but we'll still pretend he is come 24th December.
DS grew up believing in fairies and a troll who brought him sweets living under a particular rock in the garden.
My parents were pretty crap at doing Christmas (not really their fault).
Luckily, DH has a great imagination and DS has had an amazing childhood with pirate parties and all sorts of daft nonsense.
I have no imagination and really struggled to make up bedtime stories so for me, its absolutely wonderful to be able to have shared the fun with both DS and DH. Grin

The magic of Santa doesn't revolve around commercialism in this house, so we don't spend vast sums and get into debt. That's not what it's all about, at all.

Skyejuly · 23/09/2019 12:50

I dont really 'do' Santa either. I dont say he does not exist but I dont do an elf or footprints etc they know I wrap the pressies.

violetswordfish · 23/09/2019 12:50

YANBU but people are so desperate to recreate their own childhood memories that they don't see how weird it is. I find it selfish to outright lie about santa. Especially the horrible roads it leads down - santa spying on kids, "naughty" kids threatened with no presents, kids with fewer presents thinking santa doesn't like them as much as other kids...

If you tell him the truth from an early age you better do some serious priming to make sure he doesn’t spoil it for his peers.

Would you say the same to someone who said they weren't going to tell their child that god is real? It's nonsense to think that other people have to make their kids keep a giant lie going for the sake of other kids.

violetswordfish · 23/09/2019 12:52

Teachers in Nursery/Reception/Year 1 all play along & "santa" comes to visit with presents. You little one would be very confused.

Yet it's somehow not confusing that santa visits them before Christmas at school when the stories all say that santa comes round on Christmas eve?

smemorata · 23/09/2019 12:54

I sort of wish I had done this. DD still believes at 9 and it's getting a bit embarrassing! She is so sure though that she has reconverted a few of the doubters at school.

violetswordfish · 23/09/2019 12:54

I dont really 'do' Santa either. I dont say he does not exist but I dont do an elf or footprints etc they know I wrap the pressies.

This is what people I know do. The kids know presents are off parents and there's no lies, but they still get to pretend with the santa stuff the same way they pretend at lots of things like fairy tales and monsters and dragons etc.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/09/2019 12:57

I find it a bit worrying that so many stupid people are so insistent on pushing one particular myth on everyone else's DC as well as their own. If kids were being ordered to believe in and never question the existence of the Hindu pantheon/Allah/Baron Samedi despite these not being part of their family's culture, there would be huge fusses. (And, to be clear, I see no difference between Father Christmas, Jesus, Apollo or the Jedi Force.) By all means teach your own DC not to be rude to other people's faces about what imaginary friends those people have, but there is no need to try to force your DC to accept that these stories are true when you're not fussed yourself and your DC don't seem to be bothered, either.
Remember that, in a diverse area, half your DCs' classmates may well not celebrate Christmas at all.

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 12:59

YANBU but people are so desperate to recreate their own childhood memories that they don't see how weird it is. I find it selfish to outright lie about santa. Especially the horrible roads it leads down - santa spying on kids, "naughty" kids threatened with no presents, kids with fewer presents thinking santa doesn't like them as much as other kids...

For a start loads of parents dont doing the spying bit. I have an Elf on the shelf that also doesnt do spying. It's just fun.

What's wrong with recreating fun bits from you own childhood. If it was fun it didnt traumitise you.

Do you avoid doing anything you did as a child? So your child only has new memories. Non the same as yours?

Mythreefavouritethings · 23/09/2019 12:59

Nooooooo! Why would you take one of the few remaining pieces of magic away now? When you look at the very adult world we are thrusting our kids into at a scarily early stage, surely you want to retain something of childhood?

EatDiamondsForBreakfast · 23/09/2019 13:00

How bloody miserable are you?!

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 13:02

Would you say the same to someone who said they weren't going to tell their child that god is real? It's nonsense to think that other people have to make their kids keep a giant lie going for the sake of other kids.

Of course I am anti religion. However when me and ds have spoken about it we have spoken about people who do believe. That's it's ok for him to believe, he doesnt have to agree with me.

But he absolutely doesnt go round telling people god isnt real, as some people believe he is and its rude. They have the right to believe what they want too.

SmoothLawAbider · 23/09/2019 13:04

Threads about Santa and Christmas are always good for showing how mumsnet can turn literally any subject into a fight between two extreme positions!

Believing in Santa gave me PTSD!
Without Santa life wouldn't be worth living!

madcatladyforever · 23/09/2019 13:05

I never believed in santa. I knew it was my grandfather dressed up, he did a good job but even at 4 I never fell for this stuff. Never believed it despite being told it was true.
I think most children "know" deep down it's made up but just go along with it.

BogglesGoggles · 23/09/2019 13:05

Wow, this is one contentious post.

My DH didn’t have Father Christmas growing up. Apparently Christmas at his house was quite grim. Not sure that’s entirely down to a lack on Santa though.

We do Santa for the kids. We don’t go overboard with presents or anything (Santa only does a few small bits in stockings) but it adds a little sparkle to the day and means they have something to occupy them before we open gifts at lunch/dinner.

violetswordfish · 23/09/2019 13:05

Do you avoid doing anything you did as a child? So your child only has new memories. Non the same as yours?

No, but I do avoid the bits that involve deception.

Jellybeansincognito · 23/09/2019 13:09

‘. If kids were being ordered to believe in and never question the existence of the Hindu pantheon/Allah/Baron Samedi despite these not being part of their family's culture, there would be huge fusses. (And, to be clear, I see no difference between Father Christmas, Jesus, Apollo or the Jedi Force.)’

^ eye opening.
A chunky man in a suit bringing presents on his sleigh is highly different to living your life a certain way in the eyes of religion.

thegreylady · 23/09/2019 13:09

There is so little magic in today’s world. Why would any parent want to deny their child the bit that remains?

Anonanonanonanonanonanonanon · 23/09/2019 13:12

My parents never lied to me about Santa, but they used to pretend he was real in a tone of voice that told me the whole thing was a big game. I did the same with my children. It is possible to have fun with the myth without taking it all too seriously. And, for the record, I deplore people who use Santa as a means of control - "be good or Santa won't come", elf on the shelf, santa cam etc - it just shows a lack of imagination and/or skill and/or confidence in disciplining children.

There are quite a few posts above, implying that Christian people who do not push Santa as an idea are somehow joyless. However, I think the upsurge of the Santa myth is a symptom of a lack of belief in the transcendent - a symptom of the joylessness of the adult's life, who then overcompensates by trying to manufacture joy in their children. How about finding and helping your children to find the real joy in life?

If you believe the story of the nativity, you just don't need Santa. What could be more amazing than believing that there is a God who made and sustains the entire universe, and yet cares enough about our lives to become a little baby, and to live an ordinary human life, in order to connect with us?

"How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is given,
So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of his heaven.

No ear may hear his coming, but in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive him, still the dear Christ enters in."

That's a far better story than some fat bloke squeezing down your chimney with a sackful of My Little Ponies.