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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 23/09/2019 12:19

I never believed in Father Christmas. Or at least can never remember doing so. I still had the most utterly wonderful childhood Christmases.

I'm a big fan now Grin

Pukkatea · 23/09/2019 12:19

Pretty sad you want to ruin your own child's childhood but don't do it for others. You sound a miserable woman.

Jesus. It's a story about a man and flying reindeer. If you think not believing in Santa means a 'ruined' childhood then I suggest you work on giving your children some more fun and happiness in THEIR lives as apparently you rely on a fictitious stranger once a year to do it.

IsobelRae23 · 23/09/2019 12:20

Why? It’s the magic of Christmas for little ones. Believing in St.Nic. You are such a grinch.

Idontwanttotalk · 23/09/2019 12:21

@ Bouledeneige

"Are you religious OP?

If not you face a number of much bigger myths to come clean about. You will need to explain that the birth of Jesus, the son of God, his crucifixion and ascendence to heaven, the existence of God are all lies. And when someone dies that they don't go to heaven but either get burnt in a big oven or left to be eaten by worms in the ground."
What you mean is you believe these things are all lies. You do not know for a fact whereas Santa Claus......

saraclara · 23/09/2019 12:21

@spanglydangly

According to the OP "Mil said how awful I was.... and that I'm a very selfish women." And the MIL texted her again the next day to berate her

LaurieMarlow · 23/09/2019 12:21

why on earth is it so important that children literally believe (especially when that belief rather raises the question, 'so, how come this magical gift giver is so much more generous to Molly than to Sam

It’s the idea that such a kind, generous, magical presence could exist.

The fact that Santa isn't personally known to the child is part of the charm. Imagine this kind of generosity exists ‘just because’.

It’s lovely. Don’t deny him that OP.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2019 12:23

I mean is there anyone who ever got annoyed with their parents for lying to them about Santa? I only have great memories of it, a little bit of magic as a kid can only be a good thing, surely?

Pukkatea · 23/09/2019 12:23

It’s the idea that such a kind, generous, magical presence could exist.

I preferred the idea that the people giving me presents were my family, not some random guy. Generosity means a thousand times more when it's from people close to you.

Baguetteaboutit · 23/09/2019 12:24

I think you are being miserable, op. Children don't believe in Santa in any real sense for very long and then after that they realise that everyone is in on this shared annual production of Santa. It's good sport, it's a shared experience, it's an escape from the everyday . And, more usefully, it's a harmless learning curve that everything isn't as it first seems.

Penelopeschat · 23/09/2019 12:24

@CaterpillarInTheGarden - I don’t think we really ‘did’ Santa in a huge way more like he’s pa etc of a fun story. I talked about the legend of Santa, the children see Father Christmas every year, we’ve read copious Christmas stories but I didn’t make it seem like Santa was the real deal but a lovely legend we celebrate excitedly! My DC love Christmas and have never thought anything of it. I feel like by doing some they weren’t left out at all and still felt that magic of Christmas, but I also liked threading in honesty around the lovely true story of St. Nicholas and why we honour him with the idea of Santa. Worked for us. My older DC say they never felt ripped off of the Christmas experience, they had it all just with a bit more jest. And I admit I’m a bit bonkers about Christmas, I really love it! I think you can do all this in a fun way and have Santa be a legend yet still have a wonderful Christmas’!

multivac · 23/09/2019 12:25

It’s the idea that such a kind, generous, magical presence could exist

Yes, but he picks and chooses to whom he's generous, doesn't he? Based partly on wealth, but also faith and ethnic backgrounds. Nice.

QueenEnid · 23/09/2019 12:26

I'm with your MIL

What a horrible thing to do! Surely part of childhood is having that excitement of running downstairs and it being all magical?!

Grannybags · 23/09/2019 12:26

Children love the whole magic and mystery of Santa. My son came home v upset in Y3 as someone told him Santa was not real. It didn’t help that the reasoning was that parents spent a fortune (and the rest) in their child and wanted the credit! We talked about beliefs and how people can choose and he rationalised that he believed in God but his cousins didn’t so he could believe in Santa even if his friend didn’t. He is 11 now and still looking forward to seeing ‘Santa’ this year. They are children for such a short time, let them enjoy it.

ForalltheSaints · 23/09/2019 12:26

I think if you choose not to have Father Christmas then you should tell your child not to spoil it for others, and have a reason that can be used as to why he did not call at your house.

TeacupDrama · 23/09/2019 12:27

@Greggers2017 do you really think that children from other cultures /religions should be taken out of class because they do not believe the story from European culture and you would be furious with them for not believing something that is not their heritage or religion

lots of people on MN complain about the predominance of Christianity in school and how they are sometimes not taught in the form of this is what Christians believe but Muslims believe different things and some don't believe either but when it comes to Santa children must see it is true indisputable fact and can't say well that is what your culture / religion believes but we don't. No child would be punished for saying they didn't believe that Jesus was the Son of God they may well be told they must be respectful of others beliefs and not make fun of other's beliefs but they wouldn't be told you have to pretend to believe in Jesus you must never say that again; so why should a child be punished for saying they don't believe Santa provided they are not teasing or trying to humiliate others

00100001 · 23/09/2019 12:27

@combatbarbie

Oh well, given your huge sample size... that must reflect every child's experience ... Confused

Throckmorton · 23/09/2019 12:28

Fucking hell there is some spectacular over-reacting on here! Ruining childhoods, etc etc. I never believed in father Christmas and had a perfectly lovely childhood with great Christmases.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 23/09/2019 12:29

I’m with your MIL. And yes I would berate you. Berating from your MIL would be the least of your worries if you’d been at school with my dcs. There was one child who announced to the year group that there was no such person as FC, the parents were practically lynched. People were furious.

Also it was their dc who suffered as they were no longer invited on play dates or to parties. Don’t be that parent.

Your MIL is right.

Mine still do their FC lists every year. -17 & 21 Grin

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 23/09/2019 12:29

Mean mean mean.

And your poor kid is not going to be popular when they reveal Santa isn’t real. Not sure why you’d want to disadvantage them in that way.

dottiedodah · 23/09/2019 12:30

I think to tell him would be rather cruel TBH. Many other Mums will be upset if their DC find out from him in future ,he will have to keep a secret and then lie to his friends as well ,Christmas is such an essentially special time for kids .Why not enjoy the fun while you can !

Alittleodd · 23/09/2019 12:30

I remain meh after reading the thread, although I am a little worried about the number of people who seemingly can't accept that just because something is true for them then it can't possibly be otherwise for anybody else. Not all experiences are equal.

Although this confused me:

Will you be telling your child the truth from the outset about sex, drug and alcohol addiction, depression, suicide, war and famine or is it only the nice side of life where you must be truthful?

Like, yes? I mean in a child friendly way and I probably wouldn't sit them down to be like "ok so here's the state of the world - it's shit and everyone you will ever love will eventually die and also genocide is a thing" but if it came up in conversation or was relevant I would explain the best I could. What do other people do? Do people lie and pretend every one is happy and everything is awesome always? I didn't even think that was an option.

LaurieMarlow · 23/09/2019 12:30

Yes, but he picks and chooses to whom he's generous, doesn't he? Based partly on wealth, but also faith and ethnic backgrounds. Nice.

The inequality of the world is beyond my remit to address I’m afraid.

However the concept of Santa is part of how my child can understand the power of motiveless (for want of a better word) generosity.

intermittentfasting · 23/09/2019 12:32

I'm with your MIL.

Pukkatea · 23/09/2019 12:32

Also it was their dc who suffered as they were no longer invited on play dates or to parties. Don’t be that parent.

Actually I would suggest that those parents did nothing wrong, they are perfectly entitled to not push FC and the rest of you were bloody awful to their kids. Imagine excluding children for not believing in a MADE UP PERSON. That's just called bullying. Disgusting.

XmasEveshopper · 23/09/2019 12:37

Pumperthepumper that made me laugh 😂